To ask if you stroked and talked to your bump whilst pregnant?

[Airyfairy03]

As title really.

Had a midwife appointment the other day and she asked me if I was stroking and talking to my bump each day. I was like errr, no?

I should probably say, I am not maternal in the slightest, never have been. I’m really happy to be pregnant and feel a certain feeling of affection for the baby when it kicks etc but the thought of stroking my bump and talking to it, telling it about my day etc just feels ridiculous?

Please tell me I’m not the only one. She said I need to do it so the baby will recognise my voice when it’s born but surely my voice is the one the baby hears most frequently anyway?

She also told me to play nursery rhymes to the bump on my phone as it aids brain development...again is this true? Did everyone do this?

Ds1 I didn't but dh liked to have a little chat with him occasionally. Ds2 - who has time for that nonsense? Do what you like. I thought playing mozart to unborn babies was the thing to do anyway.
Both kids bonded fine with us.
So now you know midwives and health visitors are full of advise but take it all with a pinch of salt.

🤮 no. God the thought of it makes me cringe 😄 the ‘bonding with bump ok?’ questions from the midwife made me 😏 too OP. Just smile and nod. I did sometimes talk to the bump out of a sense of duty but felt like an oddball. Had 3 kids and no issues bonding with them. You do have to get to know them, you can’t just place all this smooshiness bonded ooey gooey stuff onto a bump that doesn’t do anything and you don’t know yet, ha! This kind of stuff makes women who don’t feel that ‘rush of love’ feel like awful mothers.

I did. When my son was born, he had to go to the NICU and I couldn't see him for a few hours. When I did get to see him he was ina machine so I couldn't hold him. I said hi to him and he turned towards me. The doctor said it was likely because he'd recognized my voice. He may have recognized it regardless, but if they can hear on there, why not talk to them?

That study is interesting about the bump rubbing. I work in a field that advocates this stuff a lot but I felt like a tit talking to baby intentionally and didn’t do it. I touched and stroked my bump a lot naturally, I think a protective kind of instinct for me, and especially in later stages when you could identify which body parts were where, rubbing her wee bum when she was breech.

im not sure the benefit of talking to baby is about baby hearing this and making something of it, as like others say, baby is hearing your voice all the time. It’s more an issue around your mindset and feelings of connection to that wee person. I did a pregnancy yoga class where during the relaxation you were to visualise your baby in there, send it your love and reassurance and let them know all is well, they are safe etc. I felt it was a nice exercise in calming myself too, which we know is beneficial for babies. So I wouldn’t worry about talking or music as such but would say it’s worth making space where you think about you and your baby and give time to nurture you both. How far along are you? I think this kind of thing happens more naturally towards the end as well. And if it doesn’t, don’t worry, your baby will be grand. There’s so much pressure on women to do everything right. You are growing them a body which is a pretty generous start!

I talked to my bump a lot esp from around 24 weeks as we had a few complications pop up that went on until birth at 35 weeks by induction,as I wanted him to know he was loved & he would be just fine,he heard me cry & wish that everything would be ok & thankfully it was. I don't know if it changed anything but we have an amazing bond & it made me feel better in the midst of it all

She also told me to play nursery rhymes to the bump on my phone as it aids brain development...again is this true? Did everyone do this?

Well some people have higher aspirations for their baby and choose Mozart.

My great Grandmother wanted a musical child and (in the days before music at a click) went to lots of concerts while she was pregnant. My Grandmother was a professional violinist (until she got married and had to give up her concert career ).

Anyway I went to a brilliant performance of the Yamato Japanese drummers when I was pregnant. You could really feel pressure waves of the sound hitting you. I've no idea if baby loved it or hated it but she kicked like crazy all the way through. She's not a drummer.

Relax OP, your midwife is talking twaddle. Some midwives believe there is something in cabbage leaves that literally passes into an engorged breast to help. Now a cabbage leaf is a good fit for an engorged breast, if it is fresh out of the fridge it will have a soothing cooling effect, especially the curly savoy ones with lots of cool air between the crinkles, if you are suffering from engorged breasts go for it, but I absolutely guarantee there is no magic ingredient that leaches into the breast to in anyway do anything. Ask your midwife about cabbage leaves. I bet she's a believer.

But of course they recognise your voice unless you take a vow of silence for nine months? Don't most people talk, you know, every day? This one will probably recognise my DD's voice more than mine with the amount she talks mind you

I just think this is another of these ridiculous things that makes bog all difference but is another mental load for women to tick off on top of all the other stuff that goes with pregnancy. If you want to do it and enjoy it and that's how you bond, great. But OP is being told she 'needs' to do something that she's not interested in doing. Your baby will recognise your voice because he or she will have heard it for months 🤷‍♀️

Was it a subconscious thing to hold it when you ran or did you purposely choose to?
I was a runner throughout my pregnancy, there was no way I was going to hold the bump the whole way round a 6 mile run. It's perfectly safe without being held.

Don't label yourself as not maternal, often that is a concept in someones head.
I did none of that. I'm not really sure what maternal is, I'd say that being in tune with your own child's needs is maternal, your child right now needs you to have a good diet and avoid stress. What your midwife is saying sounds more performative.

My Mum always described herself as maternal, she meant she likes holding babies and almost fetishises about pregnancy, she finds children irritating though, even her own!
You may be very maternal, you may know exactly when to comfort, when to discipline, when to let stuff go.

I used to Pat my bump in a rhythm -‘ shave and a haircut, two bits’

when they were newborn, both babies would calm down quickly if I patted them in the same rhythm, but it soon wore off

Ew no. That’s just weird to me.

I did yes but, er, not sure if I should admit this, I mostly played 'piss off the bump'. I used to tap and poke in different places and get a little kick back. I tell myself we were interacting and playing a game rather then saying I used to tease my unborn child. 😁

I didn’t. It’s just not me. I didn’t love my bump, I loved my baby after they were born. I also had an anterior placenta so movement and kicks were dulled which probably also made me feel a step removed. You don’t have to be talking to your bump for the sound of your voice to be heard, just normal conversation with whoever you are with would have the same effect.

I read to mine 😳 I used to sit in his room (which he never slept a single night in until he was 3, but never mind!) and read Moomin and Winnie the Pooh stories aloud. No idea whether it had any impact whatsoever on bonding, though.

Not at all! Each to their own but I find the thought quite weird.

I also did not refer to them as 'a human' in the womb ie. I've had friends/colleagues that say 'Oh little (baby's name) is kicking me now' and I didn't, but that's maybe because I didn't find out the gender beforehand.

I played music and did hypnobirthing/yoga but actually talking to it, no.

Currently pregnant. I rub my bump a lot, especially since my midwife told me that the baby can sense the ripples from the stroking. I don’t talk to my bump much though, but DH and I WFH so we chat constantly, so, the baby will be very used to our voices when he comes along in 4 months.

I listen to a lot of classical which I have always done, but also loads of dance music, so he will be well used to my eclectic tastes when he is born! I draw the line at nursery rhymes though, why would anyone put themselves through

This is funny!

I always stroked it.

I certainly didn’t talk to it or play it nursery rhymes though 😂

DH is Swedish and we were living in London at the time so as nod to Swedish culture I listened to Abba Gold and ate lots of Dime bars. My efforts went unappreciated, DH looked a bit 'What have I done' when I told him.

I stroked mine absent mindedly really, there was no intent behind it. I talk to myself anyway so aiming it at the bump wasn't a huge leap . DH would talk to it, mostly when I was asleep. We lost our first late into pregnancy so we were both anxious about it. It made him feel better to check in while I was asleep.

@Kitkatcatflap
I listened to ABBA Gold too!!! DD learnt the songs at 2! Head start in the womb maybe? She turned out to be quite musical. Worst thing was going to the F1 Grand Prix in July. She was born around 4 weeks later and she kicked all the time at Silverstone. Stroking? No. I know it’s the fashion now but no one did this years ago and we bonded. Now it’s done publicly and it’s signalling you “care” more.

I did, and so did DH. He'd talk right at my stomach, and say things like 'hello in there, this is your daddy speaking' !!

I used to narrate along to the radio while driving, and explain to the baby why I would turn off crap songs and jump stations to find something "we" could both enjoy. Curation...

There's one particular, very obscure song that I played incessantly during the middle bit of my pregnancy (though not at all during the last couple of months of pregnancy for various reasons), and when my daughter was about a month old, I put it on at home and she so obviously recognised it, it was amazing. My parents were with us and could see her reacting differently to any other song that she had heard until that point.

I didn’t do anything like this either and it actually annoyed me when people asked me if I was “bonding with my bump”. Ugh “bump” 😬 so glad I’m not pregnant anymore…anyway - I didn’t feel like I “loved” my baby before she was born because I hadn’t met her yet, and I’ve never been particularly maternal so it didn’t surprise me that I was like this. I felt protective and I worried about her well-being but it wasn’t “love” and I didn’t sit there stroking my tummy and talking because I’d have felt daft. She’s out now and I definitely do love her!

No. Told baby girl I hated her after a day of excruciating pelvic joint pain and exH just left me to look after DS, do all housework and wash up at 9 pm while he sat and watched tv. I was 39 weeks and exhausted. I felt guilty for years until I realised it wasn't the pregnancy that was the issue, it was exH. DD was adorable from the first second into this world and has been ever since. She is my best friend.