Is it OK that my wife never takes our son outside?

[DadIsConfused]

looking for some advice. My wife and I have a 4 year old, and he, like all 4 year olds is full of energy and enthusiasm for life. i work full time from home and also have a second job. She works one shift a week.

Over the past 6 months I’ve noticed that she never leaves the house with our son unless it’s to meet a friend at the pub. Other than that she sits in front of the TV all day while he either watches it too or draws or plays with his toys. But the tv is always on. She sits there scrolling through IG watching shows I’d generally consider not ideal for a four year old….think Real Housewife’s of Wherever, SATC etc. I know our son is not being neglected, but is this normal behaviour to do 4 days a week?

my wife gets up around 9am (when I go to work) after I’ve fed our son and she always does her own thing from 3pm onwards each day. She doesn’t cook or him or me and all washing and bedtime duties are my responsibility.

Am I being unreasonable to expect her to take my son to the park/playground (even in our own back garden) at least once every couple of days? While I do enjoy doing these things with him myself I feel like she could be doing more with him during the day.

im worries that once he starts kindergarten/school she’s going to miss out on this time and regret not being more active with him.

Am I being unfair to expect these things?

Little children are like sponges. They need stimulation to learn and develop, to meet milestones and be ready for school so this is not good for him longer term. What are your ds’s language skills like? Does he get a chance to interact with other children regularly etc?

Maybe your wife needs help with her mental health if this is a sudden change? Do you have family around? I also think sending your ds to nursery if you are able to get him a place would be good.

She's a lazy parent and it's not good enough.

What are you going to do about it ?

Unless she suffers from agoraphobia or some kind of Covid phobia, YANBU.

She may or may not be depressed but surely, parenting a 4 yr old indoors all day every day must be v hard work. I find it a lot easier to be out and about with kids that age, certainly letting them burn off energy . For the sake of your son at the very least, you need to talk to your wife. This isn't healthy for either of them.

Why is he not in nursery? When will he start school/nursery?

Sounds like depression. You need to take over.

It's not normal/typical, no. Just taking him with her to the pub isn't exactly a great improvement on what she's doing at home. Has it always been like this and you've only noticed now you are working from home?

How is your son's development? Is his speech on track? Does he ever get a chance to interact with other adults and children?

When my children were pre-school I had 1 or 2 days a week with them, and we would go out to all sorts of activities. Even if it was just to a playground or park, meeting up with other parents and children. Sometimes baby classes or play groups, or trips out to play farms, soft play etc etc.

Personally I would expect the TV to be off during the day, unless its a specific children's programme and she is using the TV as a way to entertain your son whilst she is making lunch or similar. I would also expect her to take him out of the house each day - children need fresh air and exercise!

Does he not attend nursery ?
that’s utter shit parenting

Could she up her shifts and you reduce yours and you spend more time with your son?

^

His wife's behaviour is hardly something most people would want to admit to.

This. She may be depressed but it’s still shit parenting let’s not dress it up because she is female. Tell her things need to change and if she feels unable to cope she needs to see the doctor but don’t let your son suffer any more. It IS neglect. You’re enabling it.

If your child is 4, presumably he's starting school in September, but hasn't been to nursery yet...?? (assuming you'r in the UK).

Although, I'm also inclined to think it's a reverse as in it's the wife posting about her husband.

Exactly this.

It's not unusual. I saw it loads in circles I used to mix in when I was young, before I had children. A couple I used to drink with were equally lazy and would send their kids to bed with a pot noodle for dinner.

I think I would maybe suggest sending him to some kind of nursery or other care situation where they would do morethings, even part time.

I don't think she sounds especially depressed, at least not more than most people in modern society, she just sounds lazy. I don't think it's as uncommon among women as people think.

But in any case the real issue is getting some more interaction and activity for your child.

@HollowTalk I kind of meant that the wife might be the one WFH while her husband sits around doing nothing with the kid all day…

Gosh, there’s been an influx of threads from dads doing all the work whilst the lazy mums do nothing on here lately and threads about men suffering at the hands of women in other ways too.

Doesn’t he even go to nursery? Are you in the Uk?

You say he’s not being neglected, but a four year old that gets next to no stimulation outside the home and very little at home is being neglected. Id be worried that he will be behind when he starts school because of lack of experience and conversation.

WHAT does she actually do for you or your son? Her behaviour is definitely not normal. Doesn't she ever meet other mums on the park/in a cafe/at a play group?

I’m glad I’m not the only to think if this was about a guy he would be absolutely torn apart.

Of course this is neglect. Poor child.

@SwimmingWithARockStar I was just thinking that.

This is crap parenting on her part. Talk to your wife, is she okay? If she is she needs to up her game if not she needs to get to the doctor. Get your son into a nursery or preschool so he gets some stimulation, he needs exercise, the chance to socialise, the chance to learn. He's not getting that from her.

Dads frequently behave like this though

It isn’t ok - how could you ever think it might be?