Suspicious about my dads behaviour

[Rabbitinthefield]

I’m completely new here, literally don’t know where else to post or ask and don’t want ask any friends before I’ve cleared my head.

im an adult woman (20’s) and I live with my dad (60) alone.

A few months ago something strange occurred in my house.
I was home alone and going to do a wash load. I opened the washer and there were damp-ish items In there- so I took them out to discover it was a yellow dusting cloth (ripped to shreds), a glass glove cleaner thing, and a pair of very small (tight waisted) boxer shorts-my immediate thought was that they were boys/child’s boxers.
My dad is very overweight and never worn boxers is his life. I have a younger brother (20’s) but he hasn’t been to my dads house in two years.
They can’t be either my dads or my brothers. They’d also had stains in them as if they’d been recently worn.
I was obviously very alarmed and confused by this. I took pictures on my phone of all the items then put them on a pile of of my dads washing as if i hadn’t noticed them because I didn’t want to confront him without trying to figure out more, also I was scared.

I was keeping a look out for weird stuff in the wash and didn’t discover anything else, however I also think those items have been binned because I haven’t seen them again. Looked for the cleaning glove and cloth in the diy cupboards to no avail either.

When on YouTube, I get AD recommendations like everyone else (the links just below the video you’re watching)
I keep getting recurring ads for ‘child models’ ‘aged between 3-12’…
needless to say this is nothing to do with either what I’m watching on YouTube (normally beauty or sports videos) and certainly nothing to do with my general Googling…
I have noticed that if you share the same wifi (I.e. in a house with the same IP) you can receive targeted ads across different devices/phones.
I know this because I’ve also got targeted ads for prostate screening (I’m female) and my dad is currently having his levels checked, so he has obviously been Googling it himself, which makes me highly concerned as to why I’m receiving ads for child models?

I tried to put it down to coincidence but today it happened again (maybe the 4th time in a couple months) and I just couldn’t ignore it. It’s freaking me out.
My dad was out and I went into his room and through his stuff.
in one of his sock draws I found a child’s bralette (literally has a label on it which says 9-11 years) and I found another pair of small boxers (this label saying for 13 years) which also have a hole in them and again have worn stains.
I’ve taken them out of the draw so they don’t disappear and locked them in my storage for now.

I don’t know what to do or what to think.
If these were adult garments I would just leave them and try not to think about them, as who wants to think of their parents in that sort of way anyway?
However the fact that all 3 items are quite clearly for children and the child model ads im also getting…I’m so worried and don’t know If I’m unreasonably thinking something is suspicious and is seriously wrong…?

im racking my brain thinking of all my dads’ past behaviour.

A few months ago, near the time I discovered the first set of boxers, we were out in London and I remember him commenting on all the school kids about. I said it’s weird that he would comment that and he went silent.

We also had a carer for my late nan, this carer was like family to us and sometimes her young daughter (4ish) would come in with her on the afternoon shift after school. I’d met the daughter loads of times as we’d sit and chat whilst her mum took care of my nan.
My dad knew this as all us adults would chat about my nans care- but my dad always mentioned to the carer that she should bring ‘daisy’ (not real name) in whenever she likes, and when I think back- I think it was excessive how often he would mention it.

He also comments on how lovely and clever the little girl is next door (7ish?) very often. In actual fact the kids next door are beyond bratish and scream the street down and no one else on the street looks at them favourably- just my dad.

if I’m really honest, I believe my dad often comments about children. Nothing explicit but usually saying nice cutesy things if he sees kids but usually to me, not to them or their parents.

my mum and dad spilt when I was four, so it’s been two decades about. I’ve never know him to date anyone else ever since, my mum or any other family has never mentioned another partner. Friends of mine that know my family often ask why my dad has been single all this time. I’m questioning everything tbh.

Maybe all this added info is pure paranoia at this stage.

what would people here recommend and what would you think If you were in this situation?

thank you

Have you asked him why he has kids underwear? Would be a good starting point don't you think?

To posters saying they can't see anything wrong .
Having children's underwear when you've not got a young child is WRONG on so many levels. The comments he's made about children could all be innocent, it's common for people his age to mention it I've found. Could he have early inset dementia? You are definitely right to be concerned about the kids undies I completely agree though. My spidey senses would be going off.

Honestly if this was me I'd tell the police and make sure you give them the IP address so they can do a search on his activity.

best Contact the nspcc for advice.

all these are red flags and I would be seriously concerned about his search history

has you mother ever had any concerns about him? Why did they split?

Have you thought about calling the child abuse hotline to see if they can give you any recommendations. You can remain anonymous.

Agree with others that the NSPCC is a good place to start. I do think it’s odd and I would be worried in your shoes.

So sorry you are going through this OP. Well done for trusting your instincts and seeking advice on a really difficult situation.

Hearing what you have outlined, it does sound like you have reason to be concerned. You have found 3 separate items of children’s underwear in your dad’s possession, when there are no children in the house, and those items appear to have been worn. Those are the facts, and if you detach any emotion from this situation and try and ignore the fact he is your Dad those facts alone are worrying.

If the goal here is to A) understand more about your Dad’s behaviour and B) stop any (potential) risk to children going forward, then I think you swiftly need to find out a bit more before taking this further to a professional body eg NSPCC, and eventually the Police.

The targeted ads do seem suspect and coupled with the clothing items I think your instincts are right here. If you have access to passwords on the house laptop, I would access his history and screenshot it on your phone in case you need it as evidence. I would make a note of his IP address. If you have access to his phone and/or any other tablets and devices I would do the same there. Alongside search history I would be looking for folders on his devices that might contain imagery - think Downloads, and obscure file names. If you think all this feels invasive to his privacy, when the risk here is that children are in some way being exploited (either through online or real world) then I think you bypass any guilt of snooping for the greater goal of getting more clarity on the situation and potentially stopping further harm that might be happening. Remember, you might not find anything suspect at all but if you do, then you know you did the right thing in looking.

Once you have a bit more information gathered, I would contact the NSPCC for advice. If you have a dossier of evidence (screenshots, the underwear you already physically have and the picture of the previous underwear from the wash) they are likely to suggest speaking to the police who may wish to conduct internet searches. All of this can be anonymous so it won’t necessarily come back to you, but again any guilt you might feel about your Dad finding out this was you will need to be parked for now if the ultimate goal here is the protection of vulnerable children.

Just want to give you a little hand hold and reassure you that you are absolutely doing the right thing in trusting your instincts and wanting to find out more, this does sound suspect.

If all of this amounts to your Dad having an unhealthy obsession with children that has led to him ordering / accessing used children’s underwear online, then you are absolutely doing the right thing in trying to prevent that from happening again. In that scenario, there is a child somewhere out there whose parent or guardian is exploiting them. If it amounts to him having accessed imagery or more, then you again are stopping the chain of abuse if one more person is prevented from viewing that material ever again.

Keep us posted if you find more and well done for doing the right thing x

The only innocent explanation I can think of is that he’s using them as cleaning rags. A strange thing to use for this purpose but you said they were with a dusting rag etc.

But I would definitely try to look at his internet history to see if you can find out if he’s been looking at anything inappropriate. The pop up ads aren’t enough evidence - nor the comments about there being a lot of children around.

I think you need to discreetly look into this more before making a serious accusation.

Go to the Police

My first thought was cleaning rags but then with the other places you have since found items I would confront him

I had a 3 year old boy's pants hidden behind my living room radiator for nearly a year before a spring clean revealed them. Also some baby socks buried under the dog's kitchen bed. I do not have a young child.

Good thing you're not my daughter @Inthesameboatatmo or you'd have me hauled off in chains for the revolting pervert I am.

They aren't hidden in your chest of drawers with your clothes though or put in the washing machine regularly are they? . Its suspicious end of.

I had a 3 year old boy's pants hidden behind my living room radiator for nearly a year before a spring clean revealed them. Also some baby socks buried under the dog's kitchen bed. I do not have a young child.

But different to OP's situation, no?

They can’t be either my dads or my brothers.

They’d also had stains in them as if they’d been recently worn.

When on YouTube, I get AD recommendations like everyone else (the links just below the video you’re watching) I keep getting recurring ads for ‘child models’ ‘aged between 3-12’…

in one of his sock draws I found a child’s bralette (literally has a label on it which says 9-11 years) and I found another pair of small boxers (this label saying for 13 years) which also have a hole in them and again have worn stains.

You honestly don't think those things are suspicious at all?

If you have access to passwords on the house laptop, I would access his history and screenshot it on your phone in case you need it as evidence. I would make a note of his IP address. If you have access to his phone and/or any other tablets and devices I would do the same there. Alongside search history I would be looking for folders on his devices that might contain imagery - think Downloads, and obscure file names
...
Keep us posted if you find more and well done for doing the right thing x
Not if she takes your advice she isn't @Dol4321
Have you any idea how illegal the activity you blithely suggest is? Or how potentially compromising to OP?

If she has suspicions, she needs to take calm advice from experts, not play at detective with - if she even found anything - potentially volatile content which could very well explode in her own face.
If, having gained reassurance & advice from an agency like NSPCC, she feels action is warranted - her duty is to inform the police, not fuck about with what she suspects might be uncovered.

This is her DAD. It's going to be horribly hard, however she manages it.
Ramping up the drama by enticing her to crime & making her wide open to unforseen complications about her own involvment, her own devices, & the shared ISPs/servers in her home is ... irresponsible, & I am being polite here.

If this is all it's been beefed up to be.
Could be old dust/polish cloths from an ancient ragbag. Or old clothes from visiting family. Could be misplaced items, or a messy approach to putting things away, or shortsightedness. Could be anything. There's no need to hyperbolise, especially to an OP who is distraught enough to find a man commenting on the existence of schoolchildren on a public highway "weird" & shut him down for it.

I had a 3 year old boy's pants hidden behind my living room radiator for nearly a year before a spring clean revealed them. Also some baby socks buried under the dog's kitchen bed. I do not have a young child.

Good thing you're not my daughter @Inthesameboatatmo or you'd have me hauled off in chains for the revolting pervert I am.

They aren't hidden in your chest of drawers with your clothes though or put in the washing machine regularly are they? . Its suspicious end of.

Well I dunno @Inthesameboatatmo. The pants aren't, as I returned them to the boys' mum, although I doubt they were a good fit by then.
The socks ARE in a chest of drawers, funnily enough. With my own pants. The SHAME!
There might be some teeny vests or shorts around in my ragbag, & sometimes rags get put in the washing machine. Horrors! Are you dialling 101?

@KettrickenSmiled.

But you absolutely cannot see that what you are saying is completely different to the op. Something is telling the op this isn't right. And it's not right, she needs to listen to her instincts on this.
Do you not see how having young children's stained underwear, ads popping up about young children because of things that have been googled by him and making regular comments about pretty little girls who pass you in the street is wrong. No?

Again, entirely different to childrens underwear with tags on (so purchased by him despite him not having children anywhere near that age) and with stains in (so worn and unwashed but kept).

How is my situation different from OP's?

Suspicious ...? Again, I dunno.
Observing that lots of schoolkids are about? Nope
The assessment of old clothing, & OP's belief that she can tell how recently worn they are from the stains? Nope
Social media recommendations? I get stuff for hot asian babes, erectile dysfunction, liquid diet compounds & steroids. I do not fancy babes, have a penis, drink processed diet concoctions, or bodybuild. Nope
The bralette & pants? Possibly. But a CIRCUMSTANTIAL suspicion only. Also explainable in exactly the same way as my own nefarious possession of small humans' clothing.

What I DO know though is that some PP are practically salivating for action & denouement. Even asking OP to Keep us posted if you find more, as if her life is a Netflix special. It's distasteful, & exceptionally unhelpful to her circumstances.

Derek Bentley was convicted on "something isn't right" & "instincts" i.e. confirmation bias & an opportunity for an easy verdict.

Have fun at the guillotine, this is too much frothing for me before teatime.

Go and clutch your pearls then deary and stop posting.

@KettrickenSmiled

The bralette & pants? Possibly. But a CIRCUMSTANTIAL suspicion only. Also explainable in exactly the same way as my own nefarious possession of small humans' clothing.

For what possible reason would a man in his 60s with only children have bought a children's bralette with the tag still on and then keep it in his drawer / wardrobe?

I'm not asking that in a snarky way, I just genuinely can't understand for what reasonable, logical reason you think he would have that.

Go and clutch your pearls then deary and stop posting
You are funny. The pearls are almost strangling some PP here, so busy are they winding up a PP to take the law on her own hands & confirming her suspicions on the basis of ... well, what?
Don't you think she feels bad enough already, without a lynch mob jumping up & imagining they can do the NSPCC's & police's job for them? I reckon OP needs decorum & restraint right now, & I hope she is quietly reaching out to expert agencies rather than getting even more upset at some of the foregone conclusions going on here.

It's not your job or mine to find out.
OP needs to take this to the relevant authorities, not get even more upset by other people confirming her suspicions without due process.

Have a good rest of day, cheerio.

Could it be very old underwear that he has used as rags?