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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be able to go shopping with kids and not be 'told 'off' by complete strangers....

97 replies

MicrowaveOnly · 13/01/2008 19:53

I am GOBSMACKED ...today I was in body shop with my 2 dc paying for my stuff, when I hear the woman behind me in the queue saying " No they are most definitely NOT my children, mine would never behave so badly." Then suddenly one of the shop assistants says to ME could I stop my girls from sitting on an empty shelf.

I didn't click that the woman was talking about me until I was out of the shop (why is my brain always in 2nd gear in these situations?) and by the time I got my dc back to the shop she had gone!

Am still fuming - how unbelievably arrogant! my kids weren't particularly bad, and would you ever say that anyway?

so much for sister/mother solidarity.

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 14/01/2008 12:42

"" No they are most definitely NOT my children, mine would never behave so badly." "

Hmmm.... I suspect that is wishful thinking on her part.

Shelf-sitting isn't a good idea though. But I have noticed quite a few shop assistants that seem to really relish telling parents off, and it really stings even when they are within their rights.

edam · 14/01/2008 12:44

Agree, your children should not have been on the shelf. If my ds, who is four, tried that he would be removed sharpish and told off.

Can't believe you dragged your children back to the shop to try and have a go at the woman in the queue, seems like a huge over-reaction. Do you generally have a problem with criticism/temper?

kslatts · 14/01/2008 12:59

I wouldn't let me children sit on a shelf in a shop, but I wouldn't have made the rude comment like the woman in the queue did.

shatteredmumsrus · 14/01/2008 17:55

I think MicrowaveOnly knows that her children shouldnt sit on a shelf for gods sake but is it really that important to get het up about, i dont think so.CHILL OUT PEEPS!

cornsilk · 14/01/2008 17:57

fgs it's only sitting on a shelf. Mine may not have known not to sit on a shelf at that age as well, as we don't have shelves at home!

shatteredmumsrus · 14/01/2008 18:36

We know we shouldnt smoke or have that piece of cake or go thru a red light but im sure we have all done 1 of these. Im the cake one!

ScruffyTeddy · 14/01/2008 18:52

The woman behind you was incredibly rude.

The shop assistant was just doing her job, health and safety issues plus possible huge rollocking from boss if she didn't say anything.

I worked in a shop aged 16 and my boss would have slaughtered me for not commenting on a child sitting anywhere on a display!

edam · 14/01/2008 18:53

It's not really the sitting on a shelf that is the problem, though, that was sorted out at the time. It's MO dragging her kids all the way back to the shop in the hopes of having a row with the other woman in the queue that amazes me.

shatteredmumsrus · 14/01/2008 18:58

i agree with that bit edam,twas a bit silly

lulumama · 14/01/2008 19:10

am with edam, and a bit with VS.

why on earth would you go back to say something?

some things you need to rise above.

i think that children need to learn what is acceptable to do in shops/ public spaces at some point..

flack · 14/01/2008 19:28

My children would have definitely been on that shelf, too.
I wouldn't blame shop assistant, actually I'd be mortified lest they break the shelf (although I'd pay for it, too).
But lady in queue behind was very rude, entitled to think what she thinks, but she could have merely replied "I think they're with this lady"...

Elasticwoman · 14/01/2008 19:28

You weren't told off - a stranger made a comment about your children and hence your parenting in your hearing - not the same as being told off.

I think 5 years old is too young to have learned all the adult expectations of behaviour in a shop and I can certainly remember mine behaving much worse. My feeling was always to be cross that people can stand around criticising and not offer any help. It is difficult to go shopping with one, let alone 2 young children. They get bored and you can't give them your full attention all the time.

TellusMater · 14/01/2008 19:32

Yep. She wasn't telling you off. She was being rude.

You heading back to the shop looking for a barney is odd, and not the best way to deal with things in front of your children IMO.

KrippledKerryMum · 14/01/2008 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peacelily · 14/01/2008 19:35

[angry for you] Mocrowave only. Very rude woman. YANBU at all but prob best not to go storming back in there!

peacelily · 14/01/2008 19:36

Sorry for you!

Original poster
MicrowaveOnly · 14/01/2008 23:25

I am sad that so many mums here have focussed so pointedly on the shelf sitting (which was not at ceiling height and was at THEIR waist height so no safety issue!!!) and of course the shop assisstant was doing her job but it sounds like you could have been that woman.

Cos for me the upsetting thing was that another mum in the queue is so very quick to dig the knife in and to point out her superior parenting skills and if it happened to you I bet you'd want a word with that woman to point out that she could either help (letting me know politely) or say nowt or even sympathise cos aren't we all in this together? or is this a classic case of competitive parenting.

Find me that yurt...

OP posts:
Misdee · 14/01/2008 23:29

yeah but i would've been the parent yelling 'get off that shelf!' and having the people in the queue tut at me!

VictorianSqualor · 14/01/2008 23:32

Syas the woman who was willing to drag her children back to a shop to argue with the rude woman

If you'd have said that your children were wrongly sitting on a shelf and that the woman behind you was incrdibly rude, I dont think anyone wouldve disagreed.

She was rude, yes, but the shop assistant was doing her job, and no matter WHAT height the shelf was couldve been totally fucked if your DC's had hurt themselves.

Original poster
MicrowaveOnly · 14/01/2008 23:36

I didn't 'drag' my kids back anywhere, I walked back to have a word, maybe she might think twice next time.

VS I can't imagine you're the type of woman who would let someone be rude to you somehow!

OP posts:
Original poster
MicrowaveOnly · 14/01/2008 23:39

lol Misdee, especially if its done in the best fishwife accent!

OP posts:
oranges · 14/01/2008 23:39

i've just made an oath never to take ds shopping ever again, after today's nightmare outing. i don't need clothes that badly.

handlemecarefully · 14/01/2008 23:40

The woman was really quite rude - but don't waste another second of your life brooding about it. Just tell yourself that she is probably a rather sad and bitter character with not much in her life (why otherwise exhibit needless passive aggressive behaviour toward a stranger?) and pity her

mumzyof2 · 14/01/2008 23:41

MO - for you - i feel for you. my ds was 3 at the end of dec, and he would DEFINETELY been on that shelf. you cant watch them 24/7. no, they shoudnt have been on the shelf, but i doubt they were climbing UP the shelves, trying to get to the top, and swinging on them like monkeys!
they were just sat, waiting for you, yes?
I dont think children do things to be naughty most of the time tbh (not that i think they were being), but they just dont think about what theyre doing.
that woman was very rude, id probably have just turned round and said 'Excuse me?' She had no right to make such a comment, whether she thought your children were being badly behaved or not.

Misdee · 14/01/2008 23:41

i try and avoid shopping with my kids in tow. because dd2 has a tendancy to wander and twirl, and i do have to yell loudly at her sometimes to stop her suddenly, saying 'please get off that shelf dd2' wouldnt work. it would have to be my loud booming voice i use.