AIBU to think I was not rude?

[supercalifragilicious]

School run this morning, I was walking back home after dropping DC at school. I am recovering from a cold and still not 100%, with a slight headache. I was walking past a group of boys who gave particularly loud screams and shrieks, so I held my ears because loud noises make my headache worse. I did try to hold my ears in a most unnoticeable way, lowering my head and just gently holding my fingertips at my ears, while holding my elbows to my body so they don't stick out! In other words, I wasn't trying to show off how annoyed I am, just rather minding my own business and trying to get past this group of boys quickly.

A woman then approached me (presumably one of the mums?) and said to me: "Your behaviour is really rude, they're just children you know!", and then stormed off before I could manage a reply. Obviously I wasn't going to shout anything after her but it did leave me annoyed being told off for nothing. I actually think it is her who was being rude, not me.

What do you think?

Oh god, don't offend the noisy little tykes whatever you do 🙄 honestly, people are just being perverse saying you were rude. I expect they're the type of people who allow screaming from their little darlings and think it's totes hilaire if it causes someone discomfort or pain.

This,

And who goes and confronts a stranger anyway

Isn't it a big aggressive to make a loud noise irrespective of the potential sensitivities of those around you? And what do you suggest OP should have done if these boys reacted badly to being asked to be quiet?

My ds does this and so my first thought would be ASD. However in no way would I think you were rude even if you didn't have asd/headache/sensory issues.

There was nothing passive aggressive in covering your ears so you didn't hear the screaming, bizarre for pp's to suggest it. You are allowed to block out noise that is affecting you negatively in any way you like when you are not affecting others. Comparing it to holding your nose because someone smells is just bizarre - if someone smelt you would just move away a bit but you couldn't just move a little bit and escape the noise. Also someone making noise knows they are doing it and can stop at any point, if someone smells they may not realise and can't just stop in that moment.

A lot of people would say you would be unreasonable to expect kids to keep their noise down so asking them wouldn't be right either - honestly you can't win except to just let others make you life miserable and smile about it - don't forget women at all times should #Bekind.

I don't think it is rude at all. People forget all the time that they don't know what someone else is going through. I am misophonic and some sounds bother me quite significantly. So I can empathise.

Either way, I think it's quite rude that she would presume to know why you behaved in the way that you did and instead of asking a question she gave you her opinion.

A NT adult (even one feeling under the weather) should be able to cope with a short burst of noise.
What's with the "should"?
Who are you to tell another person what they "should" tolerate?
Where are you getting this weird rule from?

Putting your hands over your ears is quite an odd and passive aggressive way of managing a situation
Again - what's odd about a 100% natural & effective response to a painful blast of noise? What on earth could you construe as pass-agg about it?

Why is it your preference that OP should have sucked up the pain & refrained from using her own hands to cover her own ears? How does her helping herself like that affect anyone else?

how very strange that your first thought was that I must have a Sadi-masochistic streak
Oh, it wasn't my first thought.
Just the only one that makes sense.
For no logical reason at all, you are up in arms about an adult protecting her ears, & prefer that she experiences pain. Very strange thought process. Only one conclusion - you are happier knowing someone is in pain, so long as they are following your utterly batshit rule about not being allowed to touch their own ears.

I don't know how these special snowflakes cope if the sight of a random woman walking down the street briefly touching their ears triggers them to accost a complete stranger.

I can't imagine the level of paranoia needed to walk around scrutinising random strangers on the street for any sign that their movements might be about you.

Perhaps these people should seek mental health treatment.

What is it with some parents who think we should all want to listen to their little darlings screaming?

OP, you did nothing wrong.

Well I have honestly never seen anyone do this although o yo question nobody particularly taught me this.

Have you never seen somebody cover their ears because of a sudden loud noise? Really? Not seen it in a film, or read about it in a book? It's an entirely natural & normal human response.

I was sitting in a cafe in a craft centre in North Wales when an RAF jet went over. I was genuinely distressed at the noise - I do have auditory sensory issues - and covered my ears. I hope the other people in the cafe didn’t think I was being rude.

This wouldn't be rude even if you were obvious about it.

She was rude, and if it was her kid then she's clearly one of THOSE mum's.

Troi, you have BROKEN THE MUMSNET CODE.

Did nobody instruct you that you are not allowed to move your own body for your own comfort, & that the correct 'form' is to endure the pain, just in case some batshit controlling wannabe Miss Manners gets her petticoat in a twist?

I stick my fingers in my ears whenever I ride the Northern Line, because it's painfully loud.

Hopefully the Northern Line's mum won't have a go at me.

This.

Why should kids be allowed to scream and shriek just because they’re kids. That doesn’t mean everyone has to like/accept it!

Oh the shame!

You do realise people have different tolerances to things like noise? What is loud to one isn't loud to another?

Someone doesn't need to be non nt to have a different sensitivity to noise etc than someone else.

I have sensitive hearing and have to cover my ears when an ambulance with siren blaring passes in town. Am I being rude?

Why is it passive aggressive to put your hands over your ears, but polite to ask them to lower their voices. You're projecting passive aggressive intent the person doing it, like they're trying to make a point. They could just as easily be "politely" not saying anything about it.

batshit woman was rude. You did nothing wrong. Loud screams kids when you have a headache can be awful. You did the right thing to protect your ears 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you want to cover your ears at loud noises you go for it. She was rude for sticking her nose in where it wasn't warranted and I doubt the kids cared one way or the other and they might well do the same if their friend was too loud because they are children and less excessively inhibited. I stick my fingers in my ears when I forget my earplugs on the tube when I go to London when it starts loudly screeching the Central line being particularly bad for this which I always forget. And if a concert gets too loud. Couldn't give a toss what anyone thinks. Obviously it would be a bit rude if not noise related eg if I just randomly did it when someone was trying to talk to me or in a meeting at work!

I have sensitive hearing and have to cover my ears when an ambulance with siren blaring passes in town. Am I being rude?

No.

So….?

You’d have busy-bodied over to the OP and told her off too, would you?!

It's generally considered rude to TELL someone else that they are being rude, assuming they're not your child or employee. So even if you had been rude, it was a bit hypocritical for her to comment.

I can’t imagine giving a shit about some random passer by covering their ears to try to block out noisy children, much less taking the time out of my day to have a go at them for it.

You were not being rude at all but she was by confronting you.