There's no such thing as a well behaved three year old

[TerribleThreees]

OK so perhaps there is, but I'd love to be told that they're all little horrors and it's a phase they all go through. It might make me feel a bit better about my day!

My DD has been hellish today. There was tantrum after whinge after tantrum, she was being rude to strangers in supermarkets who kindly asked her what the matter was. She was screeching like a banshee around said supermarket when i wouldn't buy her every request, completely defiant and non compliant all day. To top it off she was extremely rude about a gentleman on the bus who she had to sit next to (it was the only seat left) and the poor bloke had to listen to her exclaiming that she doesn't like that man and doesn't want to sit next to him.

I don't know what has gotten into her, she used to be so mild mannered and polite and it's actually quite embarrassing.

Needless to say such behaviour doesn't go unchecked.

Anybody else care to share their stories of their obnoxious pre schoolers or am I unreasonable and just have a little horror 🤔

3.5-4 is a horrendous age!

Hope not! DD can recognise a few letters but that's it. None of her 3yo pals can read either! But this is MN so someone's 3yo will be halfway through Jane Austen's collection.

Don’t think so. Mine has just turned 3 and can read and spell his name but nothing else.

DD aged nearly 4 has just been at a jubilee party charming the street. They can’t work out why I would cheerfully give her away 90% of the time. Solidarity!

See just refer to her as "amazingly fiercely independent" to everyone whilst silently seething with frustration.

One of mine was a finisher/completer/perfectionist. Nothing was accomplished in a timely fashion ever!

Oh and she doesn’t even recognise her name. And she’s starting school in September. God help the reception teachers.

I work in a nursery and have 2 kids and can say that many are like this....

Just to add, with reading. I'm with the 3-4 year olds and we don't like it when they come in writing their name etc. or a bit of reading, because they usually do not have the pre-reading skills and often have learnt it just by rote and don't understand what it is they are doing. Obviously this does not include those who are gifted, or some others, but in general this is what we find.

3 boys. Number 1 hectic from being able to move, no 2 absolute angel until 3 - so quiet, always did as asked, walked nicely, so much so we went for a third. But then hit 3 omg the screaming, the dropping to the floor, the supermarket standoff, the shouting really inappropriate things.

Our nearly 3 year old specializes in a bleak mordant tone, full of emphasis. 'I don't like... mummy/breakfast/that man/rabbit enny more

Very funny, but also creepy af. Like when he is in charge we are all in trouble.

Sounds very like my 3year old DD 😬 feel your pain OP! I've found the 3's much harder than the "terrible twos" and don't get me started on the teenager attitude 🙈 bed times are also hell most nights, this too shall pass (I hope)!

I wouldn't dare take either of my 3YO to the supermarket on a busy bank holiday. Even now, it's only when there really is no other option that I will take my kids to the supermarket.

My youngest's best friend, her response to pretty much everything was "no", or "don't like it" until she was into her primary years. I actually found it endearing although it drove her Mum crazy 😆

They are adorable by the age of 25, does that help?

That made me laugh because that is my DD!

I remember asking the HV at the 13 - 15 month check whether it was normal for my wee one to already be tantruming. She said 'well, it is a bit early but it'll maybe stop a bit early!'. Wee one is now almost 2 and a half and her current thing is to drop to the floor like a stone, kick her legs while lying down so that she spins around around in a circle, while shrieking like the hounds of hell are after her.

Her first tantrum this morning was because I peeled the banana she asked for.

I think 3 is such a hard time for children, so many big feelings, yet they don't have enough language to communicate their distress.

That is what I tell myself when I am internally calling her an asshole. Today has been such a hard day here too - we drove to the countryside to give her a walk in nature but ended up just going home without even getting out of the car as she had such an epic meltdown in the car park when we arrived. While she was napping in the car I cried to my husband as I am finding motherhood so hard and unrelenting at present.

On balance my 3 yo was fairly good, but there were bad days/moments. Usually around growth spurts or other developmental steps.

I think the ones that have language early are better because they can use words instead of tantrums more of the time.

There is lots of advice about handling tantrums. If I remember correctly, ignore them when they are in the heat of it, then get down to their level (e.g. lie down next to them) and explain why you think they are angry and what the options are. "I know you want a biscuit now, and that you are angry because I said you can't have one. Mummy is just doing the washing so we can all have clean clothes. We dont want to be all smelly, do we. When Mummy has finished, you can have a biscuit then".

Or if you are lucky, you can catch a tantrum with doing something really unexpected, like putting a pair if pants on your head and singing a silly song.

Or just put your hard hat on and work through the tantrum. Is exhausting!

DM has a “fiercely independent” child next door. It’s been very hard for her parents to do everything she wants from 0-4. But they did. The child ruled the house. Now at school! It’s all been very difficult. Getting your own way all the time at school is not going to happen. I found ‘be quiet’ and ‘no’ useful words. Not all three year olds are having tantrums and being demanding. You really have to say ‘no’ snd mean it. Plus make it clear what the consequences are. There must be some or life gets even harder.

Mine were pretty easy. I'm under no illusions that was anything but luck though! Threenagers are the norm, I think.

My DD started the terrible twos at 1.5 and has been hard work since. She's 4 now and super smart but stubborn, argumentative, overly emotional and has an answer for everything.

I was reading some Facebook comments where a parent was arguing with a non-parent. Parent said "ha no one's toddlers are well behaved!". Non-parent argued that all children are well behaved if they are raised properly and parent obviously just couldn't be bothered to raise her children correctly. I did have to laugh. I've parented my DD until I'm blue in the face but some DC are just plain hard work!

It really is isn't it? Such a thankless and unrelenting task. We're almost expected to forget we're human too whilst we commit to (what feels like a lifetime of) servitude to little people who can be quite unpleasant to us some of the time.

Know that you're not alone though and continue to lean on your DH, as PP said "this too shall pass" ❤

There are some that already trickier than others, and that's to do with personality and also knowing what works best for that child in terms of engaging/discipline/rewards.

I am a preschool teacher and there are some children who are a delight at nursery but I know are tricky at home for parents, there are some that are not used to being told no and struggle when others try to be consistent with their behaviours and some that are just lovely however may have been a tricky baby.

There are well behaved 3 year olds in pockets of the day when they know the expectations and can keep it together there are others who just find it ever so hard to sit still or listen or follow instructions.

As long as your consistent and show there are repercussions to their behaviour that's all you can do.

DS was a monster at 3. One memorable occasion in a supermarket I refused to let him have some of the baguette that was in the trolley.
His voice was projected across the entire store.
"I want it NOW. I'm counting to three mummy. ONE, TWO, THREE"

He was delightful from 5 up and is now a lovely young man.

To be fair though, even though I previously mentioned the reading, toilet training etc she's actually very indapendant in other ways. She's an amazing eater and loves sushi /green beans /fruit and eats like a bloody machine since the day she discovered that food was a thing.
Like others though, i also get the "I'm not your best friend 'enny moar"whenever I've had to tell her not to do something like climb on worktops or pull everything out her wardrobe.

It's about 50/50 I guess, because for the past 3 or 4 hours she has been an absolute angel, full of cuddles and "i love you mummy".