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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed SS has been invited

78 replies

curant · 02/06/2022 19:06

This is more AIBU on dd's behalf

Dd has been invited somewhere by a friend of ours who has a dd same age (10) dh asked ss, a teen (14) if he wanted to come which he said yes to.

This wasn't our day to have him it was a random invite due to it being half term.

Dd is now really upset as she said ss will ruin it by teasing them and generally annoying them the whole time, it's not the sort of activity where they can all go off, they will be together for the duration. Ss does have a tendency to do this, obviously he is a boy, a teen etc etc its what they do. But dd is annoyed that he is essentially crashing her playdate. Also i have to say she has only voiced this to me privately, she wouldn't say it to him as wouldn't want to hurt his feelings. In case anyone thinks she is spoiled, she isn't at all.

I personally have said its ok i will just tell him beforehand that he isn't allowed to mess around with you both. But of course i do understand where she is coming from, if ss and his friend arranged a playdate and i just told them dd was coming without asking they wouldnt like it.

If anything the part i am more concerned about is dh not asking our friend if it's ok if he comes as he will be looking after them. But its dh's friend and he says its fine.

Thoughts?

OP posts:

BungleandGeorge · 02/06/2022 21:34

Mellowyellow222 · 02/06/2022 21:32

Step son

It’s the son of the dad??

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 02/06/2022 21:35

Hardbackwriter · 02/06/2022 19:50

Hmm, that's quite different though, then - because you said that this is DH's friend. If you invite a friend with two children to an activity it isn't that weird or unexpected for both of them to come, even if only one of them 'matches' your children in age.

Show quote history

It does sound like a different scenario now. From OP I'd say DH was very unreasonable, but based on this he's not at all.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 02/06/2022 21:42

Massive drip feed that your DP is going along as well! It’s not really a play date if it’s something the adults are enjoying too, I’d say it’s more of a day out. I don’t think it’s that strange for a 14yo to want to go on a day out with his dad and sibling regardless of whether she also has a friend going.

Original poster

curant · 02/06/2022 21:51

I think i confused things, dh wasnt originally going, it was only me, the friend & 2 girls, dh is now coming as ss is coming.

This was planned a while ago & ss was just brought into this unexpectedly

OP posts:

AskingforaBaskin · 02/06/2022 21:53

curant · 02/06/2022 21:51

I think i confused things, dh wasnt originally going, it was only me, the friend & 2 girls, dh is now coming as ss is coming.

This was planned a while ago & ss was just brought into this unexpectedly

So uninvite them

ZekeZeke · 02/06/2022 21:56

curant · 02/06/2022 21:51

I think i confused things, dh wasnt originally going, it was only me, the friend & 2 girls, dh is now coming as ss is coming.

This was planned a while ago & ss was just brought into this unexpectedly

What is the activity?

Threetulips · 02/06/2022 22:01

So your husband has invited himself and then invited his older child.

I’d just say nope - DH can do something with teen and you can do something with the girls.

Mellowyellow222 · 02/06/2022 22:01

Can your husband do the activity with his son and let the two girls
play?

I still don’t see why this is such a big deal?

if your step son can’t behave on an afternoon out with two much younger children then I suspect you have bigger problems than this one day. I hope your husband disciplines him. I assume your daughter isn’t his? Bit does he stand up for your daughter when his son picks on a much younger, smaller child?

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/06/2022 22:03

If DD no longer wants to go I’d reschedule so she can have proper time with her friend. I doubt you having a word with SS will do much.

You haven’t made this easy to understand. Each update paints a completely different scenario. But the focus of this event should be DD catching up with her friend and DP is being selfish, annoying and overbearing by intruding.

What are you going to do?

girlmom21 · 02/06/2022 22:04

curant · 02/06/2022 21:51

I think i confused things, dh wasnt originally going, it was only me, the friend & 2 girls, dh is now coming as ss is coming.

This was planned a while ago & ss was just brought into this unexpectedly

Ok so DH is offering to take SS separately but just at the same time because he would enjoy it?

converseandjeans · 02/06/2022 22:09

I don't think I'd be happy if I was your friend who originally invited you & DD. I don't imagine your DH was part of the plan let alone SS. It totally changes the dynamics. Nothing to do with SS not being full sibling.

If he does insist then really he needs to entertain SS.

Is DD also his daughter?

converseandjeans · 02/06/2022 22:11

DH just needs to find an activity to do with SS and spend day with him. Or do something following day with both siblings.

Onwards22 · 02/06/2022 22:22

It depends on what the activity is.

I think it’s odd if two friends are going and someone invited themselves (or by someone else) and they didn’t run it by the friend first.

But it sounds like it could be an activity that the girls will go off and do their thing and DH and SS will go and do their thing.
Or something like the cinema which you’re all going to.

SecondarySnob · 02/06/2022 22:37

Unless you say what the activity is then it's very hard to know?

Like if it's a day at a zoo/theme park then surely DH and SS can go off on their own and it's not really any issue at all that they're going the same day?

heavyistheheed · 02/06/2022 22:42

But it's DH's friend ?

Is DH the dad of your Dd?

Honestly I don't think he IBU

Mellowyellow222 · 02/06/2022 23:18

heavyistheheed · 02/06/2022 22:42

But it's DH's friend ?

Is DH the dad of your Dd?

Honestly I don't think he IBU

I can’t get the story straight at all.

every time OP posts it twists in another direction.

how a simply outing with the kids could be this hard to understand is a mystery

heavyistheheed · 02/06/2022 23:35

I just couldn't get upset at my husbands child being included in an activity arranged by my husbands friend

Threetulips · 02/06/2022 23:44

Yes but OPs daughter is upset that her father is riding roughshod over her day with a friend.

Feelingoktoday · 02/06/2022 23:50

So you are going out with another mum with your daughters?
your DH invites himself and step son along too?
I find this odd. Is the other mum’s partner going too?

heavyistheheed · 02/06/2022 23:53

@Feelingoktoday it's the husbands friend who is the parent of the other child. I assumed another dad but I could be wrong. OP hasn't been very clear

Fireflygal · 02/06/2022 23:57

The activity is relevant..if it's a theme park then less of an issue as partner & ss can go off together.

BreadInCaptivity · 03/06/2022 00:02

It's ridiculous.

Your DH had no right to crash the play date.

I see lots of posts on MN about parents (rightly) getting cross when siblings are brought in tow for parties and events and this is no different.

There was nothing stopping your DH from doing something else with his son. It's just bloody lazy parenting to hijack someone else's plans and get parental brownie points at other peoples expense.

I'd have put my foot down and said no. He can take the mental load of thinking/organising doing something nice with his child.

Honestly I get so cross reading FOMO threads from blended (usually fathers behaviour) families that are almost always to the detriment of the children of the second relationship.

Nothing to see here folks apart from a shit load of red carpet for some children and a shit sandwich for others.

Note: I was specific about FOMO and yes, there are a lot of children from a first relationship that are disadvantaged for different reasons.

minutesturntohours · 03/06/2022 00:35

Sorry if you've clarified this OP.

Your tune changes significantly. Was he 'invited', specifically, or was he going to be there anyway?

ittakes2 · 03/06/2022 00:56

Teenage boys do not as standard tease younger kids. Only the bullies do. I would be furious if my son teased another child to the extent they are worried about it happening.

minutesturntohours · 03/06/2022 01:03

ittakes2 · 03/06/2022 00:56

Teenage boys do not as standard tease younger kids. Only the bullies do. I would be furious if my son teased another child to the extent they are worried about it happening.

4 years apart, and theyre (step) siblings!

My brother ripped the piss out of me until I was about 25!

and dont believe the 'he picks on me' tripe. I can think of numerous occasions I provoked my brother then shed a tear to get him into trouble.

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