There's no such thing as a well behaved three year old

[TerribleThreees]

OK so perhaps there is, but I'd love to be told that they're all little horrors and it's a phase they all go through. It might make me feel a bit better about my day!

My DD has been hellish today. There was tantrum after whinge after tantrum, she was being rude to strangers in supermarkets who kindly asked her what the matter was. She was screeching like a banshee around said supermarket when i wouldn't buy her every request, completely defiant and non compliant all day. To top it off she was extremely rude about a gentleman on the bus who she had to sit next to (it was the only seat left) and the poor bloke had to listen to her exclaiming that she doesn't like that man and doesn't want to sit next to him.

I don't know what has gotten into her, she used to be so mild mannered and polite and it's actually quite embarrassing.

Needless to say such behaviour doesn't go unchecked.

Anybody else care to share their stories of their obnoxious pre schoolers or am I unreasonable and just have a little horror 🤔

My first was the most placid, relaxed little girl you could meet. I was terribly smug being able to take her anywhere and would beam with pride at all the comments about how ‘well behaved’ she was. And then she turned 4 and that all went to rat shit. She’s 7 now, and amazing again.

My second is the most defiant, strong willed, bossy, furiously unrepentant 3 year you could meet. But she’s also incredibly funny, affectionate and clever. She’s a brilliant little sister and her big sister adores her, but she tests me daily (hourly?).

One of my sons has been the easiest child imaginable at all ages. My other son is very ‘highly strung’ shall we say and was a demon of a three year old 🙈

Expecting my ‘easy’ child to be the worst teenager imagineable!

Reading all these accounts, it not surprising there is a shortage of teachers snd YR teachers say fewer and fewer children are ready for school. Finding bad behaviour funny isn’t a great response. Teachers won’t. It’s really important to keep going snd encourage good behaviour and ensure there are consequences if bad behaviour continues. I think parents owe it to DC to make every effort and be consistent.

2 and 3 are tough periods!

I went grocery shopping with my five year old today and actually enjoyed the time with him. He was so helpful, kind and thoughtful. Admittedly he was very very focused on the last item in the list. Sprinkles for the cakes he had baked!

It is possible to find it funny while still doing something about it.

You have my sympathy OP. DS was a threenager, and a fournager, and a fivenager. At 6 he still frequently has his moments. (His teachers are amazing and have my full and active support).

Defiant was definitely the word to describe him. Little horror was a pretty accurate fit too. He ticks a lot of the boxes for oppositional defiant disorder.

My three year old grandson has taken to using bad language at home. We are careful with what we say but he has picked certain words up and uses them when he has been naughty and is being told off.
Today he said to me that he likes to use 'adult words'
Such as?
'Alcohol'
He said and says other words but this one creased me up.

My daughter has asked at nursery if he says anything inapporopriate and they have said no, so we have realised he uses the bad words just because he can and knows he should not.

His behaviour on the whole is a mixture of good and bloody awful but if he were perfect I would be worried

Mine turned from utter delights to horrors at 2. I thought when they turned 3 it might get better (all the other 3 year olds seemed to be lovely), but mine got worse and became monsters. Tantrums, fighting, didn’t listen to a single word I said, they were just feral little beasts and I made peace with the fact I’d never have another child 😂

It was like a switch flicked when they turned 4, and they’re back to being rather lovely children who are slightly more domesticated.

@Bunty55
So he’s seen tv or unsuitable material. Mine didn’t know bad words at 3. So someone has not been careful.,

He could have picked up the bad words from anywhere, but he chooses to use them when he is being told off. He knows they are bad words too. it is scary.

He says 'fat' when I tell him off because he says it is an adult word. He only watches children's TV but he spends time with adults and children and is exposed to playgrounds and other such awful places.

You sound great OP!

A stock of quick responses and distraction techniques is what you need in these testing times…

’I hate that man, you, the bus driver, any random person’
’’Oh dear , that’s not a kind thing to say.
So, what would you like to do when we get home? shall we XYZ?’

Screaming like a banshee in the supermarket
‘I need you to help me choose XYZ. Where do you think ABC is?’
‘If you’re nice and quiet, you can choose <insert anything> when I’ve found <agin insert anything>’

Yes, they can be absolute horrors, it’s doubtful you are doing anything whatsoever to cause this!
My SIL is an expert - she has a way of acknowledging her child’s anger frustration, unreasonableness yet at the same time basically ignoring it by quickly changing the subject and chattering about something completely unrelated. 🤣

DD was the perfect child until she hit 3. Then we had a year of absolute hell, tantrums 5,6,7 times a day. It was soul destroying. Then on her fourth birthday, the switch flicked again. She turned back into my little angel!

Now at 7 we have a lot of emotional outbursts (is there some sort of developmental leap at 7?!) but she’s otherwise lovely.

See it through OP. It will pass!

My dd was an absolute Angel at 3, honestly just delightful. My son however, was the devil incarnate - I feel your pain op

Yes ages 3 and then 6. Nightmares

@Bunty55
How does a 3 year old pick up unsuitable words from “anywhere”? Most 3 year olds are with their parents who control their environment. Nursery children might be the source but it’s hardly language picked up by going with his mum to the supermarket. However it’s happened now but dealing with it will be difficult unless he can learn what is appropriate and what is not.

It's part nature and part nurture really :)

DS was amazing at 3... 4 however was a different kettle of fish, he was a demon child for 6 months 😂

'Finding bad behaviour funny isn’t a great response. Teachers won’t. It’s really important to keep going snd encourage good behaviour and ensure there are consequences if bad behaviour continues'

That's such an old fashioned view. My child is on the pathway to an autism diagnosis. No amount of consequences will make her behaviour normal. I think with children of this age 'bad behaviour' is often a way of communicating distress. Some children will grow out of this distressing developmental period, some will turn out to be neurodiverse and will struggle for the rest of their lives.
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Finding bad behaviour funny isn’t a great response. Teachers won’t. It’s really important to keep going snd encourage good behaviour and ensure there are consequences if bad behaviour continues'

Agree as a preschool teacher I see the children who aren't told no, who think it's funny and that rules don't apply to them, that get a shock when they realise that not everyone thinks they're funny or cute. I took on a preschool unit full of children who didn't understand or care that when they were asked to do things it applied to them/everyone. Once rules were established their behaviour changed and they became proud if their good behaviour and the gratitude given to them for being a part of our "team"

A child who isn't told no at home is in for a big shock at school/nursery.