Had a fight with DH

[Newstart12]

We are always bickering etc but yesterday was awful. I know we are both to blame to not looking for validation just looking for some support. I feel ignored by DH all the time, he doesn’t talk to me and doesn’t really get involved with anything to do with our kids (3 and 5) I do everything.

So yesterday after an exhausting day I was making kids meal and me and DH were having a takeaway meal we’ve never had before I asked him if he could read the back and tell me what goes in oven and what in microwave, the kids were crying, I was hungry, and he decides to be a joker and waves the rice infrint of my face whilst I’m cooking saying “this is rice”, then waving another part of the meal in my face. I just lost it and things just escalated with him throwing the food across the kitchen. I’m really fed up. I can’t live like this anymore.

'Always bickering'

Separate, this environment is awful for everyone involved.

His response to your tired question was to treat you with contempt.

Once there is contempt in a relationship, there isn't any going back.

You don't like each other, it's over. The pair of you need to work out how to split, for your sakes and for your children.

Of course it's an understandable trigger. When you're already stressed, to have someone sarcastically goading you instead of helping, is dreadful.

That said, he sounds like a waste of space and I would be looking to separate. You can't raise kids like this and you are both responsible for that.

Agree with PP. Once contempt has set in, the relationship is dead. It's whether you want to parade it's putrid corpse in front of your children by for the next 10 - 20 years that's the question.

So you threw the packaged food across the room then it was cooked and he threw the unpackaged food?

This is toxic AF and your poor kids had to witness it.

You need to separate.

This is ridiculous!

What is the point in being in a relationship where you bicker all of the time and then it escalates to this!

Neither of you are happy.
Both of you are as bad as each other.
So it’s time to stopping kidding yourselves at just end it.

Your poor kids!

Why are some people so afraid of being single that they’ll put up with this crap.

I was also the child who's parents were like this. It is an awful environment and your children will grow up wishing they had a better childhood. There's lots of support out there. I think your first step is to start making a plan on how to leave, where yous will live, your job, childcare and finances. There's a benefits calculator you can use online to work out what help you will be entitled to. You absolutely can and will manage on your own. Taking that first step is scary but your children will thank you for it and you and your children will live much happier lives. By leaving you will give them a better chance of not growing up with mental health/behavioural issues which is the road they will most probably go down if you keep them in this toxic environment.

Obviously I don't know him, but he sounds kind of immature. If someone is tired and stressed, you pick up the vibes and help them. You don't make adolescent jokes.

You're certainly not alone. A lot of men just never grow up. They behave like silly 12-year-olds throughout their 20s and 30s and then, around 40 or 50, morph into miserable old men. One minute you're living with a boy who laughs at fart jokes and plays video games, then a miserable old git who never wants to go anywhere or do anything. (OK, gross generalization, and yes, I'm venting about my ex...but still pretty true.)

It's even worse when they were spoiled. God, there is nothing worse than a selfish, spoiled man-boy. I suppose it's a generational thing. When I was a kid, the older generation had all been through the war. My grandfather had his 18th birthday onboard a ship bound for Burma. My great aunt married a Dunkirk veteran, and my great grandmother was married to a twice-wounded WW1 'tommy'. These men had had all that silliness and immaturity knocked out of them. They were adults. When I compare men of today to men like them it really is shocking. A lot of women don't marry men anymore, they marry 'kidults'.

He sounds very childish, taunting you by shoving stuff in your face. This doesn’t sound like a sustainable relationship and your dc must be suffering.

You need to separate. He sounds ridiculous.

Well, one of you is going to have to move out.

Why doesn't your h do anything for the Dc? Why do you do it all?

Been in your position, various things happened, and just touching on the subject of food, my ex threw his dinner up the wall, left it there for the night, went out the next morning, and I cleaned it up, which he came home to see me doing with a smug look on his face. The things that went on were awful, I was also taught that this was 'normal' growing up. When our DC came along, it got worse, and I got out of it, one way or the other, so glad i did!!

I do understand everyone's situations are different and money is a massive factor, but you can get help and advice, you may even get assistance based on domestic violence, as this comes under that, even if not. you would be able to claim something.

I would talk to someone like Women’s Aid etc first and see what they say, ultimately you need to get out of there, if it's bad for you, imagine how it is for the children, good luck.

Please end your toxic relationship.

Regardless of finance you have to separate. It's been fine by others a million times over so you can do it too.

How on earth do you get to the stage of arguing over how to heat up a takeaway? Why didn't you just feed the kids, surely feed them before it gets to the crying stage? Then sort yourselves out. You both sound ridiculous.

I find it odd you seem more worried about your neighbors hearing the screaming than your children, who must have been terrified. You need to forget this useless DH and prioritise creating a loving, calm, predictable home environment for them.

I suggest one or other of you leaves the house for a few days at least. This is a very fraught situation!

Well we don't know if she will get a break from the kids if they split. Often the disinterest in the children carries on after the split and the man moves on.

I’d have called a takeaway and sat and eaten the lot in front of his hungry face - but then again I can be so petty

We are always bickering etc

This is a toxic environment for your kids to grow up in. So yes, you need to separate. Work out finances and get some legal advice after the bank holiday.

He can move out; you can stay in the family home with the DC. He will have to contribute, even if he doesn't want to.

Do you both work?

I’m really fed up. I can’t live like this anymore.

Then don't. Time to go. What do you need to do to be able to separate?

You don’t get on, you don’t bring out the best in each other and your constant arguing doesn’t provide a secure environment for your children. You have to split.

I find it odd you seem more worried about your neighbors hearing the screaming than your children

This completely. Your poor DC

Its obvious that the OP feels bad, do you really think they're oblivious? How is this helpful at all?! Just so you can be judgemental?