How do you cope with being rejected by a family member?

[TalkSomeSense1]

Posting here for traffic. Sorry

Just that, really. What coping strategy do you have in place to enable you to deal with the pain it's caused/causing? It's something I'm going through at the moment and I need to take back the power and learn to live with it.

Of course, context helps because two situations are never the same however, I respect that you don't want to share.

Don't give people power over you, by allowing them into your headspace.

Really, count your blessings in life and try to move on. Don't hold on to anger, it will only make you suffer in the long run.

Do what makes you happy and be kind to yourself.

It's really not 'strong with this one'. The PP wasn't helpful or insightful and only out to throw some mud so I stand by my response to it. Some one elses problems/hurt/grief aren't there for enternainment. My question was all about how have you coped if it has happened to you. Nowhere in the library of considered responses are the words 'perhaps it's deserved?' As I said previously it might be deserved. It might not. There are always two angles and I'm self aware enough to know none of us get it right 100% of the time.

Thank you! For some context no abuse or murder or anything to do with drugs are involved in this really sad situation.
And I'm going to try to not let it occupy too much headspace once the dust has settled a little. The future is everything and there is a lot of do! xx

Therapy. It really is the way to stop your thoughts going over the whys/what happened etc

you can find a counsellor who specialises in families and go for a session to try it. Can help you get things in perspective and not make this situation impact on other family members etc

Sorry - I thought it was obvious - I'm after advice on how to cope with family estrangement. If anyone has gone through it and come out the other side. I suppose it's the same as if you had been blindsided with a divorce. Trying to unpick perspectives and intertwined lives.

This might be very helpful. I'll look into it. Thank you!

I am estranged from all my family. It impacts me greatly. I I'm reminded about it several times a day. This is further complicated by the fact that I was abused abhorrently throughout my childhood.

The first step is to find a good therapist. Do you have a good support network around you? Self-care also.

My honest advice is to get some therapy to help deal with it. It helped me immensely.
it also prevents you from talking to others that may be involved about it, a mistake I made early on. The more it’s discussed by interested parties, the bigger it becomes in your world.
fwiw, both sides were at fault in my situation.

keep busy, keep perspective, but definitely get someone to talk too.

wishing you well OP it’s one of the most difficult situations I have ever been in and I wish I had spoken to a therapist in the early days.

What relation is the family member to you?

Well you're not exactly coming across too well here, that's for certain...

😂😂😂

Thanks I will do @Dominuse

I'm lucky enough to have great people to lean on. But they are on my side in all of it. I think a third party who is completely impartial (and not just in it for the entertainment) will be the right thing to do. Thank you xx

Perhaps read some of my other replies before you judge?

Trying to accept it and moving on. Stop beating yourself up about what could or should have been. Sounds twee but surround yourself with good friends, your chosen family. Life carries on.

My brother despises me because I was the academic one while he struggled at school, went out the rails and was a dropout. I adored him when he was a kid, but for some reason he shut me out of his life once he became a teenager and has avoided me at all costs ever since. It makes no sense and has been really hard to accept but I just don't even try anymore. It gets a bit easier over time but feels desperately sad at the occasional Christmas or wedding or something and he completely ignores me.

You have still not been clear about why this family member has rejected you @TalkSomeSense1

But the way you are going on and barking and sniping at posters on here, many of whom are just trying to help, it's becoming easy to see why some people may want to avoid you.

No and it's not necessary to know why. It's not the point of this thread nor would it change anything. Added to which I don't understand the need - other posters have been very kind and helpful with suggestions and told me how they have coped, I have thanked them for their time - not barked or sniped at all - and got some very useful takeaways on how to best move forwards. Washing my dirty laundry in public wouldn't get me any different answers. But thank you for your input.

It's so sad. It's been the bigger things that have thrown up the most anxiety but head up and I know that whatever is said right now (and some of it has been awful) my door will always be open. Always.

Reading some of your situations gives me some comfort (not quite the right word) to know I'm not alone with this and people have survived before me. I'm grateful.

Well calling a pp a bint, doesn't exactly help.
Maybe they are estranged because you are aggressive, abusive and detrimental to their wellbeing?
Maybe they are to you?
In the first instance, leave them alone- In the second, what positivity would someone so awful bring to your life?

I'm none of those things. I think my previous post saying my door would always be open perhaps suggests that I'm not a nasty person. Life happens to everyone and my question was about how people coped. Saying 'perhaps you deserved it' was neither helpful nor insightful. I haven't barked or sniped at anyone who read and understood my initial ask for help, have I? And if reiterating my desire for not sharing all of the in's and out's of what has been going on but asking for some coping stratagies is aggressive, abusive or whatever in your eyes, then so be it.

My mother has rejected me. She will NOT hear me. I told her she hurt me and she made herself the victim of that. My father came over to reprimand me for hurting mum. She has gaslighted me and manipulated me and trashed me to the whole family. It was so painful I went to therapy and to begin with my focus was I have to fix this, at some point, it shifted a little to ''I have to protect myself''. She would be OUTRAGED by the idea that I need to protect myself from her but that's what I feel. I think I've just felt a lot of pain and eventually it feels less painful. Part of that process. If it's fresh, you have all of my sympathy. xx

I listened to a really good book on audible earlier, peter walker's the tao of fully feeling. I found it a good listen for somebody who is struggling with pain.
I've listened to a lot of helpful books on audible. Self compassion books helped the most I think. I got a self help work book and did the exercises. That did help. Had therapy for 18 months too.

Learn to live with the pain, has been my experience.

Try to separate what you're genuinely responsible for and what you're not. Apologise for what you regret. Make sure they know your door is always open and mean in - a fresh start is always possible.

Then mourn the past. And then try not to live in it.