to ask... what have you "made of your life"

[mypinkslippers]

What would be the one thing you would say when it all ends, that you "made" of your life. As in, what would be the one thing, if you had to quantify it in one achievement, that is your legacy on this earth, that is the most meaningful thing that you did?

I'm obviously asking for my own reasons. If it's more than one that's okay, but I'd like to know how people crystallise their achievements. I was musing on my life and I've done lots but I think it's a mid-life thing that I'm thinking, well when my child is older and I'm no longer a mother, what will I look back on?

Thank you for your help. Seeing what others believe to be their impact on this world will help my process.

I have been a present parent to my children and a present wife to my husband. I think that is the most important thing.

Outside of that, I have made differences in the lives of people, sometimes just small insignificant differences, but things that have made people's lives easier. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. But I do my best to make other people's loads easier and their journey a little lighter. I'm happy with that.

Why are you giving yourself the stress of leave behind some form of legacy?

It’s like having some kind of a target over your head as you lie in your deathbed.

I think that's wonderful. Being present is so important.

It's not so much 'what you have made of your life' for me. more of 'I can live with the person that I am'. I know I am a good soul and that is all I need really

And that is refreshing to hear and well done.

My life has been family oriented. I've took career/earnings hits because of that. I'm now doing childcare for my GC. I'm happy with that. My DD's work across Social Care and are good people, me having them has made a positive change in other people's lives.

The life I have built, and will continue to build, for my son. He is adopted and has gone through some really difficult times but I am fighting so hard for his future and I have every confidence that he will have an amazing future.

Suchhhh different views on this now than I had a couple of years ago (thanks to my therapist!)

Before, I’d have said I hold this level of professional seniority, I have achieved these qualifications, I am paid this much, oh and I’ve had a couple of kids.

Now, I’d say my family and I are happy and fulfilled, I am giving my children a loving start and breaking some pretty toxic cycles, I’m “present” (great word PP) for my husband and family and I’m following my own path, giving me purpose and helping me give back to community for the good help I’ve been given in turn.

I can tell you OP, based on experience, when you are on your death bed, the things you won't be reflecting on (probably) are the things people often measure success by. I read a good saying, "No-one on their death bed ever wished they had spent more time at work."

Same here Bunty.
Better than stressing for a Death Bed Target as mentioned above.

"It's not so much 'what you have made of your life' for me. more of 'I can live with the person that I am'. I know I am a good soul and that is all I need really"

I've always lived by the mantra that the most important place that you'll ever have to live is in your own head. So cultivate a positive, peaceful and enriching place.

It's very hard to measure. I'll be happy if my children are close to each other as adults, are good to themselves, their families and the environment. That won't all be down to me, but I know some of it will be. I worry more about leaving damaging legacies, even though it's a pointless thought as too late to change now.

Can't recommend this book enough!

For me it's that I'm happy and I've created a happy life for my son.

The things that make me happy are my son, my husband and our marriage, my career, my friends and where we live. We're very lucky...

That doesn't mean we've always had it easy as we've experienced some really tragic things but our attitude to life has helped us through.

I get what you are saying but wouldn’t include my child I’m not sure if that’s counts as an achievement and how she makes her way in the world are her achievements not mine I don’t want to take that away from her.

I spent my life helping people in various ways, but now spent and looking to do things for me, travel again, experience life again, hopefully that’ll be a some sort of ‘legacy’ live more for today.

I read a good saying, "No-one on their death bed ever wished they had spent more time at work."

Nothing personal but I really dislike this saying!!

My career brings me a lot of satisfaction and joy. It's also given me some amazing experiences which my parents could have only dreamt of! I will look back when I'm older on these experiences and think 'wow'.

I get the sentiment but it does dismiss the fact that lots of people do get a lot of satisfaction from their career.

you will always be your child’s mother, that doesn’t stop just because they grew up.

I’m also an adoptive parent, I hope that at least for my son, I have stopped the cycle of abuse and neglect which led to three successive generations of his family being in care.
I am training to be a foster carer - I hope I can make a difference to some other lives.
If my children, god children, friends and family can look back and think Ted27 was a good egg who made the best cream tea and a mean pot of strawberry and pimms jam, I’ll be happy with that

@ChiswickFlo that book looks great! Off to order it.

Being a good mother was my personal strongest desire as a human being, (probably due to my own upbringing) I hope I've achieved this but you would have to ask my sons! The t-shirt I'm wearing at the moment is a Charles Mackesy print saying 'what do you want to be when you grow up........ Kind said the boy'. If everybody lived by that the world would be a better place to leave to our children.

I suppose raising my DD is my main achievement.

However, I hope to be in a situation soon that I can foster rescue cats.

I also garden in a way the prioritises wildlife (including slugs, wasps, greenfly, ants and pigeons). You mess with nature if you take a species out of the equation.

i also care about climate change and try to follow that old world war 2 slogan.

use it up/ wear it out/make do/ do without. I’ve got a fair way to go, but we really need to face some ‘inconveniences’ to even start to make a difference. I don’t believe Governments will do much until we all start facing the truth, and it becomes the main criterion for voting.

Ironically, I don’t begrudge my daughters generation desire for material things. I just think us oldies (definitely 60’s and above) we’ve had our fun, and we should be at least be trying to make amends.

I agree with this 100%. Unless you're someone very very very important like the Queen or Shakespeare, you're going to be forgotten within a few generations - even if you ARE someone important there will come a time when nobody remembers who you are. Think about how old this planet it, and the amount of time we as humans each spend living on it. It's so insignificant it's unreal.

Just ENJOY your life, and be a GOOD person.

That's the only thing I want to achieve.

I would say that I've worked and provided enough money and assets for my dc that they won't have to stress about money as adults.

The flip side is that I've been a less 'present' parent to them, though they know they are loved.

I'm an existentialist, so I don't think there is a grand meaning or purpose to this life. I just hope to have made a positive contribution when I die.

I'm a teacher, I adore my job, the relationships you build with some students is just fab. I love the fact that to some students, I have made a difference to their lives.

I hope I have been a good mother (still in the testing teenage years!) but I have two children I'm incredibly proud of, who are both going into caring careers.

And I hope I have been a good wife. Certainly I love my husband and have a happy life with him.

I'm a good daughter and loyal friend. I don't earn the most, or have the best career, but I am proud of the people my children are becoming, and I hope I give more than I receive. I think by the time I die, I will leave the world that tiny bit happier for me being here.

My estranged father has made big differences in the world including a lot of work for charity. It’s made me constantly worried that I’ve not done anything “big” but interesting what a poster above says about not having this “target” hung over your deathbed because that’s exactly what I feel now! Particularly as I’m examine life as i turn 60 and so many of my friends have achieved so much. Very unsettling but what a fascinating thread.

A career that I find satisfying and rewarding. It also pays well & gives us a lovely relaxed life. I agree with a PP that people often dismiss a career as unimportant, but for me it has definitely been life enhancing.