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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Snapchat streak with an ex

89 replies

MiauuMiauu · 30/05/2022 12:07

I split up with my ex nearly 3 years ago after being together for 6 years and have a DS age 3 together. He cheated on me with his current partner and now they are expecting a baby. I completly moved on, I've been dating and had couple of relationships myself but nothing too serious. Despite the fact that ex cheated on me we get on and i see it as being mature. Even thought breakup was really though and i felt betrayed at the time but looking at it from where i am in life now i think it was for the better.
We've always used snapchat as main communication form to send pics and videos of DS, even when i found out he cheated on me i carry on sending him pics and videos of his child (ex was asking for it as well) so our snapstreak got quite high as we have been doing it everyday for few years. His partner is fine about it as well, no problem there.
I've been seeing someone for 6 months now and i've been honest about it but he literally said that its him or my ex and the snapstreak so my question is have i completly lost touch with the reality and AIBU or is he overreacting a little bit? There is completly nothing between ex and myself, i do not find him attractive at all which i told my current partner and snaps are ONLY of our child.

OP posts:
KettrickenSmiled · 31/05/2022 13:24

thenarcissisticlife.com/narcissistic-injury/

Newestname002 · 31/05/2022 20:10

@MiauuMiauu

My question is do they ever change and stop being controlling or do things just go from bad to worse?

In my experience, this is the template for who they really are. This one's only been with you for a short time and he's already showing his true, nasty colours. Thank goodness it's now and not when you are entangled financially or with a shared child...

Newestname002 · 31/05/2022 20:17

My goodness, @KettrickenSmiled

You're on a bit of a roll!! 🎲

user7637293 · 31/05/2022 20:26

What Confused

Why can't you send photos to ex on WhatsApp?

user7637293 · 31/05/2022 20:27

What is so important about your Snapstreak that you can't give up?

I struggle to think you're in your 30s like me Confused

KettrickenSmiled · 31/05/2022 20:31

arrrrgh @Newestname002 in a good way i hope?!😂

Itloggedmeoutagain · 31/05/2022 20:41

You communicate how you like
Get rid of him!

JenniferPlantain · 31/05/2022 20:51

SandrasAnnoyingFriend · 30/05/2022 12:11

2 seperate things.

  1. Anyone that issues ultimatums like that is a controlling dick. Ditch this one
  2. It's a bit of an odd way of communicating with an ex and reeks of immaturity as you seem to be most concerned about maintaining your streak. Switch to something less chatty and informal to put better boundaries in place for the sake of you future relationships.

Perfectly put.

Newestname002 · 31/05/2022 22:21

KettrickenSmiled · 31/05/2022 20:31

arrrrgh @Newestname002 in a good way i hope?!😂

Definitely!! 😀

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 31/05/2022 22:43

Op I agree with other that you should end the relationship by text.

He has no right to have control over your communication about your child, and especially has no right to try and control it by manipulation and threats of a break.

some seem focused on the use of Snapchat to communicate. In my eyes that’s irrelevant. You’re an adult and can communicate with your ex through whichever means works for you. He had a chance to manage his suspicion/ worry in an adult manner. Instead he chose to, after only being with you for a few month, control how you communicate by manipulation.

if you don’t end it now I fear you’ll be sucked into YEARS of this shit. Decent partners don’t act like this.

Original poster
MiauuMiauu · 01/06/2022 12:55

@KettrickenSmiled Yes I know you are right 🙈everything you've pointed out makes total sense and I think I already can see a slight pattern as well! It's very subtle small stuff like he doesn't really like me wearing gym leggings out in public, or when I have a little bit more make up because apparently I am making an effort for someone else 🤔
I thought BF being the way he is was more to do with him feeling insecure and not good enough as apparently "I can find better, more attractive " etc. etc. that's what he kept and keeps saying, but it’s probably more to do with the fact that when he says that I try to reassure him and "correct" my behaviour...I am mind blown that I didn't really see it!!

@Whowhatwherewhenwhynow I don't tell BF how to communicate with his ex or how often and through what app or social media he should be doing so.
If I’ve got this problem now it's not going to go away so better do it now rather than later down the line when it’s going to be harder so thank you everyone for helping me see the light! Dumping is going to happen and it’s going to be over text!

OP posts:
Original poster
MiauuMiauu · 01/06/2022 12:56

I also never had that problem before with anyone that i've dated prior to BF that's why I questioned myself

OP posts:
Itloggedmeoutagain · 01/06/2022 13:13

MiauuMiauu · 01/06/2022 12:55

@KettrickenSmiled Yes I know you are right 🙈everything you've pointed out makes total sense and I think I already can see a slight pattern as well! It's very subtle small stuff like he doesn't really like me wearing gym leggings out in public, or when I have a little bit more make up because apparently I am making an effort for someone else 🤔
I thought BF being the way he is was more to do with him feeling insecure and not good enough as apparently "I can find better, more attractive " etc. etc. that's what he kept and keeps saying, but it’s probably more to do with the fact that when he says that I try to reassure him and "correct" my behaviour...I am mind blown that I didn't really see it!!

@Whowhatwherewhenwhynow I don't tell BF how to communicate with his ex or how often and through what app or social media he should be doing so.
If I’ve got this problem now it's not going to go away so better do it now rather than later down the line when it’s going to be harder so thank you everyone for helping me see the light! Dumping is going to happen and it’s going to be over text!

Just reading this in my gym leggings before I go out!
Best of luck with the text OP

KettrickenSmiled · 01/06/2022 13:21

OP, the insanity of a relationship with a jealous & possessive man usually starts with "but I'm insecure! So your mascara is an ISHOO!"

It then escalates, as previously described ...

It is SO manipulative to use one's own emotions as a tool to control other people's behaviour with. We see it here all the time - e.g. women justifying forensic levels of illegal phone snooping by "but my ex cheated on me so I am INSECURE! It's ME who is the victim here!" & refusing to see their own sneaky, manipulative, & controlling behaviour.
The solution to one's "insecurity" is to get help & work hard on addressing it - not to demand that other people turn themselves inside out to appease you.

It's great you are mulling over he "pattern" & realising you can spot it too now.
Once you've seen it - you don't unsee it. So well done for posting: good instincts, & what a great learning experience.

Dumping is going to happen and it’s going to be over text!
😂😂😇
This is fantastic news! - I didn't want to have to get the Voodoo dolls out.

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