To refuse to buy these shoes?

[DontLookBackInAnger1]

I have a soon to be 4 yr old son who says his favourite colours are pink and purple and he always makes a beeline for rainbows, sprinkles and unicorns.

He wants his next shoes to be rainbow, pink shoes, he says.

I would LOVE to get him the bling-est most special sparkly shoes I can find. But will he be picked on? Will people judge us?

Not starting school this Sept in case that changes things.

Would love to hear if you'd buy very girlie shoes for a young boy?

DS used to have his own princess dresses and wore hair slides and sparkly nail polish at that age. He still wears pink sometimes but has dropped all other 'girly' clothes. Not through any peer pressure that I'm aware of, he just gradually drifted towards 'boy' things. I'd say just enjoy watching your DS's happy little face when he gets his lovely new shoes.

So sad this is still an issue. I have 3 daughters so don’t have the experience of having a son who likes ‘girly’ things but I do have a daughter who likes ‘boys’ things and it’s actively encouraged. How unfair is that?
Both on little boys & girls.
Personally there’s nothing I like more than seeing a child be unapologetic themselves. I wouldn’t just allow it I would actively encourage it. & if anyone said anything I would call them out confidently in front of my child.

Buy them, it will be absolutely fine. DD is in year 1 and there's a boy in her class who wears girls clothes all the time, skirts and dresses. None of the kids give a shit. I'd be surprised if any kids notice beyond 'wow, cool shoes!'

Get them. Tell him some people may say mean things about it so that he's prepared. But tell him he should wear whatever he likes.

My youngest loved princess dresses and all things sparkly. He had his hair really long until he was almost 12. Once he had it cut (to donate to charity) he kept it short and has given up his sparkly things. He got the odd remark made now and then but most people he knew accepted it and strangers presumably assumed he was a girl so it was fine. Definitely buy the sparkly shoes.

Small child likes bright, sparkly stuff shocker...... It's no wonder, is it, that a four year old prefers the sparkly stuff to drab brown, black and grey. I wish the gender ridiculousness that relates to clothes and toys would just bugger off.

Buy the shoes your son wants. Don’t squash his personality because of what others may or may not think.

My son is 30, he is tall, broad and straight, he wears nail varnish and no-one says a word (except the odd "Cool colour bro" type comment). He often wore his sister's blue ballet tutu as a small child and loved to push her dolls around in a pink buggy, whereas his sister preferred cars and hanging out of trees. I don't think any of that affected who they grew up to be though.

Buy him his shoes, there is plenty of time for him to wear plain shoes that conform to what others think he should wear.

Ah from around 3-5 my DS loved pink, rainbows and glitter. His favourite shoes were sparkly pink converse. Once he re-started school properly after lockdown (year 1) he started liking more plain clothing instead of patterns and rainbows and saying things were 'boy' or 'girl', which I found very sad. I've explained he can have any colour/toy/whatever he likes and things aren't just for boys or girls, but I suspect there's too much peer pressure even at this young age. I'd just keep on encouraging your dc to have what he likes for now, but by school age he might start wanting to fit into the more stereotyped 'boy' colours and styles. My DS still loves pink but prefers it to be more plain now - luckily eBay/fruit of the loom is fine for his plain pink tees!

My son when young had pink PJs ,loved delicate scents and flowers and always wanted Lelly Kelly shoes but his feet didnt fit them so he couldn't have them.He's now in his 20s and has come out as being 'female' and has always felt female from being a toddler. I look back and he/she always preferred to have same things as his sister .You are what you are and I still don't think it has any bearing on what you played with or wore as a child as my daughter wore masculine stuff and now she loves her pretty dresses.I couldn't care less as long as all my children are happy ,the only thing is I keep getting the gender and new name wrong as hard habit to break after calling your child a name for 20 odd years !

You need Skechers Twinkle Toes. People wouldn't bat an eyelid at these if you think it will make him fit in better - www.skechers.co.uk/kids/girls-shoes/twinkle-toes-twi-lites-2.0---unicorn-galaxy/314439L_PKMT.html

I’d buy him the shoes.
my son was similar at that age. It was beautiful. However he soon lost it and ended up only liking very stereotypically boy thing, after he started school.

Nobody’s going to notice or care that a preschooler is wearing pink shoes. I’ve worked in nurseries and preschools for years and kids that age generally don’t really care what others are wearing. They might say something like ‘James has girl shoes on’ but the nursery teacher will probably say ‘yes James has fun sparkly shoes doesn’t he’ then it will just be accepted. And when he’s old enough to be in school he’ll be wearing plain black school shoes like everyone else. I really wouldn’t make too much of a ‘thing’ of it.

My sons favourite colours are pink and purple too. He cried when his sister got given a pink sparkly unicorn and he was given a wolf toy from my SIL (his sister didn't care either way so they swapped and the unicorn is now pride of place on his bed).

I'd be happy with buying these kind of shoes for outside of school and if he also had another plainer pair. I do think other parents are less judgmental than they used to be!

I also think you’re kind of putting a lot of old fashioned thoughts/impressions on it. I don’t imagine a man wearing nail polish would get ‘loads of abuse’ nowadays. It’s actually kind of boring/humdrum now.

My kids only wanted the stereotypical clothes at that age but if they had wanted traditional other sex colours etc I would have bought it for them

Have you only just discovered Mumsnet?

Parents are mostly absolutely applauded for buying their boys pink/lilac sparkly shoes and dresses. Bonus points if you can send them to school in a Princess dress on World Book Day.

Less bonus points if you buy the same sort of things for your girls (if you have any).

They're ingrained because 'we' perpetuate them even if it's subconsciously. Please get him the shoes he wants. My DS had purple glitter frozen wellies at that age and wore them come rain or shine.

I refused to get my primary aged son a pink glitter kitten lunch box as I was worried he would get teased. I regret it but I'm pretty sure the other boys would have said something. Your son is tiny though so get him what he likes.

He's four. Just let him have the shoes he wants.

As he gets older, what would you prefer?

That he goes through life being utterly miserable and doing/wearing things he doesn't like, just to fit in, feeling like he's pretending to be a different person every day because his real self is somehow wrong/unacceptable?

Or would you prefer him to get the occasional shitty comment and for him to be able to confidently deflect it?

I personally would absolutely want the latter for any child, not the former. Teach him to be confident in himself. Don't teach him that the most important thing in life is to avoid ever standing out.

My son had bright pink trainers when he was 4 and honestly, hand on heart, no one ever commented on them except his nursery teacher who said 'ooh snazzy new trainers' or something similar. I was a bit worried but genuinely nobody cared or noticed.

They looked like this sort of thing. If anyone noticed or 'judged' (judged what?) they never said a word 🤷‍♀️

Let kids be kids and let him choose what he wants. But help him grow a thick skin and be confident with his choices. He will be confident if you are

Its easier said than done though. That’s like saying people who are left traumatised after being bullied just need a thicker skin. It’s a lot asking a four year old not to get upset at nasty comments.

Personally I would compromise. There are a lot of boys sports trainers with pinks and purples in them. Yes in an ideal world we can all do and where what we want, but we don’t live in one.

What about house shoes? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Trying to fit into a mould that the supposed masses just about approve of (and even then they’ll find something else to criticise) is not healthy, at any age. Let him wear pink trainers, and help him understand that people who judge him for that are being ridiculous and aren’t worthy of a second thought.