to ask... what have you "made of your life"

[mypinkslippers]

What would be the one thing you would say when it all ends, that you "made" of your life. As in, what would be the one thing, if you had to quantify it in one achievement, that is your legacy on this earth, that is the most meaningful thing that you did?

I'm obviously asking for my own reasons. If it's more than one that's okay, but I'd like to know how people crystallise their achievements. I was musing on my life and I've done lots but I think it's a mid-life thing that I'm thinking, well when my child is older and I'm no longer a mother, what will I look back on?

Thank you for your help. Seeing what others believe to be their impact on this world will help my process.

Why wouldn't a person be proud of their working life on their death bed and wish they'd the time to give more of their time to do what they love.

Sir TP springs to mind.

Some people's working life is life changing for others, others is life changing for themselves, whichever side is a positive choice.

Yes me too. I’d like to retire this saying.

people often do a lot of good with their careers, and derive a lot of pleasure and satisfaction out of them.

The most meaningful thing I have done is be a mother to three incredible children and make a good marriage and family life when coming from an abusive and neglected childhood. I am 50 and I haven't had many years without something bad and difficult happen but I am still here and doing my best.

Exactly! We are allowed to be proud of what we have achieved!

That's not to say that everyone needs to feel the same. I think it's every bit as valid to say that you have enjoyed your time without feeling the need to "achieve". For some people, it may be all about experiences and/or relationships. For me, it's about experiences, relationships and achievements but we're all different!

@Mumwantingtogetitright

I don’t think anyone is saying that you shouldnt be proud of what you have achieved. But not everyone has jobs or careers that make a real difference or offer them amazing experiences.
I’ve has a decent career in the public sector. I’m 57 this year, when I look back at a working life of 35 years, I can see jobs I’ve enjoyed, jobs I’ve hated, I’ve worked with some lovely people and some not so lovely people. I’ve done some good work, but anyone with a good level of education, a dose of common sense, and who was generally competent could have done what I have. I can only see maybe 10 years or so where I have made a real difference, because of what I brought to a role that someone else may not have been able to do.
I think many, many people’s jobs are like that.

I'm neither suggesting that they are or that they should be. Work will be meaningful and important for some of us, and a means to an end for others. That's fine.

What I am objecting to is the minimising of the value that some of us put on work achievements through the trite qnd inaccurate phrase that "nobody ever regretted not spending more time at work" - as if work is, by its very nature, empty and meaningless. It doesn't have to be, and for some people, it's a really important aspect of their lives that they value alongside all of the other stuff that's also important.

I'm certainly not saying that work should be important to everyone, but it is for a lot of people, and some people do actually have genuine regrets when they haven't pursued their career ambitions in the way what they would have liked.

Publishing my books.

What I am objecting to is the minimising of the value that some of us put on work achievements through the trite qnd inaccurate phrase that "nobody ever regretted not spending more time at work" - as if work is, by its very nature, empty and meaningless. It doesn't have to be, and for some people, it's a really important aspect of their lives that they value alongside all of the other stuff that's also important.

Absolutely this 👍🏻

What’s meaningful to one person won’t be for another. Think legacy leaving is a rocky road though. Whether it’s yourself, your kids, relationships, career, achievements, actions, the way you’ve coped etc it’s ok to have been good enough at any of those things. Or none of them! We don’t have to have been super. We don’t have to have legacies to leave. We can just have been a good enough human imo.

Understanding the random, coincidental, insignificant nature of human existence has made this question irrelevant to me.

I now seek to do no harm to the planet (as much as is possible) or people, help those who have less than I do, and live as long as possible. That’s enough for me.

I have a husband, young children and no longer have a career through choice (lucky that I don’t need to earn a living). I would like to advance the plight of humanity in whatever small (minuscule!) way I can, be it through education/research, or helping others do the same. I admire others who similar for other living creatures and organisms.

What I am objecting to is the minimising of the value that some of us put on work achievements through the trite qnd inaccurate phrase that "nobody ever regretted not spending more time at work" - as if work is, by its very nature, empty and meaningless. It doesn't have to be, and for some people, it's a really important aspect of their lives that they value alongside all of the other stuff that's also important.

Of course it is. Ignore that silly phrase it is a defensive phrase similar to the dust if you must poem deliberately aimed at people with tidy homes implying the DC must be neglected by the parents.

Things I am glad about in adulthood:

Passed my driving test
Bought a car
Travelled lots across the world
Earned my undergrad degree
Bought a home
Good career as a teacher 20 years + now
Earned a post grad degree
Married DH who is fab
Had 2 daughters
Breastfed DD2 to natural term
Good group of family + friends (no drama!)
Read thousands of books
Bought a black Labrador who is fab
My Dad is still alive in his mid 70s

Things I would change
My mental health
My fitness
The garden in our current house

The work death bed thing is surely about how family should come before work but that's not to say anyone has the right to say anything should about anything.

Bought a black Labrador who is fab
Love this! I have one too & he def qualifies as my legacy/thing I’m happy about!!

Food for thought

And so when you see a man often wearing the robe of office, when you see one whose name is famous in the Forum, do not envy him; those things are bought at the price of life. They will waste all their years, in order that they may have one year reckoned by their name... I cannot pass over an instance which occurs to me. Sextus Turannius was an old man of long tested diligence, who, after his ninetieth year, having received release from the duties of his office by Gaius Caesar's own act, ordered himself to be laid out on his bed and to be mourned by the assembled household as if he were dead. The whole house bemoaned the leisure of its old master, and did not end its sorrow until his accustomed work was restored to him. Is it really such pleasure for a man to die in harness?

Seneca

en.wikisource.org/wiki/On_the_shortness_of_life/Chapter_XX

At a guess my fox mulder moment.

Deciding with a group of friends in the pun after one of their grandads died that we would get blood donation laws changed, and we did!

At the end of my life I would want to know that, even if in only a very small minute way, the world is a better place because I was in it.

I'm hoping I've still got three or four decades to go, but if I had to go tomorrow, I'd say I've enjoyed it all immensely: I've seen and experienced some terrific times and I have loved and been loved.

That'll do me.

This. But also I have planted trees. Loads of trees. Birds have nested in them. Insect have made their homes. The planet has benefitted. The people who grew the trees have made a living from people like me. Assuming the next person who buys this house doesn't raze them to the ground, people will sit in their shade and enjoy their fruit when i am dead.

Well, yes, because you are never and nor should you ever be everything to one person or define your entire identity by a relationship: it's both unlikely and unfair, whether that relationship is that of a partner, friend, parent or child.

Loading other people with that weight of expectation is deeply unhealthy.

I also dislike the phrase about noone wishes they'd worked harder on their deathbed. I believe it came about from nurses to wealthy dying old men who had prioritised working hard to become millionaires. It's not something I can relate to.

I suspect a lot of people, especially women, may regret NOT trying harder to get into a profession they love, or making more money so they are financially secure.

Work is a big part of my identity, my most interesting life experiences, it reflects my values and I have met endless wonderful friends there, satisfied my desire to be creative, and hopefully had a positive impact on my students and colleagues.

(I am a TEFL teacher at university and a writer)

At the same time, of course I have regrets, such as not choosing better paid jobs when I was younger so I could have had more savings and independence.

I have done my best as a mother and wife, but I have struggled with both and my strength has probably been as a friend.

As others have said, it's about living with yourself, being happy with the way you life your life.

I've raised a dam good woman (she recently received a Judges commendation for intervening in a crime and stopping it) we are good friends (just as well as her and her partner and I live together), I can really talk to her about things we both think matter. She's just a bloody nice person.

None of t hose things are my achievments, they are hers. Mine is that we are good friends. That's what I'm proud of.

Nothing much. Nothing to be proud of.

I went to a very good university, got a degree. Fucked up various job opportunities before ending up in one I have now. Earn about 50% of what I should for my experience and qualifications, I don't particularly enjoy it, have never been respected (as reflected in my salary) and was always made to feel I wasn't good enough.

Had children with men who have zero interest in them. I spent too much time trying to work, keep a house and juggle all the plates to spend anywhere near as much time with my DC as i should have.both did badly at school, failed to fulfil their potential and that's mostly down to me.

My house and garden are nothing special, shit and unfinished. I did at least have a half decent relationship but that ended because he has no respect for me and was messaging a woman he previously had an affair with, so that's out too. I'm clearly a shit friend too because none of my friends bother with me unless I contact them.

So yeah, all in all kind of a waste of 50 years and all the opportunities I had. Just glad my parents didn't live to see what a failure my life is.

I’ve brought 2 very caring people into the world and the world needs more caring people. I’ve helped traumatised animals to trust and be happy again. I’ve campaigned for animal rights.

I don’t really care about the rest. It’s all bullshit.