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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

house too big, your best tips

98 replies

sunshineapples · 31/05/2022 17:13

Will preface this message with I appreciate lots of people will criticise me for complaining. We used to live in a two bed flat which was super easy to clean and maintain. Have now moved to a four bed house and honestly it just feels unmanageable. I feel like am constantly trying to clean it and things always keep going wrong. Both of us have full time jobs and a toddler. In theory, the house is great - we can work from home and have room. But it feels like we're never on top of any of it. It now feels like am permanently either working, looking after DC or sorting out the house and none of it feels good enough.

How much time does everyone else spend on sorting it all out - if it's not a broken toilet, it's the dishwasher, or the garden or the dusting. There is always something to do and it all seems to cost so much money.

DH does lots of it as well so we do share the load and am not sure why we are struggling. I don't even enjoy the space because all I see is yet more chores. Does anyone have any tips for keeping a big house tidy or at least presentable? I just feel totally overwhelmed and tired and wishing we were back in our small flat

OP posts:
R00K · 31/05/2022 17:14

Sell and move somewhere smaller?

Littlemissprosecco · 31/05/2022 17:15

I agree with you, it is endless! I don’t have an answer, except that it’s nice to sit down when (occasionally) everything’s done!

Toddlerteaplease · 31/05/2022 17:15

Get a cleaner!

Cherrysherbet · 31/05/2022 17:20

We also have a large house, and I know what you mean. Lots of people and lots of rooms equal stress for me. We can’t afford to fix what needs fixing. The bills are astronomical. We have a long list of jobs that just keeps growing. It’s an old house too, which is very expensive to upkeep.
I have lived here all my life, but feel like we can’t afford it anymore.

Forinara · 31/05/2022 17:21

I also have this problem. I only visit one of the floor around once every few weeks. I would ideally like a house around one third of the size although I would be fine with one a quarter of the size. I really wish I was in a different situation and postcode (people battle to buy here with pre schoolers but I am past all that now and I really want to move further out to a little house surrounded by land on an isolated plot).

h0tXberns · 31/05/2022 17:24

I have similar situation to you OP except we do have a cleaner for 3hrs a fortnight. We have 1 dc, one cat one dog. Both work full time, me from home.

Washing/ drying is always piling up. We never iron. There's what I call the war on stuff which is endless supply of clutter, bags and bags of stuff for charity, recycling, needing to find new ways to store DC's stuff. I can't even muster the energy to type about the work needing doing on the house.

Nothing ever feels done or finished. I find it stressful and exhausting.

I used to live alone in a finished neutral neat house. I saw a photo pop up of that house the other day, and I could feel the sense of calm and relaxation I used to adore, just existing in an orderly calm space.

iwanttobeasquare · 31/05/2022 17:24

I felt like this at first and then things clicked into place. We did sort the problems out one by one and we got a cleaner in and generally got on top of it. I do tidy all day though. So - give it time maybe?

Tinkletwat · 31/05/2022 17:25

Can you get a cleaner?

Curiosity101 · 31/05/2022 17:28

If your house is anything like our house then you probably have too much stuff. There are lots of home organising methods and books you could look into.

We have two children (one is a baby and the other is a toddler) and I feel similar. I reckon it's just that we have too much stuff. The kitchen can be clean and spotless, all sides clear and then within a day or two it's absolutely covered with 'stuff'. All these things don't have a proper home so there's no where for them the go. The mess just moves round and round. If we didn't have so much stuff/clutter I don't think it'd be an issue to keep clean and tidy. So yes... I'd definitely recommend reading into a home organising method and/or getting rid of stuff.

tenjishut · 31/05/2022 17:30

Firstly it's important to have the budget for maintenance & ideally a cleaner.
Be ruthless with getting rid of stuff if not needed or broken so less to tidy (more space tends to lead to more stuff).
Be practical with furniture & make sure everything has a home so once stuff is put back it looks tidy.

Highlyquestionablehoumous · 31/05/2022 17:31

You will probably get flamed pretty soon on this thread, but for what it's worth I'm in the same position as you and I feel the same! I often feel like I don't deserve such a lovely house because I can't keep on top of it all!

But hey, first world problems and all that.....

tenjishut · 31/05/2022 17:32

ideally a gardener/tidy up person too

Forinara · 31/05/2022 17:33

Curiosity101 · 31/05/2022 17:28

If your house is anything like our house then you probably have too much stuff. There are lots of home organising methods and books you could look into.

We have two children (one is a baby and the other is a toddler) and I feel similar. I reckon it's just that we have too much stuff. The kitchen can be clean and spotless, all sides clear and then within a day or two it's absolutely covered with 'stuff'. All these things don't have a proper home so there's no where for them the go. The mess just moves round and round. If we didn't have so much stuff/clutter I don't think it'd be an issue to keep clean and tidy. So yes... I'd definitely recommend reading into a home organising method and/or getting rid of stuff.

I agree. It also seems like the wrong point in history to start chucking stuff away! Cleaners never worked out on several occasions for a variety of reasons and everything is 'hygienic'. I suppose that pre-kids, I had swathes of empty space and I would swan around in pretty dresses enjoying the sparseness of it. The stuff I want to get rid of is nice but I don't want to find cupboard space for it as it will live there forever.

Forinara · 31/05/2022 17:38

tenjishut · 31/05/2022 17:30

Firstly it's important to have the budget for maintenance & ideally a cleaner.
Be ruthless with getting rid of stuff if not needed or broken so less to tidy (more space tends to lead to more stuff).
Be practical with furniture & make sure everything has a home so once stuff is put back it looks tidy.

My DCs LOVE broken bits of toys and remodeling them into new toys occupies them for a long time. I do feel that throwing them away would limit their creativity but it looks awful when we have less imaginative visitors looking inside the toy cupboards only to discover superhero heads, parts of smashed vehicles and strange contraptions made out of broken office stationery.

gunnersgold · 31/05/2022 17:41

I have a big 4 bed house and I'm constantly cleaning . Def something every day . It's relentless !
Lots nearby have cleaners but to me it's money down the drain ( literally) as I'm well able to do it and don't mind .. plus you clean one minute and it's messy the next !🙄🙄

tenjishut · 31/05/2022 17:41

@Forinara just have a broken/junk modelling box that's what we have. I don't think it's problem if they are a cupboard. Plus I was more referring to furniture that needs mending etc.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 31/05/2022 17:45

Get a cleaner or sell and buy somewhere smaller.

Swayingpalmtrees · 31/05/2022 17:47

We have a very large house, you may need to lower your standards unless you are prepared to hire someone to clean it.

I have two robot vacuum cleaners going every day - upstairs and downstairs. This helps a lot! And also the robot floor cleaner.

Original poster
sunshineapples · 31/05/2022 17:47

Sorry for sounding so moany - it just feels like I have acquired a whole new set of problems when we moved here. I would love to get a cleaner but I just dont think we can afford it. It's big so will probably take 4 hours to clean and we live in London so that's 15-20 an hour. I just cant spend 250-300 a month on cleaning. Well I thought we could but we seem to spend so much money on just fixing the problems. I thought a house was just a place to live not something that you constantly have to work at

OP posts:
HipsterCoffeeShop · 31/05/2022 17:47

I feel the same as you OP and me and DH don't have kids. We bought a big house looking forward to having people over, loads of room for entertaining.

Whole rooms don't get used for months on end, we mainly live in one room downstairs. We have a lovely kitchen diner and the other two rooms barely get a look in unless we have people over. I haven't sat on our sofa for months.

To be honest I've given up on the cleaning - we do the minimum. Skirting boards (we have miles of them) are just left dusty. Hoovering the carpets takes ages so I do it maybe once a fortnight. Which is a vicious circle because if I did it more often it would be quicker, I know.

We have done loads of decluttering this year and it's starting to make a real difference to how tidy the house is day to day. It's not a total solution but it definitely helps.

Sisiwawa · 31/05/2022 17:48

Just be ruthless when getting rid of stuff, if it hasn't been worn, used or played with for 6 months then donate it. Or sell online and use the funds for maintenance!
A cleaner every 2 weeks will help keep on top of bigger cleaning and free up your time.
Or rent out a room, then the tenant is responsible for cleaning that room and you have an extra income!

Chewchewbacca · 31/05/2022 17:49

We used to have a large ,old ,4 storey
Lot of up keep, plus the kitchen was three floors away from bedrooms so id pile stuff on stairs etc rathee than take things away.
We now live in a small house. Its easier. In our large house.. we filed ir with 2 much stuff!
I think the bigger tge house ,the more stuff? ( typically)?.. make systems and rountines.. u will get used to it.. its prob the dc stuff too !

rnsaslkih · 31/05/2022 17:50

Drop your standards. Not everything needs to sparkle or be pristine all the time.

Toffeewhirl · 31/05/2022 17:50

The Sweepy app is good for keeping on top of housework. It reminds you when jobs need doing and helps you keep on top of it all so it doesn't get overwhelming.

Oysterbabe · 31/05/2022 17:52

Our cleaner comes once a fortnight and does a top to bottom clean. Obviously we need to clean in between but it helps a lot.