Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Had a fight with DH

55 replies

Newstart12 · 02/06/2022 07:52

We are always bickering etc but yesterday was awful. I know we are both to blame to not looking for validation just looking for some support. I feel ignored by DH all the time, he doesn’t talk to me and doesn’t really get involved with anything to do with our kids (3 and 5) I do everything.

So yesterday after an exhausting day I was making kids meal and me and DH were having a takeaway meal we’ve never had before I asked him if he could read the back and tell me what goes in oven and what in microwave, the kids were crying, I was hungry, and he decides to be a joker and waves the rice infrint of my face whilst I’m cooking saying “this is rice”, then waving another part of the meal in my face. I just lost it and things just escalated with him throwing the food across the kitchen. I’m really fed up. I can’t live like this anymore.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 02/06/2022 07:53

No, you need to separate before it escalates.

Original poster
Newstart12 · 02/06/2022 07:58

He then spent the entire night screaming that he’s hungry. We both went to bed hungry as he threw our meal across the kitchen. I was shouting and screaming at him too. I’m embarrassed that neighbours heard us. I’m really lost don’t know what to do. Don’t have any support. Couldn’t afford to move out

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 02/06/2022 07:59

Your children should not have to witness their parents throwing things and shouting. Do you see how bad that is ?

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 02/06/2022 08:02

Where the kids around when this was happening? They must have been petrified.

Always bickering sounds like a horrible environment for everyone. Sounds like you have no love left for one another and need to split.

At least you would get a break from the kids.

Darbs76 · 02/06/2022 08:04

Please don’t stay in this relationship when you’re arguing like that in front of your kids. I was that kid and let me tell you it’s terrifying. Once my brother and I sat at the kitchen table whilst arguing was going on upstairs, shouting and screaming and we both prayed it would all stop. Leave the relationship as it’s toxic and it’s damaging to your children

Unanananana · 02/06/2022 08:04

Your poor kids having to witness their parents behaving like this. Do you not see the damage you are doing?

Sounds like you need to split up for all of your sakes. The bickering and chucking food around sounds toxic and frankly, ridiculous.

GrazingSheep · 02/06/2022 08:05

Your poor kids.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/06/2022 08:06

Why doesn’t he do anything with/ for the kids?

supersizeforaquid · 02/06/2022 08:06

How ridiculous! Your poor dc

im sure one of you could of made you both something to eat rather than both going to bed hungry

i don’t think you can afford not to split. I’d speak to the cab to see what support you would be entitled too and then leave

dudsville · 02/06/2022 08:06

I think my ex and i would have ended up like this. His parents argued until they died and it was nirmal for him. I remember lying in bed once hearing his father say "don't ever touch me again", we think she might have slapped him. It's a terrible environment for adults, how much worse for children.

BrutusMcDogface · 02/06/2022 08:07

yes, sounds like it’s over. I’m sorry. Your children deserve better than this. 💐

BrutusMcDogface · 02/06/2022 08:08

Who cleaned up the food he threw across the room?

Fushiadreams · 02/06/2022 08:09

I’m not sure that waving the rice necessitated “loosing it” or that there is any justification for that.

I think you noth have signficant issues, you can’t raise children in a chaotic household like this where neither of you can control yourselves.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/06/2022 08:10

So, it's clear you basically hate each other and this current situation is terrible for the children.
So it's just finances to sort to work out how you can separately move on with your lives.
I'd start looking in to it all.

bellamountain · 02/06/2022 08:14

That sounds like a situation my parents would be in. It's horrible as a child to witness. To say he shows no interest in you and your children, you'd be better off doing something now rather than carry on like it. You are already the stronger person as you are the one who is there for the children.

Fushiadreams · 02/06/2022 08:17

bellamountain · 02/06/2022 08:14

That sounds like a situation my parents would be in. It's horrible as a child to witness. To say he shows no interest in you and your children, you'd be better off doing something now rather than carry on like it. You are already the stronger person as you are the one who is there for the children.

What? It’s not about who is the better person and neither of them are better. Did you miss the part that the kids were there, she started the screaming first and then they both continued it all evening, to the extent the neighbours could hear? What part of that is being there for the children. Being there for children is more than physically or financially providing for them. It’s caring for them emotionally

she wasn’t asking who is worse.

RealBecca · 02/06/2022 08:21

Yeah seperste. You've become so accustomed to the toxic environment that your worry is the neighbours hearing (embarrassment?) Rsther than how your kids would have felt. Not normal.

Blaze1886 · 02/06/2022 08:26

Fight is an exaggeration

bellamountain · 02/06/2022 08:27

@Fushiadreams OP is ignored by her DH and he shows no interest in his children. I would lose it from time to time in that situation too. Doesn't make OP a bad person.

pilates · 02/06/2022 08:29

Yes separate. It’s a toxic environment for your children.

Badqueen · 02/06/2022 08:35

Your poor children. Time to end it. Your children deserve better than this.

Wilkolampshade · 02/06/2022 08:35

Stop it. Now. Get help and seperate. Then get some more help.
I grew up in a household where the throwing of food, chairs, plates was commonplace. We were hit and slapped frequently. There was vicious name calling and awful shouting. I can still remember crying in my room listening to it, wondering if there would be the pounding of my dad's feet on the stairs and worse to come. It fucked me up for life. If this carries on, this is potentially the reality of your children's lives.

GiltEdges · 02/06/2022 08:38

I've been the child with parents who fought like this. Honestly, your behaviour (you and your "D"H collectively) is despicable and will do lasting damage to your innocent children.

Maisydaisy56 · 02/06/2022 08:55

sounds like the food was the final straw to make you realise this can't do in. I was in a similar situation until last year when I decided it has to end. I'm more fortunate that I'm financially independent and my children no longer live at home but it was still hard but absolutely well worth the turmoil. You say you can't afford to separate but there are so many support networks out there (I know because I used them) and people who will hold your hand and get you through it. Be brave - just take the leap and you'll never regret it

Herejustforthisone · 02/06/2022 08:57

He sounds repulsive and you sound broken.