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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be able to go shopping with kids and not be 'told 'off' by complete strangers....

97 replies

MicrowaveOnly · 13/01/2008 19:53

I am GOBSMACKED ...today I was in body shop with my 2 dc paying for my stuff, when I hear the woman behind me in the queue saying " No they are most definitely NOT my children, mine would never behave so badly." Then suddenly one of the shop assistants says to ME could I stop my girls from sitting on an empty shelf.

I didn't click that the woman was talking about me until I was out of the shop (why is my brain always in 2nd gear in these situations?) and by the time I got my dc back to the shop she had gone!

Am still fuming - how unbelievably arrogant! my kids weren't particularly bad, and would you ever say that anyway?

so much for sister/mother solidarity.

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 14/01/2008 23:42

Actually I do, quite often. I go all shy and retiring if it's me, especially if it's because one of my darling little rascals has done something they shouldn't.

I do like to complain on the behalf of others though, so probably would've tutted loudly if I was behind the woman behind you and said something about shelves versus manners

Original poster
MicrowaveOnly · 14/01/2008 23:42

..ooh must remember 'needless passive aggressive behaviour' what an excellent phrase.

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 14/01/2008 23:45

I'm terribly confrontational if anyone says anything even slightly remiss to me. It's caused a few scenes in my time, not good in my children's presence.

My New Years resolution is to turn the other cheek whilst inwardly feeling all self controlled and morally superior

colditz · 14/01/2008 23:47

Five year olds should not be sitting on shelves in shops. It is dangerous, the shelves are not built to be used as playground equipment.

Original poster
MicrowaveOnly · 14/01/2008 23:51

... well I never realised that, thank-you for pointing that out colditz..but why do you feel the need to exhibit such patronising passive aggressive behaviour?

OP posts:
colditz · 14/01/2008 23:59

You're welcome. Always happy to inform.

sugarmatches · 15/01/2008 01:34

We all have dc who sit on shelves (the body shop shelves are like wooden steps calling out for children to sit on them IMO), and we have all dealt with rude people making comments. MO, we have all been there at some point in our lives. I know mine can be buggers if they are bored and they find shopping very boring.

That being said, why would you let her comments upset you at all? The salesgirl was right to ask them to move and I am a bit surprised you only noticed what happened after you left the shop. I think this sounds like a "tell the dc to move then move on" situation. No need to get upset and certainly no need to confront anyone.

Why in the world would you prove this woman right in her obviously skewered, low opinion of you?

LoveAngel · 15/01/2008 03:10

Blimey, some people seriously need to take a chill pill! Sitting on a shelf - hardly the crime of the century.

SofiaAmes · 15/01/2008 03:51

There are shelves and there are shelves. It sounds like microwave made a calculated choice to allow her children to sit on a bench like shelf rather than wriggle about the sales floor (normal 5 year old behavior). Her complaint wasn't that the sales assistant complained, but that the mother behind her was rude and unhelpful. It would have been much nicer if she (the mother behind) had offered to entertain the children (since she was lucky enough to be able to do her shopping without hers) while microwave finished hers.

Misdee...I can totally relate to the booming voice thing. Ds is a total space cadet and if I don't shout in a really loud voice, he just doesn't come back to earth. I can't tell you the number of times I have been rudely told that my voice is too loud and that I shouldn't shout at my children. I would just like for them to try and get ds' attention without shouting. He's been known to take hours to notice even the most obvious things around him. (He can however give you a full explanation of the big bang theory at age 7.)

Kimi · 15/01/2008 07:22

I would not be put out by the sales girl as she was within her rights to ask a mother to stop her children doing something that could have hurt them, however children are children and they do not see the dangers that adults do and I know mine have done thinks I would rather they had not.

I would however have said something to the other shopper, I remember being in a W.H.Smith with DH and DS1 who was about 2 at the time and while we were waiting to pay DS1 was walking round DHs legs, he was not spinning fast or going to knock anything over he was just walking round and round with one hand on DHs leg when an old bloke stood behind us said "that child needs a bloody good smack" at this point DH (who is the sainest, gentlest and most lovely person on the planet) turns round and says "so are you going to give it to him then because if you touch my child I will smack you" ( must admit I was both and ).
I said to DH "oh how I would hate to be old and bitter and twisted about being almost dead" bloke's face was a picture.

We paid and went.

Blandmum · 15/01/2008 07:49

Kids do things that they shouldn't

And they learn when adults tell them not to.

And I think that society was healthier when children accepted that adults had a reasonably right to tell them to stop doing something when they were in the wrong.

If the shop assistant had said nothing, the kids would have got the message, 'It is OK to sit on shelves', which it is not.

Onlooker was somewhat rude. Shop assistant was doing her job.

turquoise · 15/01/2008 07:57

Totally agree with MB.

Also agree with Mrs Tittlemouse re: all the 'dried up spinster' comments.

OrmIrian · 15/01/2008 08:13

It's funny though. I've been 'informed' by shop assistants that my children are doing something they shouldn't. Most often things that I wouldn't have thought anyone would mind - like touching things and picking up toys. There are ways of saying this that seem helpful and friendly. There are also ways of saying this that make you feel like a total inadequate - using a tone that might be appropriate if I had just encouraged my youngest to poo on the floor. It's also funny how different shop assistants seem to take a different view on what is acceptable child behaviour and I can't help feeling that it's to do with how much they tolerate or dislike children rather than how important it is to their job.

Perhaps they should take child-customer-facing-skills courses . How not to come across as aggressive and/or patronising, to ensure the parents actually want to come back to your shop.

Blandmum · 15/01/2008 08:15

My kids are older (11 and 7), casting my mind back, I can't think of a time when I was ever 'informed' of their poor behaviour in shops. And it isn't because they are angels, far from it

OrmIrian · 15/01/2008 08:18

I think shop assistants have become more hardcode MB.

colditz · 15/01/2008 08:24

And yet ironically, when ds1 did leave a sizable turd on a shop's dove grey carpet, the staff could hardly have been more helpful and forgiving.

Blandmum · 15/01/2008 08:28

and thinking about it dd peed on the floor in PC world, with dh! And they were very nice about it too! She was a toddler at the time.

niceglasses · 15/01/2008 08:30

I think older pple do forget how hard it can be - I've followed an old woman round a shop before with my screaming 6 month old (who was ill) when she told her to 'Be quiet!'...so I made sure I haunted her till she was finished her shopping.

Annoying. Yet I suppose now with 3 slightly older ones, I forget how hard the newborn stg is. Human I think.

Shop assistant doing her job, yes. The annoying thing is, you would probably have told them had you seen them - and they think you are just a lax parent, which youre not, obv.

I do thing as a nation we have little patience for kids in public situations.

saltire · 15/01/2008 08:33

Well i was told in Wilkinsons on Saturday that I would be asked to elave if my monsters DSes didn't behave!. they can - as I ahve said on here - be really naughty, but they get bored easily and find any excuse to argue.
On the shop assistant thing, I think he/she did the right thing. i currently work in a shop. I was tidying up shelves the other day and a small child of about 2/3 was sitting on the floor by the display of cold and flu things such as Beechams. he was taking all teh paracetamol based tablets out of the boxes. I went over and took them from him, my first thought being to ensure that he hadn't opened and possibly eaten any. He then started screeching, the mother, who was down the other end of the shop came up the shop and asked me why her son was crying. i told her I had taken some Beechams from him, and she said "Well was he doing any harm?" NO I said he wasn't BUT the possibility was there that he could have eaten some. her reply was" well they shouldn't be there within reach"
My first thought was for the safety of the child,and ensuring that he was safe. Sometimes shop assistants need to be vigilant of things like this.

Notyummy · 15/01/2008 08:47

Saltire, that is shocking! People like that REALLY hack me off....it must be everyone elses fault...not MY precious dd/ds. I would have been mortified that I had let my dc wonder off long enough to start unpacking pills, not questioning who left them there. Are shops supposed to put everything potentially dangerous where dc can't reach them e.g anything vaguely sharp/alchoholic, because they don't at the moment, and I wouldn't expect them to.

With reference to the OP, the woman who commented sounded very rude, and I would have been annoyed. Yes, its a parents job to attempt to control dc in shops, but self-righteous comments don't help anyone to do that job.

MummyPenguin · 15/01/2008 08:53

A bit of a storm in a tea cup here. Okay the shelf wasn't the best place to sit but at 5 yo they don't stop to ponder on such matters. Mine would have done the same. And they're older. They're kids, they do these things. Look on the bright side, they could have been behaving much worse, trying to clamber up on to the counter, running around the shop etc. Sounds to me like they were just sat patiently waiting.

I could see myself trying to go back to the shop too once I'd realised it was me the cow was talking about so I'm not surprised MO did that. People like that woman really annoy me, who needs their opinion?

Recently I was in Lidl with my 11 yo DD and she was holding a packet of small juice cartons, which we were buying, I was looking at some other things, and DD was just fiddling with the plastic packaging on the cartons. There was a shop assistant nearby and she said to my DD "you can't open those yet." I was really annoyed. DD didn't even look as though she was about to open them, and was clearly old enough to know that she couldn't until they were paid for. I spun round and said to jobsworth in venomous tone "actually she isn't trying to open them". It really annoyed me as it was so unnessecary. (I know I haven't spelt that right.)

MummyPenguin · 15/01/2008 08:55

Should have pointed out that I didn't care for the Lidl assistant's tone and the way she looked at my DD when she said "you can't open those yet."

lovecat · 15/01/2008 09:02

Ooh, some people here are very prickly!

Niceglasses, I'm mildly gobsmacked that you chose to 'haunt' an old woman til she'd finished her shopping when you had an ill six-month-old in tow - seems as OTT as the OP marching back into the shop after the event to have a word with the woman (who wasn't polite, but we all have our off days and for people to automatically assume she was a bitter elderly spinster seems slightly to me!).

OrmIrian · 15/01/2008 09:30

saltire - medicines are quite a different matter. Of course you should have done what you did and the mother was a numpty.

mustsleep · 15/01/2008 09:42

at least they were sitting down mone woudl have been running around screaming

ignore the old hag