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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be able to go shopping with kids and not be 'told 'off' by complete strangers....

97 replies

MicrowaveOnly · 13/01/2008 19:53

I am GOBSMACKED ...today I was in body shop with my 2 dc paying for my stuff, when I hear the woman behind me in the queue saying " No they are most definitely NOT my children, mine would never behave so badly." Then suddenly one of the shop assistants says to ME could I stop my girls from sitting on an empty shelf.

I didn't click that the woman was talking about me until I was out of the shop (why is my brain always in 2nd gear in these situations?) and by the time I got my dc back to the shop she had gone!

Am still fuming - how unbelievably arrogant! my kids weren't particularly bad, and would you ever say that anyway?

so much for sister/mother solidarity.

OP posts:

Desiderata · 15/01/2008 09:50

Bugger me! Time of the month, anyone?

LoveAngel · 15/01/2008 09:57

Blimey, this is MN at it's worst. Go watch the news and get some perspective, ladies!

mustsleep · 15/01/2008 10:06

god it's awful when you can;t have a moan or a winge unless it's news worthy!!

sugarmatches · 15/01/2008 10:35

Winge away!!

I always laugh when i see other MNers winging about people winging!!

What entertainment! Deserves another !!

niceglasses · 15/01/2008 10:46

Lovecat - I only followed her round for a few aisles, fgs. If she thinks its worthwhile shouting 'Be quiet' to a 6mth old kid, she deserves it quite frankly and I don't think she'd even notice I was following her....i was shopping. What does she want? Do have the right to do it in silence?

niceglasses · 15/01/2008 10:48

to have the right to do it in silence, even.

sugarmatches · 15/01/2008 10:56

I was in a restaurant a few years ago with my sister and our dc. It is a family friendly restaurant and as we had children, we were seated in the back.
They kids were chatting, but were not particularly noisy. We were having a lovely time in fact.

At one point an older man came up to the table and told us to "keep it down" in the rudest way possible. My dd was about 2 1/2 and looked up at him in fear from her highchair. He then pointed directly at her and said "and you shut-up or I am going to sit on you!!"

!!!!!

At first we all sat there open mouthed and my dd was genuinely frightened! I told him to go sit down before he regretted coming over. He mumbled and went back to sit with his wife. I then went to the manager and asked him to be thrown out. The woman at the next table heard it all and said she did not think we were disruptive at all. The old dear and his wife were turned out before finishing their meal.

Over the years I have thought of so many things I had wished I said, but I was too shocked at the time.

People are so ruuuuddddeee sometimes. Especially if they have a few years on them...IMO anyway!

cornsilk · 15/01/2008 11:33

I was in the supermarket without any chn a few weeks ago and an oldish woman near me said, 'Can't they shut that kid up!' about a baby that was crying on and off on the other side of the shop. I gave her a horrified look but couldn't think of anything to say, really wanted to say aomething though.

MummyPenguin · 15/01/2008 14:37

It is interesting, when you're out and about, especially in shops, without your DC and you get to see how other people interact with their DC and how people react to children crying or squealing or whatever. Almost looking at situations from a non parent point of view. You can observe these situations without the distractions of your own DC and it can be an eye opener sometimes.

OrmIrian · 15/01/2008 14:42

I find it reassuring mummypenguin. At least I know I'm not the only one who doesn't always get it right.

MummyPenguin · 16/01/2008 10:08

Yeah, and often it makes you feel a whole lot better about your own parenting! Hell, we all get it wrong sometimes.

Domesticgodless · 16/01/2008 10:23

I don't think the OP is overreacting at all.

This country has a problem with children in public space, full stop.

I feel surveyed whenever I go out with ds1. Not so much with ds2 as it seems babies are 'OK' (unless they are crying of course, which is always your fault). And of course everyone seems to think they have a right to comment on your baby's behaviour: if they are quiet it is 'a credit to you'. This is not always actually true. DS2 just happens to be quiet; ds1 cried most of the day. They are all different and have a right to be out in public.

Over the last 6 months I have had a variety of diametrically opposed reactions to ds1 (age 4), all from people over a certain age (40ish- coincidental, who knows). Sometimes I get 'oh your ds is so well behaved, you should see the horrors I have to deal with all the time' (that was from an estate agent).

Posted a few months ago, however, about vile man on a train who snarled at poor ds1 to 'shut up' the minute he entered a 1st class train carriage while having the outrageous temerity to be talking to me (on a Saturday too!). I had flu that day and just fled the carriage in tears, but dh (who had been dealing with ds2 in the corridor) went marching in to demand an apology. On seeing a MAN, the guy soon lost his machismo- he was prepared to bully a 4 yo and woman, of course.

A lot of it is misogyny (from men and women) and easy-targeting. Mothers are fair game in this crappy culture.

slng · 16/01/2008 12:52

Nobody's told us off yet. Perhaps I look
forbidding, or cross, or idiotic, or just
foreign. In any case I'm prepared to use (dis)proportionate violence on anyone who dares to even think about it. Maybe that shows in my aura ...

SpiritualKnot · 16/01/2008 13:17

Just jumped to the end here. Had to laugh at this as I remember my mum telling me that when I was little, around 2 years old (over 40 years ago), I sat on a plate on a crockery display in a shop and everything tumbled down and smashed! So this has been going on for years!

I was at the theatre the other week to see a performance of "Fame", most of the audience were aged between 8 and 16 years old. A lady behind us tutted and said" Why do parents bring their children to the theatre?"

Some people just think parents should stay at home with their kids until they're at least 16 years of age I think (the kids, not the parents...).

GreebosWhiskers · 16/01/2008 13:34

Hah! I got it from the other end yesterday!

Was in M&S buying flowers for my mum & gran & dd3 (2.10) kept poking & prodding the plants & vases. After umpteen times of saying 'don't touch darling' I finally raised my voice & snapped 'dd leave that alone!' & got a row from an old lady who informed me that we all did things like that when we were wee.

Talk about a no-win situation

saff · 16/01/2008 14:04

i agree with domestic i spend alot of time abroad they actually like kids there which is some getting used to. sometimes if me and dh are eating out we have had people tell us how well behaved our kids are as if its an almost impossability i put it down to the fact we are not scared to socalize them (when in spain) wouldnt dare take them out here for fear of public flogging. I have just come back from supermarket and was told as i was zooming about to pick my bored whining toddler up poor kid shoulnt be dragged out shopping thanks for that i said but he may cry more when has no dinner then as i came out of shop i spotted the old bag driving out of a mum and toddler space ffs

Domesticgodless · 16/01/2008 15:23

poor kid shoulnt be dragged out shopping

wtf. It really beggars belief.

(Probably she says that because in her day kids could play out on the street all day. My mum used to do that, she was just 'put out' in the morning and told to 'get home for dinner'-
sometimes my gran would not be in so she had to wait by the door to be let in!! But I digress)

I heard a slightly younger (over 40- that does seem to be a pattern) woman tutting in Bluewater when some poor mother had a screaming newborn in a pram. The idiot said
'why do people bring their children out shopping?' Then she says, addressed to me and her friend 'When mine were little I just left them with a friend when I went shopping!'

Both of us said we had never had a single friend willing to take our children for that long. And anyway, er, aren't children allowed to cry in public??

Upwind · 16/01/2008 15:39

at the spinster remarks and the idea of the OP going back to have a go at the other customer.

In shops, as long as they are not causing damage, dcs have a right to be there but it can be annoying. Once I was in a supermarket, doing my weekly shop when a child of about 3, started whacking me and other custormers about the legs with a toy sword. He was still doing the same at the checkouts. I was sorely tempted to confiscate the sword!

There are places where children should be kept very much under control or removed - funerals, weddings, graduations etc. My parents were gutted having travelled to my DB's graduation to be sat beside a screaming baby all the way through, at weddings I have been astonished as parents allow their toddlers run around the alter during the ceremony or stay in the church while their child's screams prevent anyone from hearing the vows.

Walnutshell · 16/01/2008 15:42

Bit at VS - you are getting strict lately!

As I often find recently, have to agree with mrsruffallo.

Children are people too and not many places are geared up for them - no wonder parents spend so much time stressed out in public...

Alambil · 16/01/2008 22:29

I wish I was brave enough to answer this properly, but I'm not so I'll simply say - I am totally with VS on this one!

fireflytoo · 17/01/2008 21:44

The more we take our children out in supermarkets, theaters, restaurantsn...the more they learn how to behave properly in these places... gradually through our example

catok · 17/01/2008 22:13

Microwaveonly - if only you'd had a moment to draw breath!
"Oh, darling, that's not YOUR shelf! I'll put you both back on your shelves when we get home!" Big smile at old hag, and triumphant exit.
If any shop has empty shelves at seating height, they can expect to have them perched on, surely? Either fill the shelves with something or remove the shelf.
DHs comment would be "If that's the nicest thing she's said today, then pity her sad little life."

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