MIL... Need I say more haha

[Mamabear1992]

I'm 20 weeks pregnant and my MIL just sent me a mobility trainer (like a small basic crosstrainer) so I can quote "tone up after the baby's here". I already have a mother I don't have a good relationship with her for various reasons

Aibu to be really offended that she would send this to me??? My husband doesn't understand my issue..

Gift it back for her birthday! 'MIL I've noticed things are getting a bit droopy, have this so you can tone up'.

Did she actually buy it for you or is she just clearing out her garage and trying to palm stuff off on you?

Hahaha great plan!!!!

Sadly she bought it for me and send it direct to my house in original packaging /delivery label etc.

misguided but kind! Let it go

Is she generally a nice person or not really? Do you have a good relationship? I have an aunt who would absolutely do this. She's the kindest, sweetest person, but does the most weird, almost passive aggressive stuff, but I know her well enough to know it isn't PA iyswim. One day I went to her house and didn't bother putting any make up on. She said hi, gave me a hug, put the kettle on and ran upstairs, bringing down some make up she 'thought I'd like as she doesn't wear this one anymore' lie she tried to make it sound unconnected to the fact I wasn't wearing any, but I knew!

I'm not even that ugly

Now that I've derailed your thread, if she's the typical MN MIL, probably none of what I said applies to you...

Return to sender? Do you even have the space for this?

Where’s the kindness?

Sell it and buy cake.

YABU.

She made a kind & generous gesture.
It might be construed as a little overbearing or inconvenient (do you have room for even a 'mini' cross-trainer?!) but if this is your biggest issue with MiL, you've not got much to worry about.

Kind? No kind would have been if she had asked first 'is there anything you would like for after the baby is born'. She may as well have bought you a set of scales.

Most likely misguided and knows you like to keep in shape so thought it was a considerate gift that you could use at home.

I would not be offended at all.

Well it hardly sounds as if she chose a present, spent money and sent it to you out of spite.

You say you don't have a good relationship with her. Maybe she is trying to improve it. Up to you whether you turn your nose up at her efforts.

Easy to spot if you're not knee-jerking with "MiL's = poison" like a bad Les Dawson impersonator.

MiL has had her own DC, so she knows it's a journey to get back to fitness post-partum, & she knows that having a newborn hanging off you can make gym-going or other external exercise difficult to organise.

Why not put the better construction on this, & stop looking for insult?

If OP doesn't want the damn present, she needs to woman up & say so. No need for conflict, no need for hurt feelings. Just "this was so kind of you! - but sadly not my thing I've got 2 left feet & will fall off it ... do you mind if I sell on & swap for XYZ instead?"

How does your DH not see the issue?!

Presumably you've never said to her anything along the lines of 'gosh I can't wait to tone up after the baby arrives'?!
Return it if you can or sell it if you can't. Unless you've said you want something like this then it's just rude.

Unless there is a backstory I think it's quite sweet. She is just assuming you will want to exercise but realises you will have limited time/ability to get out of the house.

In all seriousness it actually is a good idea to try to tone back up after having a baby. Core strength will support your pelvic floor which is essential to prevent incontinence later in life (talking from experience here...)

Maybe she has regrets about not putting her own recovery first after her children and cares enough to prioritise yours.

Are you fit? Do you usually exercise?

I would love something like this as I have missed running and going to the gym.

I can see why it would be an unkind ‘gift’ if you don’t exercise though.

I know weight is a very touchy subject, especially during pregnancy. I have an ED and found the personal comments during that time very difficult but looking at this from an outside perspective I don't think there was any malice. Most people want to tone up after having a baby, even if they didn't gain much weight.

well if your H can't see what's wrong with it gift it to him, tell him you've noticed things need toning up. Obviously he will see no problem with such a gift and sentiment (plus he isn't growing a human being).

Why are you offended by it?

Unless there is some backstory to your relationship and she's well known for criticising you about your weight, fitness or appearance, then I can't see the issue.

I would be thrilled with this but then I'm massively into training and fitness. Don't most people want to tone up and lose weight after having a baby? I think it's thoughtful unless there's a massive backstory

Buy her some anti wrinkle cream.

Really depends on the spirit it's given in. What is she generally like for the rest - the interfering, know-it-all sort of MIL, or just the kind and considerate (if slightly misguided) sort?

If you feel she's overstepped boundaries with this gift, how about a "Thanks for the crosstrainer. However I will be returning it to you as I am happy to be a little flabby / intend taking up bellydancing to tone up after baby.

Did you DH suggest the gift?