People who talk too much

[Chataholic]

(I’m one of them), can we be rehabilitated?

If you know that you talk too much, then you can choose to do something about it.

Nothing more annoying than someone hogging the conversation, interrupting, never letting people finish a story...

I’m a dreadful chatterbox. I will strike up a conversation with anyone. DH barely speaks and finds this a deplorable aspect of my personality, however, if he spoke to me more then I wouldn’t leap on harmless passersby for interaction, would I?

Please be understanding of irritating natterers. Sometimes we are starved of human interaction and get overexcited when it happens.

@yayayayayaya i do this too!

I’ve also recently just realised how bad it’s become. So I am really really trying hard to “fix” it. It’s become a bit of an issue at work for me, but I do have an ADHD diagnosis so that’s why I do it. Still being aware is a start.

This!

**Benjispruce4 · Today 20:47

I’m quite chatty but I’m very aware of others and pick up in their body language. I find it easy to start conversations with random dog walkers, checkout staff etc. I’m interested in people It’s odd really as I was always a shy child.**

Meet your sister 😅

I talk too much. I am the only adult in my house and I think I just crave adult conversation. Once I start I can't stop! 😂

If its an actual two way conversion, lovely but I once worked with someone who spoke non stop about herself, and only herself. It was mentally draining for anyone on the receiving end of her monologues.
I think she found silence awkward and just kept rambling on .

I guess the alternative is being a good conversationalist. I find many people I meet either like to monologue or do what I call ‘waiting listening.‘ As in, they’re listening and saying yeah yeah yeah but clearly they’re really just waiting for a spot to interject what they have to say.

Good conversation flows between two people, with each person actively listening to what the other is saying. One person having verbal diarrhea is more of a podcast and listener relationship, not a good conversation.

My colleague is a talker. If she's not talking, to is, she's talking on the phone, making 2 minute conversations, last for 10/15 minutes. When she's not talking she singing, if she's not singing, she's usually huffing and puffing, if she's not doing that, she's slamming drawers loudly.

The noise is constant. It's exhausting to endure sometimes.

People talk at and to me all day at work, people from the broadest imaginable range of circumstances and countries and often completely different worlds. Extremes of privilege and privation and everything in between. It’s a form of mental acrobatics to move from one to the other, it’s fascinating and I love it but also love bouts of silence at home to recharge. So I probably do get it, yet occasionally don’t feel fully in control when socialising with new people. It’s an impulse that’s hard to override. I could definitely improve in this area if I knew how.

If you witter, then there's a special place in hell and all that.
If you are a jolly, enthusiastic type who drives the conversation, then marvellous, as long as you know not to deliver constant monologue and are able to listen.

This is a fascinating thread for me. I’m introverted and like my own company and I’d happily not talk to anyone all day, yet in social situations I do often talk too much and overshare and I hate it. I don’t know why I do it and even worse, despite decades of knowing I’m like this and resolving not to do it, it happens again and I beat myself up afterwards.

I would much rather the other person led the conversation so if I meet a talker then I’m happy and can take a step back! Or sometimes there are very naturally socially skilled people who just put me at ease and lead the way. Otherwise I turn into awkward gabbler. Urgh I hate it so much because I don’t even know who this gabbling person is or where she comes from - it’s the opposite of what I see as my actual personality IYSWIM.

You really can't though.
One of my colleagues witters on ALL day. It makes it incredibly difficult to concentrate on doing work. She's utterly oblivious to how disruptive she is. Minimal responses or interaction on my part make no difference.

It's absolutely fine to be chatty in the appropriate setting. But it needs to be done with some self awareness.

I would much rather spend my time with a friendly chatty person than someone that doesn't contribute anything and makes any occasion stifled and awkward.

Go you and be your chatty self op! I am sure you have lots of friends and affection from others.

Empty vessels make most noise!

Depends what you talk about. One of my friends does not draw breath. I make sure I only see her if I’m in the frame of mind to go along with it 😂 Having said that, once I picked her up and thought “oh shit, I can’t be doing with this today”, but within 20 mins her insane happy chatter got me out of whatever grumpiness I was feeling.

MIL, on the other hand, doesn’t stop talking shit about her friends and neighbours. I think she literally hates them all and I can’t stand her negativity 🤦🏼‍♀️

I like chatty people, but it depends on context! I'm about to go away with two of the most chatty people I know (in laws) and to be honest, I'm dreading it. I'm so tired at the moment that the thought of their non stop chatter (they are also v bossy and controlling) is tiring me out. I know they mean well and it's not their fault, and I probably irritate them by being quite different from them, but sometimes it's nice to have a little peace..

(I have noticed that some chatty people who are very OTT with it struggle a bit to pick up on social cues, and for some v chatty people I know, there is a link with also being bossy and controlling. I think there's a difference between being chatty (which is generally nice, and most chatty people I know are lovely to be around, especially if the chatty person knows when it's appropriate to stop chatting), and very OTT chatty people who don't know when to stop.

I am a fellow Excessive Talker. I only realised this since I had DS(7) who would also talk the hind leg off a donkey. I now understand how draining it is and how you need to give people's ears and brain a rest, and I am making a conscious effort to shut up occasionally.

However people who don't talk enough are just as bad in my view

I've always seen people who chat like that to be nervous? Filling the gaps because of afraid of silence maybe? Not meaning to sound judgemental at all.
Personally I love chatty people because I think I'm a bit too serious, and wish I had a bit more social fizz like that.

I don’t know if quiet people are as ‘bad’, I suspect it’s like the tidy v untidy. The tidy and quiet ones seem to occupy a higher moral level for some reason, they are just more socially acceptable traits.

I think it really depends. I can be very talkative myself but I like back-and-forth conversations, where you're both sparking off each other. And then other times I have hardly anything to say for myself at all and much prefer to listen. I usually like it when others are talkative and I'm happy to take a back seat, but I did use to have one colleague who used to make me feel on the verge of a panic attack sometimes because she just would. not. shut. up. And she was immune to non-verbal and sometimes even verbal cues.

The weird thing is I’m not afraid of silence, I love silence. I don’t mind not chatting. But somehow if I’m in a situation where I’m expected to chat, I turn into the incredible gabbling woman.

it just makes me more introverted because I can’t trust myself!

I quite like it when the other person is very OTT or indiscreet as it takes the focus off me. I went to a work party thrown by a client and was sat next to this very pissed woman who was yammering on loudly about how sexy the CEO was and how someone she knew had shagged him. That was great I just thought “phew you’re the one who’s going to going to remember this conversation with horror not me”

Constant talking is a sign of a adhd. It's one of the reasons it gets missed in girls (look carefully at those daydreamers or chatterboxes).
I
I'm a talker. I distinctly remember teaching myself, when younger, to ask people questions and to stop talking, even when I really, really wanted to continue. Sometimes I get talking jags, where I really struggle to stop and it's like a tidal wave. I exhaust myself. But I don't want to be a twat either.

I have a friend, who has so many adhd traits (and has had since childhood) I can't understand why she won't get diagnosed. She.does. not. Stop. Talking. To the point where I'm not sure I can cope with her anymore. Any social gathering is just dominated by a series of stories. And she can always top your story.

The thread that CruCru linked was very interesting. That OP said she didn't want solutions. But she's in denial, because She should be looking for solutions really. the fact is her mother-in-law is almost basically abusive and her daughter is already putting her hands over her ears. why op would allow that relationship to continue and damage be done to her daughter by not standing up to the mother in law is questionable. By doing nothing, it gives the daughter the impression that she has to put up with this kind of behaviour which is not what we should be projecting to our daughters.