To ask if you stroked and talked to your bump whilst pregnant?

[Airyfairy03]

As title really.

Had a midwife appointment the other day and she asked me if I was stroking and talking to my bump each day. I was like errr, no?

I should probably say, I am not maternal in the slightest, never have been. I’m really happy to be pregnant and feel a certain feeling of affection for the baby when it kicks etc but the thought of stroking my bump and talking to it, telling it about my day etc just feels ridiculous?

Please tell me I’m not the only one. She said I need to do it so the baby will recognise my voice when it’s born but surely my voice is the one the baby hears most frequently anyway?

She also told me to play nursery rhymes to the bump on my phone as it aids brain development...again is this true? Did everyone do this?

Do you have any directions to this Silent Land? A map perhaps?

No, because I'd have felt like a twat and I couldn't see how the baby could tell the difference between me talking to DH and me talking to the baby from in there. I listened to plenty of music, but fuck there are enough years of Wind the bloody Bobbin after they're out without inflicting that shit on yourself before they're even born.

Humans are resilient and thrive in all kinds of circumstances. "Good enough" parenting is fine.

This feels like one more bloody thing other people think you should/shouldn’t be doing in pregnancy so that you feel bad!
OP I’m 32 weeks and am not talking to the bump or playing it music.
DH and I sometimes sit and talk about him, and DH occasionally strokes the bump or puts a hand on it.
I sometimes kind of absent mindedly stroke or cradle the bump if I’m relaxing. I’ve got an anterior placenta so things are probably a bit muffled so I sometimes put a hand on it to feel the kicks if the baby is moving a lot.
But talking directly to it or playing it music really isn’t me.
Don’t feel bad. Just do what works for you.

I did, but normally only in bed at night or when dd2 decided to see if she could poke her little arm right the way through to the outside. In which case it was more of a firm push and a "ouch, stop that" than gentle bonding.*

*And she used to withdraw it for a moment then repoke it somewhere else. It stuick out about an inch and was very painful.
She's 18yo now and still finds that funny.

I stroked my tummy but I didn’t talk to it. My midwife would ask ridiculous things like that. The baby heard my voice as I vomited ten times a day for 7 months. I was a bit too poorly to worry about making sure she already knew songs. I don’t think I hid my disdain very well.

She’s full of shit, twee, pointless shite. It won’t feel you stroking and it hears your voice anyway.

I also wasn’t maternal and just used my bump to rest a bowl of snacks on.

No! It always feels a bit “look at me I am pregnant” when ladies do it in public

No, and all 3 of mine have firmly attached themselves to my side and not allowed me a moments peace since birth so I don’t think it affected their bond. I’m pretty sure it’s just a question they ask to make sure you’re bonding, looking out for potential signs of antenatal depression/warning of PND. I suppose with the DC 2 and 3 they will have heard me signing nursery rhymes and reading to the older DC and that hasn’t made any difference development wise.

Although DD1 was obsessed with ‘5 little ducks’ when I was pregnant with DD2, DD2 absolutely hates it and doesn’t like it being sang so maybe she got sick of hearing it.

She sounds slightly nuts, of course your baby will be hearing your voice all the time and will not understand the difference between you telling someone else about your day and telling them. I've got 3 dc and didn't directly talk to either untill they were here in the flesh, only stroked my bump when it was tight and uncomfortable, to try and alleviate the discomfort for myself. My dc are very close to me now so they clearly didn't miss out on anything in utero!

My two cats used to sleep on my bump continuously, purring throughout. Wonder what that did to my poor kids? They do love cats though.

I didn't, although i think I did plenty of poking at the bump in the evenings. DC1 wasn't subjected to my singing. Poor DC2 heard plenty of it as I sang to her big sister who was a sleep refusing toddler when I read pregnant. I've never felt any difference in bond with either of them.

Interestingly, both were born by c section. As I was brought into recovery after, DH was waiting for me with the new baby (who I'd already seen in theatre but not held as I didn't feel safe). Both times the baby was crying and both times they stopped as soon as I spoke to them. You don't need to read them a story for them to know your voice.

Putting a phone next to your developing baby regularly is dangerous surely?!

Why would it be more dangerous than just using your phone as normal near a stomach?

I used to do this a lot, it wasn't really a conscious thing, I just did it. We didn't play nursery rhymes, but heavy metal, DS used to go loopy, still loved it after he was born.

Further upthread I said I listened to Abba Gold and ate Dime bars as a nod to Swedish culture ...... Maybe a coincidence but my kids love chocolate now

I would also say "what the actual fuck are you doing?" as DS merrily kicked my rib cage over and over again. When I was further along I used to poke him sometimes and he would poke back.

I didn't stroke, but I did religiously slather myself in almond oil every night so I wouldn't get stretchmarks.

@Dehzfuxtjcjrzrus oh right so should pregnant women never use their phones then?

I used to push back when he stuck his feet in my ribs. Does that count?

Yes I did, I touched my bump a lot, chatted about my day, how excited I was to meet them and spoke about how much I loved them. I also played Nursery Rhymes and classical music, some pop songs too

I felt a tiny little lump poking out my stomach once where my babies head was and pushed at it and the entire head turned! I think I poked her nose I did stroke the bump because I liked the feeling but I didn't talk to her. The midwife said she had to get to know my voice I was like sure I spend all day either taking in work or talking to my DS and DH at home, she'll not know the difference between me reading her the gingerbread man or slagging off the neighbours to to DH.

OF COURSE! I talked to both DC from the 12 week point. Started talking to this baby from the positive test! It's my way of bonding with baby before they make their entrance to the world.

Tbf I don't think she's nuts, they have a box to tick on the green notes that says they've talked to mum about bonding with baby

It’s psychological.
For me, I did whisper and frequently rubbed my bump, frequently.
In private mostly. In the car a lot.

After multiple miscarriages it tended to be me begging my baby to keep hanging on, not long now, keep growing, can’t wait to see you, just stay with me.

It did feck all but to me, it comforted me that I was “doing something “, anything that let my baby know that I loved them and was there.

Daft possibly, but it made me feel better during dark and desperate times.

I do stroke the bump but usually because it’s itchy. It’s also good for balancing snacks on these days.
The talking I do to the bump is usually along the lines of “can you get off my bladder?”, “that hurts, stop it” And “what did I ever do to you? Are you wearing steel toe caps?!”
No lovey dovey stuff but I loathe being pregnant.
I’m much nicer to them when they’re not sharing my body!

I don't really talk to it but I can't keep my hands off it, don't know why. I just love to touch and stroke it