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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL has been in A&E 17½ hours. AIBU to think this is totally unreasonable

196 replies

PearlyShamps · 01/06/2022 11:47

MIL has pain shooting from her groin, down her leg. Cannot walk or bear weight. GP advised to call 111. They advised to go to A&E. There, at 6pm yesterday, she was told 5 hour wait. She and her husband (both well into there 70s) have now been waiting almost 18 hours. She has been triaged, but not seen by a dr. They have missed 2 meals and a night's sleep. We feel useless and unable to help. Its utterly ridiculous!

OP posts:
milkyaqua · 01/06/2022 12:35

PearlyShamps · 01/06/2022 12:00

FIL picked up all the necessities. DH offered to swap places with FIL, as have I. They are very independent, and don't want to put us out. It wouldn't be putting us out in the slightest, but they are insistent.

Don't wait for a gilt-edged invitation. Just show up. They probably could do with some respite, some support, and maybe someone to advocate for your MIL.

WombatNo12 · 01/06/2022 12:36

Where I live it's become routine for over 80s patients to be left 24hrs + in a chair before admission or being sent home.

Family member has just been told the surgeon hasn't turned up for his operation. Was undressed, on a trolley, etc. Operation has been postponed 4 times before.

Wheresthebeach · 01/06/2022 12:37

That all sounds wrong. I'd just show up, and speak to reception. Confirm the wait time, ask how much longer. Like the others I bet she's been forgotten/missed somehow. Stay until she's seen checking every hour with reception.

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 01/06/2022 12:37

Surely they have been forgotten, I know A&E is stretched at the moment but 17.5hrs is unbelievable.

FIL needs to kick up a stink.

lameasahorse · 01/06/2022 12:38

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Thecatsatonthewalls · 01/06/2022 12:38

Jonny Mercer, the Tory MP for a Plymouth ward, waited over 20 hrs with a bad neck injury recently.

Its bad but they no staff and no bed space to send anyone, as too many are still stuck in hospital, as there is no community care to discharge into.

We voted for 12 years of Austerity and Brexit.

GCRich · 01/06/2022 12:44

MIL has pain shooting from her groin, down her leg. Cannot walk or bear weight. GP advised to call 111. They advised to go to A&E. There, at 6pm yesterday, she was told 5 hour wait. She and her husband (both well into there 70s) have now been waiting almost 18 hours. She has been triaged, but not seen by a dr. They have missed 2 meals and a night's sleep. We feel useless and unable to help. Its utterly ridiculous!

Look on the bright side - at least she hasn't been waiting as long as she had to wait for the ambulance!

[Trying to inject a touch of humour into this... it is not funny.]

CustardySergeant · 01/06/2022 12:45

Octomore "If they haven't even been triaged it sounds as though they have somehow been missed."

She has been triaged. It says in the OP "She has been triaged, but not seen by a dr."

Unifrom · 01/06/2022 12:46

I waited 5 hours with a newborn who was septic. A&E was empty too. As soon as they saw him, suddenly they buzzed and 10 other people appeared within seconds to save him - where the fuck were they when we were sat 10 feet away being ignored for hours. The NHS is a disgrace.

Hope your MIL is seen quickly OP, it’s really unacceptable and I don’t know why we as a country continue to praise a service that is such a disgrace.

PeekAtYou · 01/06/2022 12:52

I think one of you need to go down there with food and drink and advocate for them. You must be extremely worried Sad

greatblueheron · 01/06/2022 12:52

It's awful, and it shouldn't happen, and we've been there ... but the reality is, there are more needing care than those available to provide it in a timely manner. Hence hours and hours waiting for ambulances. Hours and hours waiting in A&E. Hence months and even years on waiting lists for 'elective' (non-life threatening) procedures.

Unfortunately, they can't magic up A&E staff that don't exist (due to things like illness, covid quarantine requirements, unfilled vacancies, holiday rotas on a bank holiday weekend where those with young families and no childcare may have had to take it off, not enough doctors being trained up at our end, the number of European doctors/nurses/etc who have left the UK post-Brexit due to their poor treatment by the country, lack of proper funding, etc).

I hope she's seen to soon. We really have been there recently and spent over 12 hours waiting for what we knew the diagnosis would be, and then another few hours before the family member was admitted for the week. They are chock-a-block in some areas and nothing they can do about it.

Onwards22 · 01/06/2022 12:54

Could you ring the department and say she went in 17 hours ago but you’ve not heard from them since and you’re really worried.

If they have been missed then the staff will realise their mistake.
Unfortunately as a PP suggested some elderly people are pushed to the back of the queue.

I have had to wait for 8 hours when my DD broke her arm and this was a few years ago so I dread up think how bad it’s got now.

As PPs have suggested don’t ask your FIL - tell him.
Go and drop food and drink off and a book or something. Hospital food is very expensive.
Take them a power bank charger too.

Tell them to hold out waiting as well. I’d be tempted to go home but they’ve got to be seen soon surely!

I’d try and swap with FIL for a couple of hours as he can’t be driving home with no sleep.

TheThreadisMildlyAmusing · 01/06/2022 12:58

I think the NHS's policy these days is to leave anyone over 70 in the hope they will either go home without being seen or just drop dead, either way it's a win for the NHS staff.

zafferana · 01/06/2022 13:04

Don't wait for a gilt-edged invitation. Just show up. They probably could do with some respite, some support, and maybe someone to advocate for your MIL.

I agree with this. My DPs would be the same - wouldn't want to put us out - but at the same time they'd be exhausted. If you are close enough and able to do this, I would. They'll never ask, but they'll be really grateful if you do it.

Onlyhuman123 · 01/06/2022 13:04

Is it worth you popping into A&E and speak to a nurse to ensure they've not been 'forgotten' about?

LidlCinnamonBun · 01/06/2022 13:04

My local hospitals A&E has a 24 hour wait. It’s been that way for months.

jacks11 · 01/06/2022 13:06

Unifrom · 01/06/2022 12:46

I waited 5 hours with a newborn who was septic. A&E was empty too. As soon as they saw him, suddenly they buzzed and 10 other people appeared within seconds to save him - where the fuck were they when we were sat 10 feet away being ignored for hours. The NHS is a disgrace.

Hope your MIL is seen quickly OP, it’s really unacceptable and I don’t know why we as a country continue to praise a service that is such a disgrace.

Probably treating other patients- possibly elsewhere- but responded quickly as they are part of the emergency response team. When that bleep goes off, you pretty much drop whatever you are doing (or stop as soon as it safe to do so, if you can’t literally just stop) and get to the emergency or cardiac arrest ASAP.

I understand your frustration with waiting times- lord only knows we are too- but it’s not cause we are sitting sipping cups of tea or playing pool while people languishing a&e or on admission wards waiting to be assessed.

in your case, it does seem possible that he wasn’t triaged properly as it seems unusual to leave an infant that has signs of sepsis to wait that long, or not to triage a child of that age at all- so again, I understand the anger and frustration. But, individual errors aside, waiting times are not long because staff don’t care/can’t be arsed or are doing nothing (of course, there will be some staff who are lazy/waste time- as in any workforce- but not the majority)- it’s because service demand outstrips funded service provision by quite some way.

And we don’t even have all the staff we should have/are funded for as there is a recruitment problem across all professions/sectors and at all grades- from senior doctors, to trainee Dr’s, all grades of nursing, care assistants pharmacy, physio & OT (aNd their ancillary support staff), psychologists, lab staff (both qualified and assistants/technicians), admin, cleaning staff, catering- you name it, we have issues recruiting and have gaps….

Staff shortages (in both primary and secondary care) + chronic mismanagement of workforce planning + austerity/service cuts + a pandemic and the catching up needed + a crisis in social care = the current mess we have.

Barkingmadhouse · 01/06/2022 13:08

It an awful situation that shouldn't be happening but it is not surprising given how some people treat the NHS - look at the idiot posting about her boyfriend driving himself to a&e mid shoping trip with a long term sholping trip because he felt like it. I know thr nhs isn't perfect but its time that people accept its accident and emergency not everything and anything (i am in no way saying your mum should not be there)

PearlyShamps · 01/06/2022 13:08

There were people waiting to be seen who had been there even longer, so it was not a matter of them being overlooked. The problem was they were/are massively understaffed, and there were just no doctors to be seen.

The good(ish) news is that she has finally been seen, and sent for further tests. I'm pleased the ball is now rolling, but I suspect this will add many hours to their time in the hospital.

For everyone suggesting to go there and insist on FIL swapping - I appreciate the suggestion, but we know from experience he would not have gone anywhere. I agree that doing is better than offering, but we absolutely know he would not have left, even if we were there.

OP posts:
LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 01/06/2022 13:08

That’s awful. Worrying stories on here 😟

milkysmum · 01/06/2022 13:09

I was in A&E yesterday and we waited 2 hours after triage. I honestly think they have somehow been missed/ forgotten/ marked as leaving the department somehow?
Had FIL been and asked about the wait time?
I suggest one of you go down there now and find out what on earth is going on.

TheFairyCaravan · 01/06/2022 13:10

TheThreadisMildlyAmusing · 01/06/2022 12:58

I think the NHS's policy these days is to leave anyone over 70 in the hope they will either go home without being seen or just drop dead, either way it's a win for the NHS staff.

No it’s not. Don’t be so bloody ridiculous.

DS2 and DDIL are both nurses. Believe me they spend most of their days treating people aged over 70.

I’d go to the hospital @PearlyShamps, even if it’s to double check that they’ve not been forgotten accidentally. I hope she’s on the mend soon 💐

PearlyShamps · 01/06/2022 13:15

I never suggested that the NHS were responsible for providing food/drink for people waiting. I mentioned they had missed "2 meals & a night's sleep" as a timeframe - not suggesting they should have been fed.

They were not overlooked, forgotten or assumed "gone home". My FIL was regularly asking at the desk for updates, and was being told they'd be seen "soon". They are both very "with it", and certainly didn't need anyone advocating for them. Had they have not been so, we would have been there in a heartbeat.

OP posts:
Overthewine · 01/06/2022 13:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Onwards22 · 01/06/2022 13:22

The good(ish) news is that she has finally been seen, and sent for further tests. I'm pleased the ball is now rolling, but I suspect this will add many hours to their time in the hospital.

I’m glad to hear it!
Although as you say they’ll need to wait a bit longer, at least they know they are being dealt with and there’s an end in sight.

The worst thing about A&E is that you have to stay in the same position the entire time. It’s not like they can go and walk around to pass the time.

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