To ask this about child maintenance

[OnlyChangedNameForThis]

Trying to keep this as unemotive as possible and have changed my user name so I can share responses with my ex spouse.

If someone pays child maintenance, is it expected that a chunk of this money be used by the resident parent to pay towards household bills (e.g. gas, electricity, water, rent not covered by housing benefit, food). Or is it OK for it to be spent towards some of these bills and not others?

Not going to say here whether I am the resident or non resident parent as I don't want to affect replies one way or the other

Not suggesting child should be paying bills

In the view of NRP the bills should be the sole responsibility of the RP

And for what it's worth, I don't allocate that money so that it goes specifically on things for DS. It goes all in one pot with my wages, tax credits and child benefit. Once I've paid my bills I spend/save on whatever I see fit. DS does expensive hobbies (horse riding and music lessons) and has everything he needs.

So the NRP is contributing less than £10 a day for heat, light, water, petrol, food, activities, clothes etc etc etc. Plus the cost 24/7 round the clock childcare.
My nursery fees were around that an hour for one child twenty years ago!
Laughable.
If the NRP isn't happy with the way they see the money spent, they are more than entitled to swap roles, or at least do their share and 50/50 half of every week.
Except they won't.

I believed that until you said that the NRP "knows" that the RP would try to "extort" the money from the dc if it was paid directly. You wouldn't say that if you were the RP quoting the NRP. You might say he "thinks" you would extort the money, but you wouldn't say "know" unless you thought it was extortion.

£330 is bugger all in comparison to the actual costs of raising a child with any kind of decent standard of living.

You are so the non resident parent and you sound absolutely clueless.

Well they are but the NRP's maintenance should be contributing to the bills on some of the days.

Don't think £330 a month would cover much for a 16yr old, that's basically an adult in terms of costs. If they are renting it wouldn't cover the extra room. And you'd have to be very careful to get that to cover food, extra on the bills, buses and clothes, certainly no holidays, pocket money or all the expensive tech that teens want. Hopefully the resident parent earns well enough and can make up the substantial shortfall.

Child support is paid until the summer the child leaves Further education. So in my sons case the month before he turns 19. You can pay it directly to the child at 16 but then I would then be going to the CMS and asking for a deductions of earnings.

What the rp does or doesn't do with those funds is nothing to do with the nrp unless the child is in rags. Sleeping in the floor and hungry.

If you have concerns about your child's well being take it up with the appropriate authorities. And buy the bloody shoes.

On what basis. Does the RP not incur additional costs from having the dc in the house? Does the child not take hot showers/baths for instance? Never watch TV or turn the light on? Never use WiFi etc? Why shouldn't the NRP contribute to these costs?

Ffs. What a mess people can make of their lives and those of their children.

Maintenance is for bringing up a child. It gets paid to the RP and they use it to fund whatever is needed whether that’s bills, clothes, food etc.

It’s not pocket money for the child so the NRP would be extremely unreasonable to give it directly to the child.

NRP has offered for DC to move in with them but DC wants to live with the RP

Just recently offered? Or from the date of the split?

Ok the way I see it if the rp receives money for child and the child needs shoes and new coat said needs not wants then that should come first then the remainder into pot for bills ect the rest should also have enough money to pay bills as a roof over thier head is more important

The NRP is incorrect - it’s totally reasonable for the bills of the RP to be included in the maintenance payment.

I’m not surprised they want to stay with the RP - NRP sounds like hard work.

All money goes into household pot... maintenance isn't usually set aside is it to be spent solely on things for the child. Unless it's an absolutely huge amount, most maintenance payments probably don't come close to what the child actually costs.

RP may possibly be quoting what their DC told them...

OK, I'm the RP, but I was trying to get an unbiased opinion in case I show this to my ex...

It sounds like your ex is a tool but at least your child realises too.

Which are you - the exhusband or the exhusband's new girlfriend?

Your ex can spend the maintenance as she ses fit to assist with the costs of raising your child. If that means waiting until next month to buy shoes, so be it. This is NOT your child's money, this is the resident parent's money.

If you do show it to your ex, please tell him from me that he is being an arse.

OK, cross-posted.

OP, your ex is a dick.

What’s the split?

the maintenance works out at £10.85 per day (ish)

In a 3 person household our gas and electric is about £8 per day.

so £2.80 on power

leaves £8.05 for everything else

child is see is 15 and therefore I would presume in bottomless pit stage of eating, so add maybe £3 per day for food?

£5.05 left per day for clothes, toiletries, amusement, shoes, money to go out with friends, I’m assuming there’s a phone to pay for, Wi-Fi, the list goes on.

school uniform while not a monthly expense could account for 2 mo the worth of maintenance, depending on the regulations of the school.

Unless the RP is leaving well beyond their means, meaning the child is in no way benefitting at all then the NrP has no say.

In the view of NRP the bills should be the sole responsibility of the RP

Then the NRP needs to catch themselves on. Clearly a 16 year old is going to increase the usage of electricity, water, food for every day they are with the RP. If the child wasn't there, those bills would be lower. Therefore a % of those bills is to be covered by maintenance.

As far as I see it, CM goes to the resident parent and then it is spent by them however they see fit, for good or bad.

I would not expect an RP to ringfence the £330 you quote in order to purely spend it on only things specifically for the children like clothes, shoes etc rather than put it towards bills which keep a roof over their head. If a child has to wait until next month for new trainers because something more important has cropped up this month, then so be it.

I am not saying that the NRP is on the hook for all extra costs either though, it is up to both households to manage their own finances and also provide what the children need.

I'm not sure our child thinks that about my ex. I hope not anyway - he is their dad after all. I've tried explaining to them that I think their dad is a bit confused about what CM is for.