To have a 3rd baby whilst in early menopause?

[SidSparrow]

Dr has told me that it looks like I'm in the early menopause - I'm 40. I still have periods.

I have 2 DC, one 4 and one 2. I have been on the fence about having a 3rd, but now I don't know if I can, and if I do, how difficult is it going to be if I'm menopausal. At the same time I feel like I should just go for it, however, I would be sacrificing my embarking on a new career - was due to start college in August. I could wait until after a 3rd but was going to be a personal trainer, I was already pushing it age wise. So I could be a mum of 3, with no prospects, old, and if I have no sex drive due to the menopause, no DH either 😭

To 3rd or not to 3rd?

@milkmaiden

I guess when you put it like that... A third.

Truth is I'm a bit on the fence about being a PT as well - would I get clients etc, but that's another thread 😂

@lljkk

Wow!! That's amazing! It certainly gives me hope. Thank you 😊

@Sarah3587 agree with you. The lady arguing with you is agreeing with you indirectly 😂

It's an oversaturated job you see, and many people do the training and never use it, well I know quite a few. It's not very lucrative and not worth your time if you're not really passionate about it I would say.

I want another one too. I'm same age and don't seem to be in menopause but I'm giving it a go. I just realised late how important children are to my personal happiness so guess I'm biased but I stand by what I put because it's your last chance to have a child and I think if you can do PT at 40 you can easily do it again at 50 and market yourself in a different way and then at least have a niche.

Why would you?

I still menstruated regularly for the first few years of perimenopause, however, I was experiencing the other symptoms - brain fog, night sweats, hot flushes and many many more were a nightmare. I know I could not have coped with a baby on top of them. However, my insomnia was horrific, with less than 90 minutes of sleep across the whole night, so a baby keeping me awake would not have been an issue.

With regards to your doctor drawing the perimenopause conclusion from your blood tests, remember, that’s just a snapshot of them at the time the bloods were taken. Your hormones are always in flux. However, it is worth looking closely at your tests to see what’s what, many GPs just look at oestrogen levels. (On may part, with sky high levels of FSH and zero progesterone, I was suffering premature ovarian failure, so could not have got pregnant anyway).

Lots of women have ‘surprise’ babies in their 40s - there was a recent thread by a woman who thought she was going through menopause, was done with periods and was actually pregnant. Good luck OP if you decide to go ahead!

At 40 I had two teenagers and was well into perimenopause. I absolutely longed for the chance to have another baby before it was too late. Did IVF and it didn't work. Now I am so relieved, I have no idea how I'd manage if I had a 10 year old at home now with the teen years still to come, or have managed the last 11-12 years of school runs, dinner, homework and the sheer slog of it all. Plus if the third child had a disability life would have been even more of a challenge than I had anticipated.

As soon as I did finally accept the fertile years had gone I never looked back. Instead I have developed a career that I enjoy, a social life, have been able to develop my own life, and will have a decent pension. Absolutely no regrets for having stuck with two.

Think long and hard about whether you really want a third child, or whether it's a hormonal urge to conceive before it's too late, which will pass.

That's very early menopause - did the DR give any reason why you are going through it so early? Be interesting to know if it's genetics, diet, and/or lifestyle/stress/ environment. But I don't think menopause should be a consideration as I know people who have been going through menopause and get pregnant. Perhaps because your body realises it's last chance saloon, you're more likely to get to get pregnant. Anyway, I don't think that should be a consideration but energy, finances, and how it would affect siblings should be.

No way be happy with the two you have as the peri menopause is horrible and been going through it for years and just getting back to myself as started hrt. If you go through the insomnia and have to look after 3 little ones you will be run ragged so I would advise no but it is your personal choice. There are big changes in peri menopause as you head towards the menopause and your energy levels will be very low top that with hot flushes, anxiety and depression so not a good fit to be a new mum.

I would say hard no, no thinking required. Wouldn't consider having one in my 40s anyway but given the part about the new career etc. You have 2 so I don't see any need to have another given all the other things going on.
But for me 35 was my cut off a baby in my 40s would be something I couldn't even entertain.

I know plenty of people who’ve had third or fourth babies in their 40’s, I think they’re happy with their decisions - but I do think it’s more wearing.

I was chatting to a friend today (she’s 58) and she said that she’s finding parenting her DS (15) harder than she did her older two (who are 8 & 6 years older then him), as she’s rather burnt out. I was surprised as she’s such a great Mum, but that’s how she’s feeling.

No way would l.

Stick with 2.

You will have people on here saying go for it - but why would you go back to nappies again when you have 2 lovely kids already.

Having just come out the other side of menopause at 47 I couldn't think of anything worse. I couldn't deal with my older kids while going through it and often had to get away from people. Can't do that with a toddler . But everyone's experience of menopause and pregnancy is different. So you will only know how hard it is when you are there. What was your mum's experience of menopause like? It's hard going. 5 years of feeling like having mental breakdown no fun with a young un

Go for it OP whilst you still can!
If it's meant to be it'll happen 🥰
Another baby to love ♥️

Go for it, you can use hrt patches when breastfeeding.
I'd query whether your Dr has used the correct terminology though- having perimenopausal symptoms at 40 isn't early the same as early menopause, which I think at 40 would be 2 years without a period.

Im 52 and my youngest is only 16.
Ì feel like he should be older!. So many state exams and university applications still ahead 😑

I'm not menopausal but I do have 3 children and I was on the fence about having 3 (then unexpectedly fell pregnant with our third).

Having 3 is hard. There's no longer an equal split of adults, everything is louder and you realise your time doesn't stretch as far. It's wonderful of course and I wouldn't change it for the world, but now my youngest is coming up to 4, we are finally sensing that life is becoming slightly easier now everyone has more independence. It's been a long hard slog though, it's not over and as our eldest approaches her teens, we know the fun is yet to begin!

To be honest I think that to have a third as you're going into menopause, you'd have to REALLY want it and it be an all consuming desire and even then not done lightly. The added everything from menopause would be a killer for a lot of people. Our third is by far our most challenging child and at 37, I find some days a struggle, feeling too exhausted to even get up off the sofa and deal with yet another issue she's caused. I wish I was younger but am equally grateful I'm not older and I know for certain I couldn't manage another. I think going from 2 to 3, pushes you into a bracket of something else and you don't know it until you get there.

Continue your health investigations, see what you are actually dealing with first. Perhaps you can talk to your doctor about ovarian reserve testing?

I would go for a 3rd, but then I love having a big family! I was undergoing investigations for too-early menopause (36/37) and they found other reasons which were quite easily resolved and I was surprised to fall pregnant (unplanned, enormous but happy surprise) very quickly.

I can't see any reason from your posts why you would.

You're on the fence about it, about to start a new career, and you said no DH so nobody else pushing for a 3rd. 3 on your own would be tough.

A friend of mine became a PT at 50. She got loads of clients from our area who were middle aged women and felt more comfortable having someone a bit more like them than some young lithe person. That could be your USP!

I'm concerned that you are talking about wanting another baby at the same time as saying your relationship is do rocky you think your partner will leave you.

@Sarah3587

With respect, if it's your field of work, you express yourself very badly.

Based on your initial posts, which I responded to, you are wrong. You stated she would need support to maintain a pregnancy - you had no evidence of this. If she got pregnant successfully, there would be no reason to assume she would need 'hormones' to 'definitely withhold' the pregnancy.

It's entirely different to someone experiencing recurrent miscarriage due to eg low progesterone levels - not the OP's situation.

She has a 2 yo and a 4 yo - her fertility has been fine till now!

There is no detail about what basis the GP advised she was peri-menopausal as we all know hormone levels are not relevant here.

Dr said early menopause from hormone levels, though to be confirmed by 2nd blood test,

Just on this - hormone levels are not reliable indicators of peri menopause. They fluctuate! This is outdated advice.

Menopause does not occur until 12 months after your last period.

It sounds like you may have had poor advice & I would seek out a specialist instead.

I was agreeing in part re the increased risk of m/c but not with the other points eg needing hormones 'definitely'. Sarah made a lot of bald statements which on the face of it, are not accurate.

In my replies I provided the context.

Old post I know, but did you ever go for a third? Or stick at two?