People who talk too much

[Chataholic]

(I’m one of them), can we be rehabilitated?

This.

Does the recipient match your energy or are they just being polite?

I'm a quiet person, I like quiet. I don't like being talked at. I like having conversations but I like it to be mutual, not having my ear bent in a situation I will likely force myself to stay in because I'm non confrontational.

Then why not do something about it? why not say something?

On the other thread, Zenlife gave a good post re lessons on boundaries, how to approach somebody about this in three stages. Sounds very sensible.

I guess it’s because tidy and quiet people don’t actively impinge on others the way overly chatty and messy people do.

If an area is tidy, it doesn’t affect a messy person. But a messy and untidy area will affect most people. Same with someone who talks excessively. It’s tiring and boring, and if you don’t want to listen/can’t get a chance to talk it’s frustrating. Whereas if someone is quiet you can then start a conversation if you want to.

Like the quiet person isn’t actively taking away someone else’s chance to speak. While the person who doesn’t stop talking is doing exactly that.

I love people who talk "too much". I means I don't need to 😆

@Kanaloa it's not quite that simple though. People who are very quiet and reserved can make others feel uncomfortable. Which is no-one's fault, obviously - this being AIBU I feel I need to spell that out - it's just one of those things. I agree with the poster above, this shouldn't be a moral issue, it's just about clashing communication styles.

Babbling away like a demented kettle so that people actually have to interrupt you to get a word in is rude.

I really don’t see it that way. Obviously if you’re sullen/refuse to communicate then that will make people uncomfortable. But just not being chatty/being a bit quiet I think isn’t as irritating in a social situation as someone who actively pushes themselves on you with constant talking and no social awareness. You can ignore a quiet person but you can’t ignore a talker.

Sorry that was a reply to @HarlanPepper. I personally just find those who talk incessantly much ruder than someone who is quiet. It’s like they just want to hear the sound of their own voice and are only interested in what they’ve got to say with no thought for how boring it is to everyone else.

I have a garrulous friend who I like immensely, though it is quite hard to get a word in edgeways at times. She isn't actually a loud person, and I find loudness more annoying - so she doesn't take over in a group, she just talks a lot one to one.

I did a course with someone who just took over every situation where we students were able to speak with loud comments and opinions. She even admitted it was insecurity but it was still bloody annoying.

Exactly. Half of the art of conversation is listening and you can’t talk and listen at the same time.

Do you listen to others or just barrel on monologuing?

Chatty people make good company. I love people who are just open and friendly - I'm trying to be more like that.

But there are people who talk a lot but are annoying.

Like has been said, not picking up on social chores when others are bored. Talking a lot about holidays, family/friends that the other person doesn't know, tv and movies they haven't watched. It's not much fun when a person talks and can't perceive when the conversation has died.

I can be guilty of this but over the years have become much better on self awareness and usually manage to recognise it happening then will pull back
My job involves a lot of talking though so at other times I’m all ‘talked out’ and can be very quiet at home

Having had a 'chatty' house guest this weekend, I can tell you op it was bloody exhausting and annoying. She will not ever be invited back!

She was also one of those people who talk over and interrupt you too. Hopefully op, you are more sensitive and pick up cues when people are switching off.

I asked a coworker if I talk too much and he said yes, but: he likes it, I’m a natural comedian, the conversation meanders in a way he finds pleasing etc etc. He said lots of encouraging things but is a kind person so I’ll survey more people.

There are many reasons why people talk too much, often it is insecurity. However, a real conversation is about getting to know the other person more deeply and sharing our life stories, not chuntering on endlessly about your third cousin removed, whom your interlocutor has never met - that is just boring.

Asking coworkers if you are too chatty and having a whole conversation about it is really something that only a chatty person would do 😂

And then report back that they’re a natural comedian too

I'm a talker. Someone at work last week told me I was boring them. I'm enjoying telling them they're boring me every time they open their mouth this week. They actually are boring me, they're deathly dull and I've tolerated it for years.

I strongly suspect I have ADHD. I annoy myself talking too much, let alone those around me!!

🤣🤣🤣

Yes, I was one, but it takes effort.

A lot of my colleagues talk FAR too much. It's incredibly annoying being stuck in a room with people who just don't shut up. Drives me crazy. Roll on retirement so I can finally get some peace and quiet. I think I will escape to little cottage by the sea and become a hermit.