AIBU to think I was not rude?

[supercalifragilicious]

School run this morning, I was walking back home after dropping DC at school. I am recovering from a cold and still not 100%, with a slight headache. I was walking past a group of boys who gave particularly loud screams and shrieks, so I held my ears because loud noises make my headache worse. I did try to hold my ears in a most unnoticeable way, lowering my head and just gently holding my fingertips at my ears, while holding my elbows to my body so they don't stick out! In other words, I wasn't trying to show off how annoyed I am, just rather minding my own business and trying to get past this group of boys quickly.

A woman then approached me (presumably one of the mums?) and said to me: "Your behaviour is really rude, they're just children you know!", and then stormed off before I could manage a reply. Obviously I wasn't going to shout anything after her but it did leave me annoyed being told off for nothing. I actually think it is her who was being rude, not me.

What do you think?

Random woman was the rude one, not you. I'm guessing that she was the mother of one of the shrieking kids.

You don't get to tell other people what noise level they find tolerable, how much their head hurts, how the noise exacerbates their headache, or when they are allowed to put their own hands over their own ears.

@KettrickenSmiled I'm not telling other people any of those things. I'm pointing out how it might be perceived as rude, because it's quite a dramatic reaction to a small thing, which the OP described as 'a slight headache'. Clearly the OP didn't mean to be rude at all, and of course she is entitled to put her hands over her ears whenever she wants, but it could certainly appear rude.

As I said, if someone pulled a disgusted face and held their nose just to walk past you, you would probably perceive that as them suggesting that you stink. That doesn't mean they don't have a right to do it - of course they do. But your first assumption would be 'Oh my god, is that woman is suggesting I smell horrible?' rather than 'Aw, bless, maybe the faint scent of the shampoo I used this morning is exacerbating a mild sinus problem.'

All I'm saying is that clearly the OP's actions came across as rude to someone else, and I can see why that someone else would make that mistake and take it as a sign that the OP thought her kids were being loud and offensive.

It’s not rude it’s just extremely precious. But this is MN where someone will come along to tell me they have a hidden disability that involves ear sensitivity and therefore blah blah.

in reality I doubt you needed to actually cover your ears for 5 seconds. Nothing to do with that woman though and not rude.

I can't understand how you find the simple act of covering ears to reduce painful noise "dramatic".

Or why you'd compare it to someone pulled a disgusted face and held their nose just to walk past you - the woman who commented KNEW why OP was covering her ears, so there is no comparison to somebody suggesting another person smells.

YANBU - the worst parents are the ones that happily pass off unacceptable behaviour because 'they're only kids'. Boys spend a lot of time jerking off, if her son chose to do that on the road would she pass it off as 'he's just a child' - moron

Hang on

The noise was offensive to her so she covered her ears

She didn't have a go at them for the noise- that might have been rude
She just took herself away from a distressing place

Are people actually saying that you just put up with discomfort just so they don't feel offended ?

Why is their upset more important than hers?

You weren't rude in the slightest. I wouldn't hesitate to do what you did in similar circumstances.

I remember a few years ago in our local Tesco there was a child randomly giving out very loud and high pitched screams. The type that simply go right through you. In an enclosed area it was impossible to totally ignore and yes, hands went over ears at least once. I wasn't alone in that either. It was just an automatic reaction.

Don't give the silly woman any more headspace. Personally, I'd have just pretended I hadn't heard her and carried on.

I think it was a bit dramatic and rude tbh, akin to pinching your nose when walking past someone because their smell offends you. You’re entitled to do it and she was over the top and rude in her reaction, but yes I do think it’s rude.

Of course she can do what she likes - but other people are also allowed to find her rude!

She was a bit rude but I would think you were very over dramatic.

It's odd that she approached you, like the world revolves around her child.
I often cover my ears, like if I'm on public transport and someone is eating something.
I couldn't care less if anyone thinks I'm rude!

Who cares though? OP wasn't being rude or bothering anyone else.
It was none of that woman's business if OP doesn't want to listen to screaming.

Reading through this thread has been eye opening. I can't believe so many people are that sensitive they think OP putting her fingers in her own ears is rude. It's no one else's business

I can see why its bothered you, her assumption was unfair and wrong. Dont give it any further thought. I have sensitive hearing and do cover my ears sometimes. How discreet I am depends on how sudden and loud the noise is. I wouldn't care less, she doesn't know me or my story

She sounds awful. But the go to British put down is "rude" so imo its becoming meaningless.

She was very rude telling you off as if she's entitled to police another adults behaviour. It's a shame you didn't tell her to fuck off and mind her own business. Might make her think twice before mouthing off herself next time.

It's her own kids she should be telling off if they were noisy enough to disturb others. Some parents are total arseholes.

Are you sure you didn't do this?

I'm absolutely baffled as to why people are claiming covering your ears is rude in this context.

If you were in a conversation with someone and they covered their ears, yes, that would obviously be rude.

But in the street, when the noise is being made by people totally unconnected with you? No.

We do not have the right to inflict sound/noise on people that they don't want to hear, and someone covering their ears is a proportionate way of blocking out unwanted sound. It's not rude because they don't owe you their attention. You have no right to expect them to suck up whatever noise you make.

I have autism, I have to cover my ears when there’s loud noises bud says it physically hurts! It’s an automatic reaction for me to try and dull the noise and protect my ears. I’ve never once thought it could be perceived as rude!?

I’m ND and often have to cover my ears at loud noises. I don’t give a shit if people think it’s rude. They don’t know me, and my well-being is my priority, not some random kids.

because not bud says*

The woman is a nut!
I know many people who wear hearing aids who cover their ears if next to sudden loud noise - like shouty people in the street or screaming toddlers etc. They do this as the noise is hugely magnified and very uncomfortable. Nothing rude about it.

It wasn't rude under the circumstances; but it could come across that way to someone who didn't know your health situation. But she was rude to tell you off!

Who was the OP rude to? The children likely didn’t notice or care.

I sometimes naturally cover my ears usually not thinking about it. Just if there’s a really loud noise.

I agree. I have friends who have sensory processing issues. They would not be subtle about covering their ears because to listen to shrieking would distress them and kick-start a whole host of other issues.

I covered my ears in the way OP describes very recently as our local jubilee event had a bagpiper playing, and I cannot stand the sound.

@KettrickenSmiled .....please don't project your thoughts on to me - how very strange that your first thought was that I must have a Sadi-masochistic streak for suggesting an adult should be able to cope with a very short burst of children's noise. Why would you say or even think that, most bizarre, I do hope you're ok! (Pass-agg enough for you petal? )

A NT adult (even one feeling under the weather) should be able to cope with a short burst of noise. Putting your hands over your ears is quite an odd and passive aggressive way of managing a situation that the OP obviously found difficult. There is nothing wrong with politely asking children or adults to lower their voices.