To be annoyed that DH eats his food as if he’s in a TV advert.

[TheresaLeafy]

An El Paso advert.

All exaggerated movements. Eyebrows raised and eyes rolled. Fork pulled from mouth with a smack and with gusto.

I know he’s trying to show his appreciation.

But we’re not on TV.

Urgh re the cheffy sprinkling - my ex did this. I used to hate it when he cooked because it was always a ridiculous cheffy performance and then when it was finally on the plates you had to wait while he did cheffy sprinkling and adding garnishes. Then he wanted loads of praise as well and kept fishing for compliments.

still I think the lip-smacking performance eating would be worse. I have a relative who goes “MMM! MMM! MMM!” throughout eating and it makes me want to stick a fork in my eye.

My adult stepson used to throw his head back and sort of move the food around in his mouth (wide open) if it was too hot. Hard to explain but was a bit like gargling to keep hot food off his throat maybe. Also ate with his mouth open and talked thru meals. I started eating separately from him and DH.

Ducks in a row, spa day and then divorce obviously.

Some of these made me laugh.

my sister rarely eats with me and I know it’s because my jaw cracks when I eat. That’s bad enough but I can’t help it at least!

Oh my God, how have you not killed/left him?

Are you pregnant by any chance?

I remember being heavily pregnant and my husband was eating foxes glacier mints and they were banging and clattering sound his mouth so much that I had to leave the room. I was FURIOUS. How had I never noticed this before? It was deafening.
I went into labour about 40 minutes after this and found out that this rage at noisy eating is common before labour starts.

if this is not the case, then I suggest you do the same thing only louder to him. I think that was what was recommended on the thread with the husband making pirate noises 😂

My FIL does something different but just as annoying. He treats every dish he’s presented with as if he’s judging them for master chef and comments to the maker of said dish as if that’s genuinely the case.

I cringed so hard I think I tore a few muscles when we went to a local pub and he told the guy that came to check if our food was ok that the lasagne “was lacking in vigour” and that the salad was a “sad, mournful affair.” Went on to tell the table that good food makes your mouth sing, then turned back to the lad and said, “there’s no soul in the food, where’s the heart?” Palms dramatically upturned, eyes looking skyward as if imploring to God himself. Dh said, “Dad, this is a Wetherspoons.” He looked embarrassed, quickly collected himself and indignantly snapped back with, “it doesn’t matter! Cooking is an art and this (stabs at lasagne) is slop.” Poor lad was all “oh, I’m really sorry about this, let me get my manager.” FIL sighed deeply and said “no, don’t bother. It’s done now.”

over a 2 for 1 Wetherspoons lunch.

My dsis’s ex and all his family did this.
My dsis hated the ‘orgasm’ noises at meal times. And they also critiqued the food to each other, trying to detect the different ingredients.
They really had champagne ideas on beer money wages.

XH does this - so fucking glad I don't live with him anymore!!!

That is mortifying

My DM (now elderly) has started sticking her tongue out between closed lips as the loaded cutlery approaches - it's awful but I can't tear my eyes away if I'm opposite her.

She has always done an exaggerated lip-smacking, chomping thing if tasting something, particularly if asked to taste it - "try this, what do you think? - does it need more seasoning?" etc. I asked her about it once & she told me "that's how you taste things"

Does anyone on mumsnet actually do any of these weird things they suggest? This is such a fucked up way to even think about speaking to your partner, as if they’re some stupid and naughty child. A ‘sharp, staccato STOP’ because he’s making a face you dislike while eating? Who speaks to people like that?

I'm not going to excuse the orgasm eaters, but this one actually has some science behind it.

If you pour boiling water onto coffee (really coffee but I think instant too?) it does something chemical which raises cholesterol. Sounds mad but my verifiable genius older brother was telling me just a week ago.

You should let the water cool slightly, and pouring from height will help this.

Maybe you could spend more time looking at your plate than judging your company for enjoying their food?

You could just let the water cool slightly first?

You could, but if you're in a hurry? My only point was this has some science behind it.

And is fun to do 😉

Does he happen to watch YouTube at all, I've noticed that the mukbanger channels and most who eat in their vlogs make ridiculous sounds and facial features😂

....I am in awe at this. I bet the waiters at his local pub either spit in his food, OR secretly hope to be the one to serve him so they get to hear this amazing bollocks every time, like performance art.

I would bet my life they spit in it or perhaps drop it and put it back on the plate.

Why are people so horrifically rude?

I have another relative that eats like a man dying in the desert. I've had dogs with severe resource guarding issues with better table manners than him

@StooOrangeyForCrows is your relative here the youngest in a large family, by any chance? I am ashamed to say that I am like this. When I serve dinner for me and my son, my son (an only child) is still at the "arranging his cutlery before eating" stage when I (youngest in my family) am already scraping my plate. I have only once in my life met someone who eats faster than me. (I am not proud of it!)

@Adventurine - this is amazing! The upturned palms really got me 😂

No, He's an only child. He inhales his food. He can't taste anything. It's bizarre to witness. At first I thought he was doing it for a joke but....no. He'll take all evening to finish one beer though.

When mine tries something he put it in his mouth with an eyebrow raise and a questioning noise (imagine Scooby Doo)
Then if it is acceptable he nods and make a positive grunt - the kids say he’s agreeing with his food.
I say it’s fucking annoying

Hoppingreen

That made me chuckle. Scooby Doo 😀