Divorced/moved out dads not paying for our children

[FloatyFairy18]

Do any of you have to go through the same as me here... my ex I caught having an affair so kicked him out and divorced him after giving him two chances, which he blew. He subsequently re-married and had another child to add to his now four kids from three different women, latest one already also having two kids of her own

In the Divorce Decree Nisi + Decree Absolut it was cited he had to pay a certain amount for both children until they were 18, he did this for a few years then stopped paying the full amount so I had to get the ludicrously outdated very sexist old fashioned still believing women stay at home being housewives men go out to work nonsense of the CSA at the time, now CMS - he then had a run in with his work and is refusing to work any more making out he can't due to a medical condition (which is all on show for when he leaves the house, but not any other time) and so is on benefits now = so that the CMS can't touch him

Morally he should be paying, he signed the Divorce papers to say so, but some lawyer told me because I had to get CMS involved that wipes out any Divorce payments he is supposed to make for the children

Is this right?

I have tried all sorts of means of getting this sorted but come to a blocked wall each and every time as the government seem blind to what is going on and just by thinking "oh we get child benefits, that will suffice" ... no no no!!! These dads should be paying for their kids no matter what

How can I get him to backpay what he owes (£23K) and going forward to pay monthly what he is meant to be paying without getting solicitors/greedy lawyers/courts involved

These are his children too, why is it expected by him and the government and CMS that I am to somehow find money to clothe, feed, keep them warm general day to day expenses, they live with me but see him every other weekend and 4 weeks holiday periods but he didn't even want that, it is only because child custody had to set things in stone that we had to go down this route thank you to his controlling money grabbing greedy wife, at his all he does is tell them he is paying for them when all he does is spending money on "treats" like sweets/toys/games for the Xbox rubbish etc, but point blankly refuses to pay towards raising them

I know of many "dads" who try to fiddle the system, either claiming they are on minimum wage, can't pay this or that, but paying themselves a lot more whilst living a very nice lifestyle without the CMS knowing, same as my ex who has been on three 10-day holidays abroad in the past 7 months and about to go on another one! I also know of millionaires who have done this to avoid paying for their own children, what is it with these guys that they have a grudge against paying their ex-wives/partners for their own children

I really believe a huge campaign needs to be started her - it needs a petition to go to The Houses of Parliament, we need a massive backing here, the Family Law needs to be changed, the Child Maintenance System NEEDS to be updated urgently and change to benefit us mums, they are so one-sided favouring the dads still, it is ludicrous and most importantly of all a minimum amount of money needs to be set by law that these dads MUST pay each month PLUS THEY MUST PAY IN A CERTAIN SHORT TIME-FRAME ALL THE MONEY THEY OWE IN BACK-PAYMENTS

Who is in to help me here???

"How can I get him to backpay what he owes (£23K) and going forward to pay monthly what he is meant to be paying without getting solicitors/greedy lawyers/courts involved"

You can,t. Only a court can do this. You don't have to use "greedy lawyers" though - you can represent yourself.

Where would this £23k come from if he's unemployed?

I don’t think anyone on here will disagree with this. It’s far too easy for feckless parents to shirk their responsibilities. In my opinion, assets and benefits should be up for grabs if parents don’t pay, as well as harsher punishments such as confiscation of passports.It shouldn’t be down to one parent to support the children.

You will probably never see that money unfortunately. It's an unfair system.

I do think more must be done to make men who can pay pay.

But there's literally no way to make an impoverished unemployed man support his family financially, whether he is married/cohabiting or not. You can't magic money out that isnt there.

I wish there was a better way to stop useless feckers having kids they wont support in the first place.

This nonsense has been going on for many decades. Of course both parents should support their children both emotionally and financially. When it was still CSA I took exh to CSA hearing (a bit like a court but chairman also had accountant advising him as complicated case) on grounds of 'lifestyle inconsistent with earnings declared' Like your ex my exh went on 3 foreign holidays in 1 year, India, Portugal and Turkey for 7 weeks in total. Did not invite sons on any of them. Claimed to be on minimum wage but self employed and doing lots of work not on books. He had to set put his costs to chairperson rent, utilities, council tax, TV licence, Sky TV, phone line, mobile, food, car fuel, pet food, and a few other things. It all came too more than he claimed to earn. Accountant kept demanding where do you get additional money from? She demanded receipts for holidays. She worked out he must be earning up to £25-30k above what was declared as earnings for tax. She informed tax office and I was awarded £325 per month between 2 DC. He was ordered to make back payments too. He owed me about £4k in back missed payments. He was threatened they would take passport off of him. He paid as he could not cope without his holidays.

I quite like an idea where everyone has disclosure record that lists their children and maintenance owing etc.

Anyone who starts a new relationship can look up the individual and see it. If they make a choice to go ahead and have a kid with a useless waste of space who already isnt paying for the kids they have, they are bloody stupid!

It’s horrendous isn’t it. My ex is self-employed and wastes huge amounts of money on ‘treats’ etc and very lavish. However according to cms he is on benefits and therefore pays an absolute pittance whilst outwardly looking like father of the year. Infuriating!

Either you have your wires crossed or you are not in the UK. Decrees Nisi and Absolute do not deal with child maintenance, and it has been outside the remit of the family court to order child maintenance (save by consent) since 1993.

You will most likely never see that money, he will get away with it because men always do. Situations like this happen all of the time. I don’t think children a man chooses to live with who are not his biological children should count in the calculation, it’s just wrong.

My friend has just been through a crap situation with CMS so I’ve heard all about it. She contacted them because he constantly fucked her around with payments and made her ask for it every month to purposely demean her. They reduced his already minuscule monthly payment by £50 a month because they used 2020-2021 tax year when he was furloughed for half a year rather than just using his last pay slip. He’s got a new job and had a 42% pay increase so she told them and they rejected her claim… So now he’s earning almost twice as much and still paying the same tiny amount. She’s taken it to a tribunal which CMS has totally ignored. They’re a joke.

It's my opinion that parents who provide under 50% of the care should be taxed at source for their CMS, and in the cases where they don't earn/don't earn enough, this should come from the State who then pursue the non payer for back dated debt.

Tis a man's club though isn't it, so it'd never happen.

My ex paid nothing the whole time DS was growing up, he buggered off abroad to an EU country to escape payments, then returned when DS was 18 wanting to see "his son".
DS told him to get fucked.
I wish there was a way of suing him for the whole lot so I could give it to DS.
We had to sacrifice so much with just what I was earning and of course it was me that had to go without.

Imo, it's all too easy for men who are self-employed or run their own businesses to hide/disguise their earnings and pay minimal (if any) maintenance.

Two different friends have exes who wound up their companies soon after moving in with their new partners, only for their new partners to start a business in the same field and employ the ex on low pay or very p/t hours, doing exactly the same work they used to do before.

The 2 exes don't know each other, but use the same firm of accountants, which seems fishy to me.

Is he disabled?

Or does he work?

Op gone?

4 children and I don’t get a penny in cm. haven’t in years, makes me laugh when people on here say that “paying cm isn’t a choice” “he will have to pay” etc, err many of us get nothing and there is nothing cms will do about it.

Yes to this, and the points that InChocolateWeTrust makes.
The current situation is a shitshow.

If he owed money on a car and didn't pay, the car would be repo'ed. If he has a debt for child support, you should be able to get the bailiffs to seize items of value (car, sports equipment, hobby items, collections) and sell them at auction to pay support for their children.

These men are fucking bastards. I don’t see why they should be allowed to give up on the responsibilities and leave it to the tax payer to subsidise their fecklessness.

otoh, @FloatyFairy18 yourDC will realise eventually how little regard or care he has for them and he’ll reap what he’s sown.

The whole system is a joke. My ex doesn't have to pay a penny because apparently his income is less than £7 per week.
I'd love to know how he pays his bills and runs a car and 2 motorbikes!

I quite like an idea where everyone has disclosure record that lists their children and maintenance owing etc
Anyone who starts a new relationship can look up the individual and see it. If they make a choice to go ahead and have a kid with a useless waste of space who already isnt paying for the kids they have, they are bloody stupid!

Personally, I don't see the point.
If women choose to have children with these men (and the signs are almost always there, we just don't like to accept/admit it) why is the next woman going to be any smarter? We see what we want to see and he'll have a great reason/justification ready to go 🤷‍♀️

Some of your comments thank you as you are on the same page as me, a few of you there are not getting the point here at all...maybe because you have not found yourself in this position so you do not understand or appreciate what a tough and rough and horrible journey it is, I wouldn't wish this situation on anyone, but try putting yourself in our positions, I'm sure you'd be behind us backing us all the way including all those other men who are getting away scot-free each and every month for years and years and years - sure yes the kids "will appreciate me" so I keep getting told, but it doesn't pay the bills does it...

...because he is taking the pi$$ and driving around in a year old very top of the range car, living in a big house, going on many holidays abroad, he has money besides what benefits he is fraudulently claiming - which works out more than he was being paid - but still not paying for our kids - not even a measly £5 for their school lunches, this is the extent of his greedy selfishness

The more people I get on board here the more levity we have to get something done about this to get it reversed so us mothers do not have to put up with this one-sided system which is very favouring the dads here attitude which is from the dinosaur era as how many "housewives" are there out there now purely relying on their husbands-dear to provide for all the family.... hardly any, those who are will be mainly the lucky ones who don't have to work and unless their partners or husbands leave they would not understand this difficult position I can guarantee at least 85%+ of us single mums are having to go through

Something NEEDS to be done and quickly - the whole CMS needs abolishing and a new updated one needs putting in place - to make these dads back-pay and continue to pay for their own children

My main point, if read properly, was my ex AGREED to pay for the children signed via the Divorce papers so why did I even have to get CMS involved, surely he has breached the Divorce Papers and should still be paying - this is what I need answering also as that is too a fundamental problem which needs resolving

There needs to be a petition given to the Government specifying all that is wrong and all that needs improving, why should us mums sit back and let these dads go off living the life of Riley spending all their money on other things and themselves but refusing to pay towards their own children like they should be - morally it is incredibly wrong, but financially, especially in these crazy nutty climates where the mothers also have to go out and work, WHY is it left just to us mothers to somehow somewhere find money to bring our children up

This is where it needs changing and fast... who's in to help?

Anyone willing to start this petition with me?

The more backing we get the more the Government have to deal with it

Exactly GeorgiaGirl52 - yes they should, that would soon put a rocket up their jacksies

It's so wrong isn't it @BiscoffSundae - bet your ex has moved on too like they all do - claiming they have to pay for their new family so can't afford to pay for our children and you should just "move on" - these guys do not get it, do not deserve to be dads, do not deserve any children and this is where we need us mums to make these mainly predominated MALE MPs to realise exactly what is going on here - they are all blindsided and don't give a monkeys thinking we won't say anything, we'll shrink under a rock, if we keep quiet "it'll go away" NO - we need to FIGHT THIS CORNER NOW

Of course fathers should pay for their children, but mothers should too.

Your posts imply that women are always treated badly within our system, but the reality is that it’s women who get free or subsidised housing for themselves and their children. Men have to provide this for themselves, even though they are also expected to provide a home that is suitable for their children to come and stay in.

I’d much rather fight for a system where free childcare was provided so that both mothers and fathers can provide for themselves and their children. Without the childcare barrier, there wouldn’t be so many mothers reliant on state benefits and whatever their ex’s give them in the first place.

Are you a single mother?