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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be able to go shopping with kids and not be 'told 'off' by complete strangers....

97 replies

MicrowaveOnly · 13/01/2008 19:53

I am GOBSMACKED ...today I was in body shop with my 2 dc paying for my stuff, when I hear the woman behind me in the queue saying " No they are most definitely NOT my children, mine would never behave so badly." Then suddenly one of the shop assistants says to ME could I stop my girls from sitting on an empty shelf.

I didn't click that the woman was talking about me until I was out of the shop (why is my brain always in 2nd gear in these situations?) and by the time I got my dc back to the shop she had gone!

Am still fuming - how unbelievably arrogant! my kids weren't particularly bad, and would you ever say that anyway?

so much for sister/mother solidarity.

OP posts:
makingnosense · 13/01/2008 19:57

She probably hasn't got any of her own kids.

tori32 · 13/01/2008 19:59

Depends on how old the girls are. Toddlers or school age. Its normal toddler stuff but naughty if older as they should know better TBH. I would comment if a child was being naughty, safety? shelves collapsing on heads?

JingleyJen · 13/01/2008 19:59

Oh you know what - I can hear my mum saying that - she doesn't seem to have empathy with anyone about anything!
I cringe when out and about with her.
for you!

VictorianSqualor · 13/01/2008 20:00

They shouldnt have been sitting on a shelf.

I'd assume the shop assistant asked the other person in the queue if they were her children, hence the remark.

I think the remark was rude, but it's a shop not a playground.

Sushipaws · 13/01/2008 20:00

She's probably jealous, maybe she was a dried up old, bitter spinster.

mrsruffallo · 13/01/2008 20:05

Children are part of our society and will behave like children, yes, even whilst in a shop. I don't know why people think they can be so judgey and rude about little one's behaviour.

Original poster
MicrowaveOnly · 13/01/2008 20:06

VS that's the kind of comment that makes me go

OF COURSE its not a bloody playground..sigh!

am I allowed to take my eyes off them (5yrs old) while I look in my purse!!!!!!

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 13/01/2008 20:08

At 5 years old they should know not to sit on shelves, and having worked in shops I know it takes more than a second before you speak to a parent about their childs behaviour.

I personally wouldn't have said anything anywhere near as rude as the woman behind you, but I still think they should have been under control.

luckylady74 · 13/01/2008 20:13

the remark was rude and tbh i don't think they were being naughty - sounds like they were waiting- i'm always leaning on things and so on. ds1 sits on the floor to wait for me. i was wondering this week why i care so little about that sort of thing [sitting somewhere they shouldn't] and i think that i've got such awful things happening within our family that it puts it in perspective.

MsSparkle · 13/01/2008 20:15

The rude woman sounds like one of those people who beleive children should be 'seen and not heard'.

VictorianSqualor · 13/01/2008 20:16

Sitting on a shelf is different to sitting on a floor and it is also pretty bloody dangerous.

cornsilk · 13/01/2008 20:17

(Victorian Squalor you sound a bit scary)

VictorianSqualor · 13/01/2008 20:19

Lol cornsilk, FWIW, I was in New Look the other day and DS (3) climbed in the windo and got told off by a shop assistant, I didn't appreciate the way she spoke to him, but he shouldn't have been there.

Also DP worked in PC world a few years when at uni and a child hurt themselves by climbing on a display, the mother then proceeded to complain to the manager about 'sharp edges'

Roobie · 13/01/2008 20:21

I was 'ticked off' the other day in our local pedestrian shopping area. 2yo Ds was dawdling behind as he always does so dd and I were a bit ahead. This is our normal practice in this particular area and I look round every couple of seconds or so and call his name to gee him up and check on him. He bumped into this lady who shouted at me in a reproachful tone of voice "Is this your little boy. He's absolutely miles behind!". I just said in a calm semi-amused voice "Oh that's OK he's fine but am I being ticked off here?" and walked off.
Calm on the exterior of course but obviously inwardly fuming at the silly mare.

Viggoswife · 13/01/2008 20:23

Don t consider sitting on a shelf to be out of control behaviour myself. I always sat anywhere as a child waiting for my Mum and so does DS. I probably would have told my DC not to if I had seen them but as OP says she did not see them. I agree with luckylady74 in that I dont really care about this sort of thing either. Probably would have said something like "Oh it must be fun in your house then" to the opinionated/rude woman in the shop and also to some who have expressed an opinion on this thread .

kittywise · 13/01/2008 20:25

Cor, kids will do things they shouldn't, is 5 too old to be sitting on an empty shelf?

No

Not surprised you're miffed, just let it go.

nametaken · 13/01/2008 20:29

I agree they shouldn't be sitting on a shelf in a shop but I think the OP was just trying to point out:

Its not what you say, it's how you say it.

It is perfectly possible to make a polite request to a parent without offending anybody.

ScottishMummy · 13/01/2008 20:38

well not being blessed with eyes in back of my head nor elastic arms im with MicrowaveOnly on this.in a nanosecond my wee one can toddle anywhere. people shouldn't be so rude isn't as if MicrowaveOnly encouraged dd to sit on a shelf is it

shatteredmumsrus · 13/01/2008 20:52

This is the exact kind of thing that really pees me off and makes me want to shout GET A LIFE!!! They are children and let them be children. So wht if they are sitting on the floor or on an empty shelf. Okay so it is not very Health&Safety concious but neither is everything else these days. I have a 3yo son who is very tall for his age and the other day a woman said he should be walking,whats he doing in the pushchair. I found myself explaining to her that he was up early and had been swimming and walked about 2 miles round the park. She then said he must be at least 4, I said he was 3 in September and she soon shut up and said hes big for his age!Afterwards I thought why was I explaining to a stranger anyway. What gives them the right to comment, how bloody rude. You did nothing wrong VS!

blisscake · 13/01/2008 21:16

A while back Dh and I were in a bathroom shop trying to sort out a design etc for a new bathroom. There were two horrors touching everything, running around, climbing on the displays, I was horrified. They were mine!! A momentary lapse of concentration and they were away. The assistant just grinned and put up with it. Presume she worked on commission.

Shattered: how dare she!!!!

Original poster
MicrowaveOnly · 13/01/2008 23:09

VS That phrase 'under control' as if they are dogs on leads! I presume you do have kids..so can I ask you what I wanted to ask that woman...are your kids completely to heel when you are outside the house?
what is your secret please?

OP posts:
MrsTittleMouse · 14/01/2008 10:09

I'm at the "dried up old spinster" comment, personally. Several of my friends are still single (we're in our late thirties), what if they don't find someone and have children? Does that mean that they'll be dried up old spinsters too, that we can insult because they don't have children and therefore know nothing?

(Re: the OP I think that it's not particularly safe to sit on a shelf, but that the assistant completely over-reacted)

VictorianSqualor · 14/01/2008 12:25

Microwaveoven, if you actually read the whole thread you'll see my 3year old decided a window display was for climbng on just last week. However once my DD reached 5 she would not have dreamt of getting on a shelf, because it's a shelf, not a chair.
Shops are places to buy things in, and if you can't stop your children doing something that may damage the shop, or worse, end up with them hurting themselves then you shouldn't take them in them.

VictorianSqualor · 14/01/2008 12:30

Oh, and also, this thread, I'm quite surprised at many of the replies.

I'm sure if the OP had said;
"I was in a shop the other day and the woman in front of me was taking no notice of her two children that were playing around and sitting on a shelf ( a shelf!! imagine how badly hurt they could have been) when the shop assistant proceeded to ask me if they were mine, I've never been so embarrassed, do you think I should have mentioned to the mother what they were doing as she was obviously pre-occupied and they could have easily fell and hurt themselves'

Would have had an awful lot more replies saying they shouldn't have been on the shelf and that the mother should have been watching them.

Saturn74 · 14/01/2008 12:37

The children shouldn't have been sitting on shelf.

Woman was rude with her "NOT my children.." comment.

Shop assistant was doing her job.

Health and safety is a minefield (), but if anything had happened, and the children got hurt, the shop could be held responsible.

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