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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you stroked and talked to your bump whilst pregnant?

77 replies

Airyfairy03 · 03/06/2022 10:27

As title really.

Had a midwife appointment the other day and she asked me if I was stroking and talking to my bump each day. I was like errr, no?

I should probably say, I am not maternal in the slightest, never have been. I’m really happy to be pregnant and feel a certain feeling of affection for the baby when it kicks etc but the thought of stroking my bump and talking to it, telling it about my day etc just feels ridiculous?

Please tell me I’m not the only one. She said I need to do it so the baby will recognise my voice when it’s born but surely my voice is the one the baby hears most frequently anyway?

She also told me to play nursery rhymes to the bump on my phone as it aids brain development...again is this true? Did everyone do this?

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 03/06/2022 10:28

Yes I used to do this! There are a lot of studies about music and pregnancy now that are worth looking as well.

rainbowandglitter · 03/06/2022 10:29

No definitely not!

AmbushedByCake · 03/06/2022 10:29

I listened to music and spoke to other people (because I don't live in Silent Land) but didn't do it at my bump. That felt weird. My children don't appear to have suffered from it.

Skinnermarink · 03/06/2022 10:30

No I did not! I gave him a pat and responded to a big kick every now and then, but was pretty confident he was well exposed to my voice without catawauling nursery rhymes at the poor bugger. He got to listen to music sure, my music.

and no, it had no effect on our bond.

EerieSilence · 03/06/2022 10:31

OMG, no! And my DD still recognises my voice (except for "empty the dishwasher" and "no more telly").

Oizys · 03/06/2022 10:31

Not stroked really. might have done it a few times absentmindedly but didn’t purposely think I need to stroke my bump

talk yes 🤣 I talk to myself quite a lot so often I’d find myself addressing baby / the bump. DH would sometimes talk to them too. Again wouldnt schedule bump chat time but naturally found myself doing it

AmbushedByCake · 03/06/2022 10:31

How would stroking your bump do anything? The baby is so far inside behind skin, fat, muscle, uterus, sac and fluid you need to do some fairly serious damage to yourself before the foetus is affected in the slightest. They definitely wouldn't notice you stroking your skin.

anonacfr · 03/06/2022 10:32

Nope.
I did listen to a lot of music though. But not on the bump.
I stroked the bump occasionally when baby was kicking.
Otherwise I just got on with life as normal.
I am always wary of anything that can be used as a guilt trip ie 'you didn't talk/stroke your bump, that's why your child is.... (insert whatever 'flaw' you can think of).
When I was pregnant I was mostly sick and/or knackered and didn't have the energy to play happy bumps. Not all women have easy pregnancies.

ohidoliketobe · 03/06/2022 10:32

No I didn't. The baby can hear plenty of goings on amd doesn't have any idea if you're talking directly to him/ her or not. I think it's perhaps based more around your bonding with the baby. If you're feeling affection woth the wiggles and kicks and the thought of them arriving I think you're fine! Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

Lemongrass9 · 03/06/2022 10:32

YANBU it’s up to you how you want to interact and bond with your baby. I did talk to my bump a lot but in fairness I was working from home in a rather isolated role so had nobody else to talk to until DH got home from work and we were still under lockdown restrictions for a lot of my pregnancy. I never played nursery rhymes but did listen to songs I enjoyed. I rested my hands on my bump, particularly as it got bigger but not really much stroking I don’t think. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

ChaiTea20 · 03/06/2022 10:32

I stroked my bump a lot but didn't talk to the baby specifically, we've bonded just fine 🤷🏼‍♀️

Imsittinginthekitchensink · 03/06/2022 10:33

I did but DD was born Deaf, so has no impact on bonding at all.

Vsirbdo · 03/06/2022 10:33

Nursery rhymes no and I think any taking I did to my baby was mostly internal. I talk quite a lot both at work and at home so she heard my voice lots anyway! I used to touch my tummy to feel the kicks on the outside but I’m not sure about stroking; with my second baby my skin was so itchy that apart from when I was rubbing in cream I didn’t like my tummy being touched

iknowthismuchis · 03/06/2022 10:33

Nope not at all and we bonded perfectly fine.

GodspeedJune · 03/06/2022 10:35

You may find this research interesting:

Link

Your baby knows when it’s you rubbing your bump, compared to anyone else.

PinkiOcelot · 03/06/2022 10:37

No I didn’t, but surely the baby hears your voice when you’re talking to people anyway. I didn’t play music to my bump specifically but listened to it during my pregnancy anyway. My dds brains are perfectly well developed as far as I know!

MrsBungle · 03/06/2022 10:44

No I didn’t have any interest in stroking my stomach. Perfect bond with my children.

Cakecakecheese · 03/06/2022 10:48

I do because I want to. If you don't want to then don't do it. I really doubt it makes a difference.

Hugasauras · 03/06/2022 10:49

No. I occasionally say 'what the fuck are you doing in there?' as she boots me in the bladder if that counts?

biggreenhouse · 03/06/2022 10:52

yes, just felt a very natural thing to do since they are right there and able to hear me. they also respond to being touched over the belly so they must be able to feel it.

Wafflehouse · 03/06/2022 10:55

Not specifically but I’ve always talked to myself around the house anyway. As for nursery rhymes before you have a baby, no, there’s plenty of listening to that stuff once they’re here. Both my dcs just had to put up with whatever we were listening to in the house, usually whatever Ken Bruce was playing at the time. No negative effects on bonding here.

Hugasauras · 03/06/2022 10:56

And you definitely don't need to do it, what rot. If you want to that's fine and I can understand for some women it's a bonding thing, but god knows women are told what to do enough during pregnancy and parenting without having to sing nursery rhymes to a foetus.

SpaceJamtart · 03/06/2022 10:56

I didnt talk to the bump, apart from if if I knocked into something like a doorframe or the banisters then I would say 'sorry' but that was it.

The baby hears and recognises your voice because it hears you talking in general, how the hell would it know if you were talking specifically to it?

Cocowatermelon · 03/06/2022 10:56

Yes I did this. I was working from home at the time and the baby would not have heard my voice that much if I didn’t talk to it in utero.
Talking to your baby once they are born is really good for their language development even when they are far too young to understand what you’re saying. They can hear in utero from around halfway through pregnancy so talking to them before they’re even born is kind of an extension of that. If you feel weird about it then you can try reading them a children’s story.
If you don’t do this your baby will still learn to talk, so don’t worry about it too much but yeah, it’s definitely a thing.

SpaceJamtart · 03/06/2022 10:57

I also didn't stroke it, to stroke it but would hold it if I had to run or rub cream into my skin or something

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