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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to buy these shoes?

79 replies

DontLookBackInAnger1 · 30/05/2022 19:36

I have a soon to be 4 yr old son who says his favourite colours are pink and purple and he always makes a beeline for rainbows, sprinkles and unicorns.

He wants his next shoes to be rainbow, pink shoes, he says.

I would LOVE to get him the bling-est most special sparkly shoes I can find. But will he be picked on? Will people judge us?

Not starting school this Sept in case that changes things.

Would love to hear if you'd buy very girlie shoes for a young boy?

OP posts:
HillCrestingGoat · 31/05/2022 10:28

My sons fortunately attended a school with a 3 form intake and had a male teacher in every year group. All of them wore pink shirts or pink ties to completely shut down any comments about a colour being for one sex only. There are rules in school about not making comments about someone's appearance unless it is to admire something about them. There were female teachers with short hair and male teachers with man buns. It was a great school.

We have to shut the bullying down. Ds's and his best mate would hold hands crossing the road, whilst me and his Mum held theirs. But best friend's Dad didn't like it, they were 5. Best bit was watching the Dad completely squirm when his son was asking why he couldn't hold his best friend's hand. Lots of parents around to listen. Ds2 held my hand walking to school right into year 6, he said why would I not hold your hand? I love you. It was glorious.

Furrbabymama87 · 31/05/2022 10:46

Let him wear them, as long as it's him that wants them and it's not you that wants him to want them. I'm not saying this is the case with you but I've definitely seen this. Once he's in school he'll only be able to wear black school shoes so other kids shouldn't be an issue.

ladycarlotta · 31/05/2022 10:56

So he's 3? Not even 4 yet? Let him have the shoes. He is still so young and you are going to be by his side the whole time - preschool should making nothing of it too. I get that the world is shitty, it really is, but his is still at least small enough for him to sparkle without fear.

Germolenequeen · 31/05/2022 11:04

Go for it OP.

A few of the four year old boys in the Crèche where I work were all "pregnant" yesterday - they'd stuffed balls under their tops and were loving life - even though it would be "100 years" before their babies were born 😅

I have a lovely memory of my own son and his friends at Playgroup digging in the garden and making mud pies - they were all sporting high heels from the dressing up box as they traipsed backwards and forwards to the tap with their watering cans 🥰

Children don't perpetuate gender stereotypes - adults do 🤷‍♀️

Mally100 · 31/05/2022 11:06

worraliberty · 30/05/2022 23:54

Have you only just discovered Mumsnet?

Parents are mostly absolutely applauded for buying their boys pink/lilac sparkly shoes and dresses. Bonus points if you can send them to school in a Princess dress on World Book Day.

Less bonus points if you buy the same sort of things for your girls (if you have any).

This. Mean while in the real world...

RonObvious · 31/05/2022 11:09

He's 3, no one is likely to say anything. At my son's nursery / pre-school they had a dressing up box full of costumes, and the most popular costume was the Elsa costume. For the girls and the boys. I don't think the whole gender stereotypes thing kicks in until a little later (usually about when they start school).

BackToTheTop · 31/05/2022 12:07

At 4 yes old but him the shoes!

KarmaStar · 31/05/2022 13:36

Let him have them!🦄🦄 allow him to sparkle and shine...do it with him!😀have fun.ignore doubters.life is for living right now 🦄💐🌈

420Bruh · 31/05/2022 13:37

Of course I would, they're just shoes!

Disco2022 · 31/05/2022 13:44

I allowed my 4 year old son to pick his shoes and he chose pink and purple glittery trainers. He hasn't had one bad comment, the boys at nursery love them. He thinks they make him super fast, and he tells anyone that will listen that they are his snazzy shoes. He's very much a Superheroes/Dino lover in all his other clothes so they totally clash, but he loves them and will have years of wearing boring school shoes so why not?

MedusasBadHairDay · 31/05/2022 13:49

DS's favourite colour at that age was pink, the only time we'd say no to items of clothing was if they didn't fit or were impractical. So he wore what he liked, pink or not. He never got picked on for it.

CoastalWave · 31/05/2022 13:51

Meh/ My 8 yr old wears light blue girls sliders. He just likes them. No need to make a big deal out of it. I would tell him they're not suitable for school in the same wear you wouldn't let a girl wear them for school, but otherwise he can wear what he wants surely? Shoes aren't male or female, they're just shoes!

Frenchyfrog · 31/05/2022 13:53

Unfortunately children get judged on lots of things, whether they have the latest fashion, whether they are in second hand clothes, whether they have designer gear. I would hate for my child to judge others, and by telling them they can’t do something because of what other people might think just perpetuates this bullying. There will be many things that your child likes that are not the ‘norm’, better for them to learn how to be happy in their skin. If everyone could wear what they like without being judged, surely everyone would be happier?

Frenchyfrog · 31/05/2022 13:57

bloodywhitecat · 30/05/2022 21:05

My son is 30, he is tall, broad and straight, he wears nail varnish and no-one says a word (except the odd "Cool colour bro" type comment). He often wore his sister's blue ballet tutu as a small child and loved to push her dolls around in a pink buggy, whereas his sister preferred cars and hanging out of trees. I don't think any of that affected who they grew up to be though.

Buy him his shoes, there is plenty of time for him to wear plain shoes that conform to what others think he should wear.

Show quote history

Same. I work with a guy (in a very male dominated, traditionally ‘laddy’ industry), who sometimes wears nail varnish. Nobody says a word, nobody cares.

fireandpaint · 31/05/2022 14:13

Ahh my ds was like that really until very recently (just turned 6). I thought peer pressure would change his preferences when he started school but actually a few of his male friends were the same. I didn't buy him girly clothes/shoes but would paint his nails in the holidays and let him try on makeup etc. The area I live in is quite different to where I grew up and seems to have quite fixed ideas about gender so I would have worried about teasing sadly.

Titsflyingsouth · 31/05/2022 14:19

The whole gendered colour thing is hugely frustrating. My son loves yellow, orange and pink. We have to look hard to find options that are not black, grey, navy or khaki.

itsgettingweird · 31/05/2022 16:03

My ds favourite colour is purple.

He has a purple bag, purple race shorts for swimming, purple water bottle, purple poolside mat, and purple lunchbox with purple thermos.

He's currently wearing a purple polo t shirt.

He's 17 Grin

The only reason gender stereotypes exist is because people buy into them. There aren't male and females colours and what you wear doesn't define you.

Your ds sounds great Grin

toolatetoloseweight · 31/05/2022 19:28

Another thing to bear in mind is that if you don't let him have them, he will want to know why. if you tell him they are for girls or lots of people think they are for girls, then he will likely be the one reinforcing the stereotypes when he sees another boy with something similar. He is 3 - it is an ideal time to wear whatever he likes.And most other 3 year olds are not really at the stage of mocking each other for fashion choices yet

SomePosters · 31/05/2022 19:32

‘He doesn’t have a problem with him having them he just doesn’t want him having issues’

will we ever get past this?

you know what causes issues?

feeling like you’d love to try the sparkly ones and the pretty dresses but everyone either quietly or open disapproves because you’re supposed to be a boy

get him him self defence classes and empower him to speak up for himself while living his best life

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 31/05/2022 19:43

Personally I would let him wear whatever makes him happy, and if anyone is less than lovely about it - I would take them to task. The sooner we start breaking down these ridiculous 'gender' rules the better.

Tiredmummy123456 · 03/06/2022 18:37

Just wanted to revisit this post after my DH and his friend came back from a mountain bike ride across the moors.....this type of endurance sport makes me want to vomit...miles of uphill shite!...anyway....brakes, cogs' gear levers...all pink. The brand is Hope....and apparently pink /purple is the new blue! We all need to chill out a bit!

rnsaslkih · 03/06/2022 18:44

Get him plain white and put some stickers on

Whitehorsegirl · 03/06/2022 18:44

Let him have what he wants. I think you need to look why you are clinging so hard to gender stereotypes... if you don't give your kid the self-confidence to be himself who else is going to do that? you are just playing in the hands of bullies and dinosaurs for being so concerned about a pair of shoes.

Today I went to an art shop and the sales advisor was a young man with long free nails, a beard and he was wearing a skirt. My thoughts were ''good for you!" I think many young people these days are leaving these stereotype nonsense behind and making it easier for everyone just to be themselves.