Divorced/moved out dads not paying for our children

[FloatyFairy18]

Do any of you have to go through the same as me here... my ex I caught having an affair so kicked him out and divorced him after giving him two chances, which he blew. He subsequently re-married and had another child to add to his now four kids from three different women, latest one already also having two kids of her own

In the Divorce Decree Nisi + Decree Absolut it was cited he had to pay a certain amount for both children until they were 18, he did this for a few years then stopped paying the full amount so I had to get the ludicrously outdated very sexist old fashioned still believing women stay at home being housewives men go out to work nonsense of the CSA at the time, now CMS - he then had a run in with his work and is refusing to work any more making out he can't due to a medical condition (which is all on show for when he leaves the house, but not any other time) and so is on benefits now = so that the CMS can't touch him

Morally he should be paying, he signed the Divorce papers to say so, but some lawyer told me because I had to get CMS involved that wipes out any Divorce payments he is supposed to make for the children

Is this right?

I have tried all sorts of means of getting this sorted but come to a blocked wall each and every time as the government seem blind to what is going on and just by thinking "oh we get child benefits, that will suffice" ... no no no!!! These dads should be paying for their kids no matter what

How can I get him to backpay what he owes (£23K) and going forward to pay monthly what he is meant to be paying without getting solicitors/greedy lawyers/courts involved

These are his children too, why is it expected by him and the government and CMS that I am to somehow find money to clothe, feed, keep them warm general day to day expenses, they live with me but see him every other weekend and 4 weeks holiday periods but he didn't even want that, it is only because child custody had to set things in stone that we had to go down this route thank you to his controlling money grabbing greedy wife, at his all he does is tell them he is paying for them when all he does is spending money on "treats" like sweets/toys/games for the Xbox rubbish etc, but point blankly refuses to pay towards raising them

I know of many "dads" who try to fiddle the system, either claiming they are on minimum wage, can't pay this or that, but paying themselves a lot more whilst living a very nice lifestyle without the CMS knowing, same as my ex who has been on three 10-day holidays abroad in the past 7 months and about to go on another one! I also know of millionaires who have done this to avoid paying for their own children, what is it with these guys that they have a grudge against paying their ex-wives/partners for their own children

I really believe a huge campaign needs to be started her - it needs a petition to go to The Houses of Parliament, we need a massive backing here, the Family Law needs to be changed, the Child Maintenance System NEEDS to be updated urgently and change to benefit us mums, they are so one-sided favouring the dads still, it is ludicrous and most importantly of all a minimum amount of money needs to be set by law that these dads MUST pay each month PLUS THEY MUST PAY IN A CERTAIN SHORT TIME-FRAME ALL THE MONEY THEY OWE IN BACK-PAYMENTS

Who is in to help me here???

They usually take shares and dividends instead of wages, so bumps up the coffers.

Married friend and husband do this, so they claim benefits, free school meals etc - nice little earner without any effort. Big house, car, etc

Because if they are on benefits ( as he is in this case) they can propose to pay £1 a week

And how would seizing property and cars help the children?

How would they see their dad or stay with him if he had no home? Would op then do all the driving to/from if he has no car?

@Pippainthegarden if you're accusing me of being the kind of woman who believes her EXDP should pay half of the childcare bill that he signed up to, plus CMS for the DC he created, and now sees for 4 nights out of 31 each month, then yes, I absolutely am that woman.

If you had read some of my previous posts, you would have seen I'm completely self-sufficient and don't need his money at all, however that doesn't mean he should be absolved. Fortunately I have the means to be able to pursue him for what he owes.

I'm being purely theoretical here, but I think you would need to criminalise not paying legally due child maintenance and properly enforce it to make this problem go away. And that of course is never going to happen.

But imagine if it did...

@ChiselandBits I have 2 DC with my EXDP, so if his £610 CMS goes to half the childcare (for DC2), it means £110 contribution from EXDP for all other costs for the two children for the month.

I haven't even bothered asking EXDP for any contribution to DC1's wraparound care, which costs me £280 per month.

MyEXDP earns £60k, plus £15k bonus every April.

By hey I'm the one who is money grabbing according to some!

Our current Prime Minister doesn't appear to be able to count how many extra-marital DC he has, no idea whether he's paying for them all, so I'm guessing he'd not support a law which could put him in line for a criminal record.

I’m a single mum. We should definitely have a better child maintenance system, however ultimately many nrp won’t be able to pay much for their children as they don’t have sufficient resources. You do also have an obligation to support your children and if your child’s father doesn’t have any money, there’s nothing you can do about that.

If your children’s father is on benefits, it would be usual that he couldn’t afford to pay. You can’t get blood out of a stone. That being said, you seem to think he does have a source of income- you could apply to the CMS and say he is living an inconsistent lifestyle like a pp did.

All income is taxable and reportable for benefits such as UC. So this doesn’t really mark any sense.

Failure to tackle (usually) men who don’t pay to bring up their children is absolutely SHAMEFUL and resolvable.

THIS is the sort of issue that MN could campaign on?

It doesn’t affect me personally but it affects lots of single mums up and down the country. And a hell of a lot of kids.

Op alluded to her ex being disabled and on benefits so I would think some of his money would be untouchable

I did ask (3 times) but was ignored

Why do we need a 'campaign' when we have the CMS?

Campaign to do what?

I had to get the ludicrously outdated very sexist old fashioned still believing women stay at home being housewives men go out to work nonsense

how does that factor in to the “nrp pays x% of wage”? Cms don’t factor in the sex of an applicant at all, and it would make no difference if you worked or didn’t.

my own experience is it’s even harder to get female nrp to pay. It’s more acceptable as it’s seen as having their kids “taken off them”, and also it’s more acceptable for women to work pt or not work.

dividends have to be declared as income so contrary to popular belief you can’t hide it from HMRC. If they are, it’s tax fraud so report it.

i do think sometimes there is a double standard where the nrp is expected to work and provide money, but if a man said he’d go pt and do 50:50 there’s immediate outrage. Especially if the rp is a sahm- both parents should be out earning and sharing costs and care if at all possible.

as for men giving up work to avoid paying etc, well they’re feckless idiots. I’d be tempted to force 50:50 and focus on my career. He can step up to the parenting plate if he isn’t going to work.

I agree with this though. Parents should be providing for their children and shouldn’t be able to get out of it by claiming to be self employed. It’s unlikely you would get much maintenance from a nmw income anyway though.

This has just reminded me. Someone did a freedom of information request and asked the CMS how many passports they had removed from non-paying parents over the previous 12 months.

zero. Absolutely none

The current CMS debt across the UK is 2.5 billion

The government do not give a flying fuck about you

Given that the Prime Minister sought and maybe still seeks to hide the existence of some of his children, no wonder pursuing maintenance is low in priorities.

@GirlInACountrySong

this is why we need a campaign

single parents are owed £2.5 billion - people need to pay for their children!

A few people have asked. No answer.

How would you force 50/50?
Would you really send your dc off to someone who clearly didn't want them there for half the week?

Would love to know how to force 50/50 since my ex won’t even see the kids and haven’t in 18 months 🤔

I do believe he should offer to have dc 50/50 and you can just go quits on the maintenance in an ideal world and if he’s far better off than you then perhaps it would be nice if he paid CMS and maintenance but really he’s only obliged to pay the maintenance legally

the debt is re-paid post 18....my ex continued to pay via cms until debt was repaid

not ideal but he did have to live

Did the OPs ex not take legal advice during their divorce as no advisor with their salt would allow the agreement to state a fixed set amount in case the ex’s circumstances changed. It usually states can be either fixed proportion/amount or CMS. I’m sure the ex could argue that such an agreement for a fixed amount was unfair and should be over ridden.

In an ideal world I'd be delighted if EXDP offered 50/50 @Pippainthegarden, as it would mean much less stress for me with running around logistics for DC. I'd be absolutely fine with receiving no maintenance in that case, though given we'd both have to cover breakfast and after school clubs, plus nursery fees, it would probably work out the same.

Many men pretend they would love 50/50, but when it comes down to it, EOW suits them much better as they barely see their DC, leaving lots of time for themselves.

any amount in a consent order relating to child maintenacne only stands for 12 months then it reverts to CMS unless the paying parent chooses to continue at the higher amount. The only way this can be altered (I wish I had known this earlier) is if specific things eg school fees are stipulated separately. Courts much prefer a clean break. There are 2 issues.. one is NRPs who easily dodge CMS in various ways and the other is that CMS itself, even when paid "properly" is rarely representative and fair- USUALLY but not always, it is unfair to the RP who has to shoulder a far far greater % than the NRP. But these threads always descend into "whatabouttery" and accusations of "greedy, bitter ex wives" - because its much easier to do that than face the fact of the billions in unpaid CMS, the glaringly obvious disparity between most RPs and NRPs situations (regardless of sex) and the utter inadequacy and unwillingness of those in power to address it.