to ask... what have you "made of your life"

[mypinkslippers]

What would be the one thing you would say when it all ends, that you "made" of your life. As in, what would be the one thing, if you had to quantify it in one achievement, that is your legacy on this earth, that is the most meaningful thing that you did?

I'm obviously asking for my own reasons. If it's more than one that's okay, but I'd like to know how people crystallise their achievements. I was musing on my life and I've done lots but I think it's a mid-life thing that I'm thinking, well when my child is older and I'm no longer a mother, what will I look back on?

Thank you for your help. Seeing what others believe to be their impact on this world will help my process.

Yes this. Live your life in the moment, take each day as it comes. There isn’t anything more to it.

YABU because some of us haven't achieved anything.

" This my dear is the greatest challenge of being alive, to witness the injustice of the world and not allow it to consume our light. "

I'm a teacher but sometimes feel, as a supply teacher, that I'm only pretending. I love my job but no-one's going to remember me for that!

I have 2 lovely children; hopefully I'm bringing them up right.

I have taken and printed loads of photos - we have albums full of family snaps and some of my artier photos are on strangers' living room walls.

After an unhappy and abusive childhood, I have made a family life where we laugh, have fun and love each other. I have 3 teens, who whilst have their own teenage issues, I know I have given them a good childhood.

I have a husband who is my best friend. He listens and supports me. I am now in a job that I love, I wake up each morning looking forward to going in.

There's alway the gremlin on my shoulder that says this will end, but I am content and happy at this moment in my life.

@Bunty55 that exactly how I look at it too.

Im not always as present as I should be, or as happy as I think I should be. I have bad days where all I want to do is sleep, and good days where I’m in that moment in time and nothing else matters.

But knowing I’ve done what I absolutely can to make someone feel loved, or happy..even helping someone with no connection or benefit to me whatsoever. I feel that, in my mind, is something of a legacy.

Basically put - to go to bed every night feeling that I have been the best version of myself that I can be on that day.

I don't think it takes away from anything. This saying has been around donkeys' years but I am surprised that on this site most of the replies so far seem to be about being present for family.

I mean, will you say you wish you'd spent more time there? Just curious.

I have actually broken some really vicious cycles in my parenting, with help! I am proud of this because my upbringing left a lot to be desired.

My child brings me the most joy in life, but as she grows up I did start thinking 'shit! what "am I" when she grows up?" - and this caused my midlife crisis type thing.

You will always be a mother, even when your child grows up. If you've done a good job of it, your children will chose to remain a constant in your life.

I have made peace with the fact that I have made the best of what I have been given. My kids know I love them. I've done the best I can with them.

I know someone who was very career focused and driven, achieved all of their ambitions and then died in their 30s. As they neared the end, they just wished to have the time they had hoped for with their child.

I'm another one who doesn't like the saying about being on your death bed and not wishing you had worked more. It assumes that 'work' is something done under obligation out of the necessity to secure money. I know that it can be that way. But shouldn't we aspire for more? I love my work. I feel privileged to do it. It has provided life changing experiences for me and my family, in part because I have worked hard to get here.

I love my family to pieces: one of the things I am proud of is showing them that women can be successful and happy at work, as well as having a loving and happy family.

My greatest achievements are my children BUT also a career I find worthwhile and fulfilling and that I think makes a difference.
I have both

I’ve just finished this, fantastic book!

I've raised a happy, healthy child who i believe will make a positive difference in the world.

And through my work, I have made a positive - sometimes life-changing - difference to many people.

It's only stressful if you frame it that way.

Fact is you leave a legacy whether you try to or not. You've been here – you're already leaving an impact.

So you may as well think about the kind of ancestor you want to be to future generations – and you can think about that as a joy and a gift, not a target over your head.

I mean, will you say you wish you'd spent more time there? Just curious.

I don't think I will say ' I wish I'd done more...' anything really. I just don't think like that. I'll look back at the wonderful things my career allows me to do, which my child benefits from too.

I'm fortunate to have a career and a family and I'm immensely proud of both.

In MN the deathbed phrase is often used to make wonton feel guilty for working full time when they've had children which I why I dislike it so much!

I swore I'd be nothing like my parents, and would do all I could to distance myself from how I was dragged up.
I don't have much, but I've achieved what I wanted to, and I'm proud of that.

Thanks for the book recommendation. I've ordered for dh's birthday. Oliver Burkeman is on the Rebel Wisdom podcast this week.

As to legacy? The usual - I've tried to make my dc's life better than mine. Like my parents did for me. Education, opportunities, health.

As in, what would be the one thing, if you had to quantify it in one achievement, that is your legacy on this earth, that is the most meaningful thing that you did?

there aren't many things I've done that are outside of just living my life.

But there is one thing that although most people will never know it was me I am incredibly proud of.

I got a murderer and multiple child rapist put in prison. He died in prison. That is to me the most meaningful thing I've achieved and that is my legacy.

I agree. And actually, I'm not sure that it's true.

My mum isn't on her death bed yet, but she has spent the best part of the last 30-40 years regretting the fact that she gave up her career to be a SAHP. It is her single biggest regret and a major one at that. So frankly, even if she doesn't think about it on her deathbed, it has made the second half of her life pretty miserable.

I think it's about balance, personally. I don't want to look back and feel that I failed to prioritise my family appropriately but neither do I want to feel that all of my own personal dreams, goals and achievements were sacrificed in order to meet my family's needs. I want to look back with pride and joy at what I achieved in my family life and my career. I don't feel that I have to make a choice.

I read a good saying, "No-one on their death bed ever wished they had spent more time at work."

I’m another who hates this saying (but as someone who finds her work hugely rewarding and meaningful, I’m probably biased).

Nobody on their deathbed thinks “I wish I spent more time changing nappies” or “if only I’d been in more queues at airport security”.

I’ve got 5 adult children and stepchildren, who have all turned out great. I was determined to “make more of my life” than my disinterested mother did as far as family life is concerned.
I was an infant ( mainly reception) teacher from 1978-2018 so hopefully I did a little bit of good somewhere along the way!

My mum isn't on her death bed yet, but she has spent the best part of the last 30-40 years regretting the fact that she gave up her career to be a SAHP. It is her single biggest regret and a major one at that. So frankly, even if she doesn't think about it on her deathbed, it has made the second half of her life pretty miserable.

I hear this a lot. I research woman's career development as part of my job and hear time and time again from women who feel they had to choose career or family. It absolutely is possible to have both.

Professionally not much.

My DC have extra needs I've learned a lot from that and intend to put my experience to good use.

I'm a good friend, family member, neighbour, good mother most of the time.

I'm considerate of others I've always been sensitive and help with local charities, sometimes I question if I'm trying to prove my worth within a family who've done well financially by being overly generous to people in need.

Overall my life doesn't amount to much in comparison to high achieving people sometimes it gets me down but mostly I'm happy with my lot.

Why does everyone have to achieve things? Or leave a legacy? Are we not just allowed to enjoy the time we have?

I have an ok job which I like, three children who piss me off and delight me in equal measure and a lovely husband who adores me. This things make me happy, but aren't 'achievements' and my life is pretty mundane compared to a lot of peoples. Im content though and don't want for anything, so this will do for me. Not everyone is destined for great things or feels the need to achieve a lot.

I'm retired now, but I had a great and fulfilling career where I was able to help many people. My children are adults with wonderful lives, and I guess I brought them up well because they show that they love me dearly and remember happy childhoods. And I still have a lovely relationship with my DH who tells me every day that he loves me. I'm happy !