To have a 3rd baby whilst in early menopause?

[SidSparrow]

Dr has told me that it looks like I'm in the early menopause - I'm 40. I still have periods.

I have 2 DC, one 4 and one 2. I have been on the fence about having a 3rd, but now I don't know if I can, and if I do, how difficult is it going to be if I'm menopausal. At the same time I feel like I should just go for it, however, I would be sacrificing my embarking on a new career - was due to start college in August. I could wait until after a 3rd but was going to be a personal trainer, I was already pushing it age wise. So I could be a mum of 3, with no prospects, old, and if I have no sex drive due to the menopause, no DH either 😭

To 3rd or not to 3rd?

You are unlikely to get pregant if you are menopausal.

I would concentrate on looking into and sorting out HRT.

The NICE guidelines are that every woman under 45 going through the menopause should take HRT to protect your bones/heart, as well as alleviate symptoms. So you might not suffer symptoms.
In your situation I wouldn't have another. It might not be possible anyway. On a different note the menopause can mean a slight loss of sex drive, not complete disappearance. If your children turn in to siblings that constantly squabble, you won't regret your decision.

i don’t get how it would work, surely in early menopause your fertility is impacted?!

@Skinnermarink

I think you're still fertile, just not as fertile, less opportunities etc

My friend had her second whilst unknowingly in premature ovarian failure (peri menopause at 35). She said that she found all the physical symptoms even harder with a newborn. So you’d want to find out about when you could take HRT with breastfeeding etc..
I think tht there is a fertility bump from menopause so you may not find it too tough to get pregnant. But worth thinking how you deal with baby stage (plus other two older kids will need plenty attention apart from baby).

Also, I wouldn't want to be 54 (which I am now) and have a 14 year old. You can touch lucky with the teen years but while under 22 they do seem to need more support these days. Think about what having a younger sibling would mean to your existing children, less support in every way, time and space etc.

Nearly at the end of menopause now (hopefully 🤞) I would say a hard NO on a third.

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

Can I ask why?

@Ponoka7

I'll be 54 with a 16 year old and 18 year old so already in the throws of it. I think because I am already an older Mum if I have a third then my children will all have each other when I am no longer here. Best if there are more of them.Plus my partner is a bit younger than me so they will have their Dad.

I just don't know what to do!

Thousands of women have their first baby at 40 and you sound like you actually do want another.

Why not just see if it happens? If it happens fab, if it doesn't, it wasn't meant to be. Still carry on with your life and if you're training to be a PT, you're probably in a better position, physically, than a lot of women in their late 20s anyway!

Don't underestimate the effects of the menopause on your energy and mental health, or the amount of attention teens need these days. Also the expense! I am on my knees at the moment getting DS and DD through uni and A levels, and I had them young with a big age gap.

I wouldn't. Mainly based on my friends experience who had 2 healthy, happy children. Then at 40 decided she wanted a third. Paid loads of money privately for IVF. Her third is severely autistic, non-verbal, has behavioural issues and will need life long care. She is now in her mid fifties and her DS3 is very hard work with no end in sight.

OP already has a 2 year old, so the stakes here are possibly not as high as all that - OP is likely to be fertile, OP is also going to have to be parenting well into middle age.

I personally think two is a great number of kids and wouldn't have had any more unless I'd been fairly relatively young + also spectacularly well off financially, rock solid in my relationship, really loving most aspects of being a parent, etc.

My mum did, when she was 45. And here I am! She went into full menopause straight after and got post natal depression - and then had to deal with me!

Don't rely on your children getting on and 'being there for each other' just because they are siblings. It's a silly reason to have another child, they might hate each other once they are grown or live at opposite ends of the world and never really be there to support each other.

Agree with the others. I’m mid-40s with two older teens. I’m knackered. God knows how I’d cope a decade older. These years are way more tiring than the toddler years.

@wishingitwasfriday

That's grim

It’s not “grim” - it’s realistic.

You’ve got two (hopefully) healthy children already. You have other things you want to do. You don’t have a burning desire to have a third, so why do it?

It will cost lots more money, you may need different cars, five is usually a less convenient number than 4 as a family, etc.

If you are reaching the end of your fertility it’s probably more likely that there could be a problem with any potential child. It could also be more likely that you have a multiple birth - if you’re “on the fence” about a third, what about a 3rd and 4th at the same time?

I think what would put me off is less your age and more that early menopause could mean:

• more likely to have a child with learning disabilities
• more likely to have a multiple birth as eggs released sporadically. Would you be happy to have another 2 kids, or even 3!

Personally I wouldn't risk it.

Why is it grim? Just because three people are related it doesn't mean they'll like each other. You only have to read threads on here where families have fallen out and gone no contact.

They might adore each other, but they might not, and it seems ridiculous to me to have another child for the reason of them supporting each other if something happens to you.

i would. im 41 and have a 17 and 11 y old but i would still have another one

as yours are still young will a few years between them make a difference

i dont think i would have a menopause as im in a unique(ish) situation as ive never had a period due to severe pcos so dont know if a menopause will ever kick in,i did manage to get pregnant naturally with 2 kids though but from now until 50 if i have the chance of having another one i will but atm im single

Totally agree. The toddler years were easy compared to the teen and YA phase. An icecream cured everything!

You're not in menopause until it's 12 months since your last period. You're in peri-menopause if you're experiencing some menopausal symptoms but still having periods.

I am in my early 40s and taking hrt whilst breastfeeding and feel absolutely fine and have a lot of energy. I only have 2 though and no desire for a third and was lucky that my second is really easy. Some GPs will not prescribe hrt if you are breastfeeding though and you may need to get a private prescription.

Op, @wishingitwasfriday 's post is not grim. It is completely accurate.
I have 3 teens who do not get on at all.
Don't do it. Three is hard and you are about to have to deal with menopause too.