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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask this about child maintenance

129 replies

OnlyChangedNameForThis · 31/05/2022 16:20

Trying to keep this as unemotive as possible and have changed my user name so I can share responses with my ex spouse.

If someone pays child maintenance, is it expected that a chunk of this money be used by the resident parent to pay towards household bills (e.g. gas, electricity, water, rent not covered by housing benefit, food). Or is it OK for it to be spent towards some of these bills and not others?

Not going to say here whether I am the resident or non resident parent as I don't want to affect replies one way or the other

OP posts:
Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 31/05/2022 17:34

it doesn't matter how much you do or don't work. If you worked full time then childcare would be a cost and I can't imagine the nrp will be bouncing around checking for childcare invoices. Tell them to fuck off (I'm assuming it's a them and you're the rp)

Mumwantingtogetitright · 31/05/2022 17:35

JustLyra · 31/05/2022 17:31

Your “side” of things is very clear after your “own two feet” comment.

Show quote history

The OP might be quoting what has been said to her as the RP. We don't know.

JugglingJanuary · 31/05/2022 17:35

The money is for the RP to 'help' raise the child. They can spend it all as they see fit, no one's business. NO, it does not have to on direct expenses such as new shoes.

it costs money to house, feed, dress, school a child.

some NRP are more reasonable than others and pay more than the minimum they are forced to, understanding that it nowhere near covers what it actually costs to raise a child.

others bitch about needing to buy food for the child at their house EOW because that's what they pay the ex for.

some RP & some NRP take the piss.

Pinksalty · 31/05/2022 17:35

My maintenance comes in and is used to pay the rent. My wages and benefits pay for everything else. It would be ridiculous to move CM to a separate bank account and move money every time I picked up sweets for them, or move some when the gas/electric/council tax/petrol needs paid for.
Some months I’ve had to ask their dad for help if I’ve had big bills etc. If it was something essential for the kids, he’d help.

WooNoodle · 31/05/2022 17:37

It's for whatever the RP wants to spend it on. Morally this much should be spent on the child but this can include somewhere for child to live. As it goes into one pot it's not that simple but basically it's not for the RP to gamble away or spend on fancy shoes for themselves. But if after they have matched it they want to gamble and buy fancy shoes for themselves with their own money that's fine.

Original poster
OnlyChangedNameForThis · 31/05/2022 17:38

The DC will soon turn 16. The NRP would pay them the money direct if they could, but they know the RP would try and extort that money out of them.

OP posts:
MatildaJayne · 31/05/2022 17:40

Extort. Right.

lunar1 · 31/05/2022 17:42

Child maintenance is a minimum. If the child needs shoes and the NRP doesn't agree they should wait until next month then they can buy them.

If a child has a growth spurt it costs a fortune to kit them out again. School shoes, trainers, football boots etc!

MatildaJayne · 31/05/2022 17:42

So the child needs £330 pocket money and household food and bills don’t matter?

Mumwantingtogetitright · 31/05/2022 17:42

OnlyChangedNameForThis · 31/05/2022 17:38

The DC will soon turn 16. The NRP would pay them the money direct if they could, but they know the RP would try and extort that money out of them.

Extort?

Ok, I think you have actually shown your true colours now, I withdraw my previous comment about us not knowing.

Are you the NRP or the NRP's wife? FWIW, it would be inappropriate to pay the child maintenance directly to a 16yo. It isn't pocket money, it is a contribution towards the cost of raising a child. And yes, that may well include household bills, rent, food etc.

BuffaloCauliflower · 31/05/2022 17:42

Your last posts suggests you think the child should have the money direct, so should the child be paying bills in the house?

jamapop · 31/05/2022 17:42

I’m so confused as to what you’re getting at.

The £330 would just add to the total household income. It’s not like it goes in a different pocket.

If there isn’t enough from total household budget from shoes there isn’t enough.

JustLyra · 31/05/2022 17:43

OnlyChangedNameForThis · 31/05/2022 17:38

The DC will soon turn 16. The NRP would pay them the money direct if they could, but they know the RP would try and extort that money out of them.

Extort?

You mean the money they, the NRP, are legally entitled to?

You’re at the wind up now clearly.

Mumwantingtogetitright · 31/05/2022 17:43

Of course, if you want to pay pocket money for the child on top of child maintenance, that's a different matter.

LibertineCapsAndCowboyChaps · 31/05/2022 17:43

OnlyChangedNameForThis · 31/05/2022 17:38

The DC will soon turn 16. The NRP would pay them the money direct if they could, but they know the RP would try and extort that money out of them.

Is blatantly clear that you are the NRP. That money is NOT for the child for pocket money. It should be given to the RP until the child turns 18 or moved out. That money is to cover the NRP share of the cost related to raising a child. Food, rent, utilities etc. It's not pocket money for the child directly, they don't choose what to do with it.

AskingforaBaskin · 31/05/2022 17:44

OnlyChangedNameForThis · 31/05/2022 17:38

The DC will soon turn 16. The NRP would pay them the money direct if they could, but they know the RP would try and extort that money out of them.

So you expect the parents to house the child with zero contribution?

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 31/05/2022 17:44

extor how? By charging them rent? Maybe there rp should match the financial contribution of the nrp and then charge the 16 year old for utilities, rent and leave them to feed and clothe themselves.

Mumwantingtogetitright · 31/05/2022 17:44

BuffaloCauliflower · 31/05/2022 17:42

Your last posts suggests you think the child should have the money direct, so should the child be paying bills in the house?

Gosh, imagine how complicated that would get! Poor kid!

LBOCS2 · 31/05/2022 17:46

There is a cost involved in raising a child. The child maintenance is the bare minimum that the NRP should be giving to support the household that the child lives in.

Added extras should be paid for by the parent who is most able to afford it. Or split. Pocket money is optional; keeping food on the table 5/7 days (or however long the RP has the child for) is not.

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 31/05/2022 17:46

OP are you the 15 year old in question? So your mum won't buy you new trainers & you think it'd be better if you got the money direct from your dad? Except your evil mother would demand you pay for rent & bills rather than let you pocket the lit 😂

Original poster
OnlyChangedNameForThis · 31/05/2022 17:46

I might be the NRP
I might be the RP quoting the NRP
Just want unbiased opinions so I can see whether either party is being unreasonable

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 31/05/2022 17:47

I receive child maintenance of £600pm for one child.

It's absolutely none of my ex husband's business what I spend it on. As long as our child has everything he needs, it doesn't matter. Luckily he's not an absolute dick and wouldn't even dream of asking me what it goes on. He earns a good salary in a job that he couldn't possibly do if he had to do more childcare (I do about 90% of it) so he's more than happy to provide the level of financial support that he does.

Mumwantingtogetitright · 31/05/2022 17:47

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 31/05/2022 17:46

OP are you the 15 year old in question? So your mum won't buy you new trainers & you think it'd be better if you got the money direct from your dad? Except your evil mother would demand you pay for rent & bills rather than let you pocket the lit 😂

Ah, hadn't considered that possibility. Could be!!

LucyLeaseExtension · 31/05/2022 17:48

OnlyChangedNameForThis · 31/05/2022 17:38

The DC will soon turn 16. The NRP would pay them the money direct if they could, but they know the RP would try and extort that money out of them.

Is the child then going to pay a share of the mortgage/rent, water, power, food bills?
the RP has the responsibility of housing, feeding and providing basic clothing.AS DOES the NRP.

if your partner wants their kid to have new shoes on demand, then they need to give additional money to their child.

now can you stop kissing about with the cloak & dagger shit & just say what the actual bloody problem is?

Mix56 · 31/05/2022 17:48

A sixteen year old with that money directly in his sweaty mitts, would be out buying designer trainers, McDo, gaming,
& not consider the hot water or council tax. School lunch/other
The RP has to cover all the costs.

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