Uniform makes her uncomfortable

[fUNNYfACE36]

Dd3 is at a state secondary school which allows girls to wear a school summer dress r as an option in the summer term.Dd since the age of 12 has had a large bust , now is now 1 5and has stopped growing and is a petite 5 ft nothing size 4 trousers with 34 E chest which doesn't sound big , but looks very big on her and attracts unwanted attention. The school have brought in a new rule that school jumpers can no longer be worn with the summer dress - blazers only..zthid is problematic because dd always wears a jumper to cover her bust whether in winter or summer uniform, also the buttons on the summer dress gape. At least the winter uniform has a tie to cover gaping.
Before the rule was brought in I spent £120 on 3 new dresses and I am annoyed she can't wear them now. Other girls feel the same but no-one feels able to bring it up with the staff.The next size up completely drowns her btw
Aibu to say something to the school .she has another 3 years to go.The same uniform is worn through the 6ht form too

Either sew up between the buttons so they can’t gape, or get the bigger size and get them tailored to fit her? Sounds like an investment if she can wear them until 6th form …

I would speak to the school, particularly as the buttons gape.

Surely wearing a jumper the whole time undoes the point of wearing a summer dress anyway?

Can she wear a plain white vest top underneath so even if it gapes nothing is seen?

I'd look into getting a larger size and getting them altered so they fit her well overall. I realise it's a pain but if it meant she was more comfortable in my opinion it would be better than her having to wear a jumper to cover up, I wouldn't like that for my daughter.

I'd have words with the school myself. But I'd also be temped to sew up the buttons. It cannot be that comfy to always wear a jumper.

Does she have to wear the summer dress? Could she not continue to wear shirts?

Assuming it's optional, I'd sell on the dresses and then either buy the larger size and take in a back seam, or just go back to whatever the other uniform option is.

Daft rule though.

Sew poppers between the buttons (or better still velcro strips) which should stop the gaping issue.

Still very frustrating for your daughter I appreciate.

Why can’t she just wear the normal uniform? Forget the summer dresses -sell them if you can.

Crop top over bra so if gaping nothing can be seen or larger size and have it taken in for a better fit, or watch a YouTube video on how to do it if you want to do it yourself.

I remember being too petite for year 7 school uniform with an A line skirt and my Mum had to make adjustments including removing the waistband. I have had to adjust waists on Ds1 who was large of bottom so we had to buy uniform to fit his rear but then the waist was too big, even adjustable trousers only adjust so much.

You can of course raise it with the school and make them aware of the situation for some students which they might not have considered. There are also "fuller bust" shirts out there if she can wear a shirt from anywhere, ie not from the uniform supply shop. Asos do them. I have a large chest and have had to find these shirts before. It is shit when she is restricted with a uniform.

The gaping button issue is likely to cause a problem for the school if it causes a distraction in class. Once boys start commenting they may revoke the rule.
Not all parents will be able to make sewing alterations or afford to get the dresses tailored

Has she tried wearing a minimiser bra? They do help to reduce the look of a large bust.

Do talk to the school about finding a compromise. Perhaps a lightweight sleeveless pullover on top of her dress or something. Many girls are self conscious about their breasts and if it’s a mixed school they have a right to be comfortable around boys.

I've been busty all my life from around that age too. I'd recommend a vest top underneath or a sports bra/bralet under if she'd be comfortable wearing them as they will show much less if the buttons do gape. Also, speak with the school and tell them the situation - if they don't want jumpers, surely she can wear a little cardigan or something with the dress for a bit of extra comfort.

I agree it’s mad to be wearing a jumper in summer term on top of a dress. Agree with school that a blazer will look better. Can she not wear skirt or trousers (winter uniform) instead if she’s so set on wearing a jumper?

I understand her being self-conscious. But I think you need to address why the button gape.
I was pretty much same size as your DD - short, slim, small waist and hips but huge bust. For years all my dresses had to be bought at size 16 to allow for my chest, then taken in at side seams and sometimes darts inserted too, depending on style, to bring the rest of dress down to to a size 10. Nowadays more people have bigger boobs, dresses aren’t such a problem but obviously you have no option with uniform dresses.

I think the unreasonable part of this is that school haven’t given you much notice - unless you purchased dresses from a named supplier and can exchange them for the next size up. Or are they bringing in this rule for summer 2023?

If dresses are optional then just wear the normal uniform (and make sure the shirt is big enough) I can't imagine she'll want to wear a summer dress much longer anyway - it's pretty unusual for them to be an option in secondary school.

My DD is pretty much the same size/shape as yours and she's had no issues with a shirt that's a size bigger and wearing a blazer (also a size big).

If I were you I'd be encouraging your daughter and the other girls who feel similarly to write a group letter to the Head expressing their feelings on the matter. Then, depending on the response, you can add your voice after that.

Women are consistently disadvantaged by uniform policies, and it is VITAL that we stick up from ourselves. This is a really good time for her to learn this lesson.

Is the summer dress one of those gingham jobs? They generally are abandoned by
pupils over the age of 13 where I am in favour of the main uniform.

Oh I sympathise. Even in my uni graduation photos you can see the big gaping hole in my button up shirt. No real advice as I never did find a solution, but I know what she's going through.

The shirt isn’t the problem, though, it’s the summer dress.

Totally off topic but I’d look up BOB sizing on bra’s as as a size 4 there is no way she is a 34 band bra!
On subject, a properly fitted bra may help stop the gaping buttons.

I sympathise as we're going to run in to this issue with DD - she's only 12 and a 30E already

I can sew, so I'm going to buy in bigger sizes and adjust to fit, it's the only real option for anything button front.

Ps. I know it's slightly off topic but if she's a size 4 she almost certainly should not be wearing a 34 back bra. If she's been fitted at somewhere like m&s they tend to be too big in the band (by 2-3 sizes) and way too small in the cup. The band size should be the underbust measurement in inches - and most of the support comes from the band so if it's too big she'll end up with shoulder and back pain. Sorry if you know this but the sizing jumped out at me

As a large busted woman, I think that would still be awful.

At age 15, with good deodorant, she should be able to own 1 dress I think. So I’d buy a bigger dress and spend out for alterations.

At the same time as raising with school that it was ridiculous.

Speak to the school, if you explain they should make an exception. Our school have all kinds of uniform exceptions, including allowing students to wear hats, trainers and not to wear ties etc.

Just as an aside: size 4 bottom but 34 top sounds a very unusual combination. Has she been measured properly? I’d not be surprised at a 30G (my size, and I’m now 4 below!) and a better fitted bra would help.