Snapchat streak with an ex

[MiauuMiauu]

I split up with my ex nearly 3 years ago after being together for 6 years and have a DS age 3 together. He cheated on me with his current partner and now they are expecting a baby. I completly moved on, I've been dating and had couple of relationships myself but nothing too serious. Despite the fact that ex cheated on me we get on and i see it as being mature. Even thought breakup was really though and i felt betrayed at the time but looking at it from where i am in life now i think it was for the better.
We've always used snapchat as main communication form to send pics and videos of DS, even when i found out he cheated on me i carry on sending him pics and videos of his child (ex was asking for it as well) so our snapstreak got quite high as we have been doing it everyday for few years. His partner is fine about it as well, no problem there.
I've been seeing someone for 6 months now and i've been honest about it but he literally said that its him or my ex and the snapstreak so my question is have i completly lost touch with the reality and AIBU or is he overreacting a little bit? There is completly nothing between ex and myself, i do not find him attractive at all which i told my current partner and snaps are ONLY of our child.

He's 'showing you' he's serious about his ultimatum and is fully expecting you to crack and miss him so much you'll cave.

Exactly this. Surprise him and block him permanently. No need to give this idiot any more of your energy. 🌹

😂😂😂
You're not thick by a long chalk OP!
You are smart, assertive & competent.

What will happen after a month - if you are daft enough to comply with this insane diktat - is that he will feel he has triumphed.

He doesn't want a month 'off' - he wants obedience. As he didn't get it, he has changed the goalposts so that he can keep his little ego intact with a pretence that he is still calling the shots.
Read that again - changed the goalposts - NOT his attitude.

He will expect you to spend a month worrying about Your Behaviour Young Lady & desperate to win him back with shows of contrition & compliance.
Meantime he'll be on dating apps or otherwise shagging around because We Were On A Break, also because see ego comment above, plus punishing you.

He will test you again & again, with the tactics I pointed out upthread.
I think you should tell him he's hilarious, point out you are laughing AT him, not WITH him, & fuck him off permanently.

YABU why are you sending him pictures everyday?

Why is it any of your business?
Are you the STBX b/f?

That will be a break so you can miss him terribly, change your mind, stop sending your ex pics of your shared child and get yourself into line like a good girl…

It’s testing your resolve. Don’t fall for it.

He’s a hypocrite given his contact with his ex about their child. It’s not about him feeling uncomfortable or anything like it. It’s sheer control, as your gut is telling you.

@ATadConfused I sent pictures and videos of DS to his father everyday without a fail. DS is machinery (diggers,tractors you name it) and trucks mad so ex is sending pictures of machines/trucks as he is a truck driver and videos of himself for my son to see. Ex has DS EOW and sometimes one night in a week but after DS is back home he misses his dad a lot so thats why ex is sending videos of himself but i open the snaps when i am with DS because the snaps are for him....I told DP that as well.

I am exactly the same with ultimatums, there is more chance i would of gone for some kind of compromise if DP would of spoke to me about it first instead of throwing his dummy out.

The fact the he's given you this ultimatum is a red flag that shouldn't be ignored.

It's obvious from what you've said that your boyfriend would be just as annoyed if you were using WhatsApp or Messenger or even just texting - it's not the fact that it's Snapchat he's worried about, he just doesn't want you staying in regular contact with your ex. He's being a controlling dickhead and you are completely right to see this as a red flag.

You have a civil relationship with the father of your child and you send each other pictures of your child so neither of you feels like you're missing out when he's with the other parent. Your boyfriend shouldn't have a problem with that. If it makes him feel a bit jealous, so be it - but he should keep those feelings to himself. He certainly shouldn't be giving you an ultimatum to stop friendly contact with someone you have a child with.

I can understand why he'd initially feel weird about Snapchat, but it's clear that isn't really his issue. The hypocrisy would piss me off too and it just highlights how controlling and immature he is.

This is exactly how I feel, like i am missing out when my child isn't with me so when ex sends snaps of DS i can see how excited DS is and that he is enjoying himself.

DP said previously something like "I was still in love with my ex when he cheated on me" and i get he is probably jealous and threated but ex cheated on me and there is nothing worse anyone can do to another person in relationship! I am being friendly with my ex because its mature thing to do and its just so much easier to get on regarding our DS.

I don't want to be with my ex and ex doesn't want to be with me either that is clear, but the fact that DPs ex still wants to be with him (they've been together 10 years and have DD7 ) even tho she knows that he is seeing someone but i am not making a big deal out of if with them being in contact everyday.

the fact that DPs ex still wants to be with him (they've been together 10 years and have DD7 ) even tho she knows that he is seeing someone but i am not making a big deal out of if with them being in contact everyday.

The double standard is the mark of the abusive personality OP.
Have you ditched him yet?

@KettrickenSmiled
"He doesn't want a month 'off' - he wants obedience. As he didn't get it, he has changed the goalposts so that he can keep his little ego intact with a pretence that he is still calling the shots.
Read that again - changed the goalposts - NOT his attitude."
That's actually really spot on! There always is going to be something that he won't be happy about...and i think his problem with my relationship with an ex will never change, he will always feel jealous.

@KettrickenSmiled He just can't see it tho 😵DP says that he fell out of love with his ex so thats alright but my ex cheated on me so apparently that means nothing.

I will have to ditch him

I'd be weird about this because i'd be suspicious of why my partner was using snapchat and not whatsapp or whatever.

don't you find you need to read back conversations for plans etc.? or want to keep pictures?

seems an odd way of communicating unless you didn't want the history saved so even though youre genuine i can see why your partner is suspicious.

ultimatums are shit though...

ah okay i've caught up. yeah, ditch him

Don't kid yourself - he can see it all right.

He just doesn't care. Nobody gets to tell HIM what to do - it's his job to issue the orders. It's his job to Keep His Woman In Line.

Please send a very scathing dumping text, & report back
(joke - you don't owe me or PP anything here, I'm just raging for you!)

Why are you calling this man your partner? You’ve been together a wet week. This isn’t a partnership. She sounds weird and controlling- I wouldn’t have let him get to boyfriend stage.

A boyfriend of 6 months thinks he gets a say on who you have contact with? Pass.

This sounds lovely tbh fairplay to both of yous🙌

you can save conversations on snapchat by tapping on the msgs and you can also save snaps in chat

@MiauuMiauu

it sounds lovely for your DS & frankly that's what really matters.

I wasn't questioning you & your Ex sending photos of yourselves, I was just trying (because I don't use snap chat, or understand streaks! Unless across a football field!!) to understand if you were sending Ex photos when he had DS with him & wondering if that was bothering your DP (a title he doesn't deserve so early on!! IMO)

It really doesn't matter though. He's being a hypocritical controlling arse & I do hope you do as you've said you will & ditch him!

you're worth more than this!!

@MindYourHeadDoggy @BadNomad you absolutely right!
DP has no right to be demending anything off me. I don't see anything wrong with me getting on with my ex and being civil. Yes he cheated on me and i felt like a mug for a bit but thats my decision how i want to proceed with things regarding DS and his dad.

@KettrickenSmiled I am glad I've posted here because when you are in the situation you don't see red flags as cleraly as someone from outside so thank you all for taking your time to post.
My question is do they ever change and stop being controlling or do things just go from bad to worse?

@ATadConfused Thank you, its really nice to see that i am not being unreasonable here.

DP is still talking about break 😂I will tell him when I see him (probably today) as sending just a text message doesn't sit with me right.

My question is do they ever change and stop being controlling or do things just go from bad to worse?

Yikes - get off that merrygoround, it will do you a mischief!

Controlling behaviour isn't a phase or a fad.
It follows a distinct pattern - look up "the cycle of abuse".
Obviously controlling people don't show their hand early on or nobody would date them.
The control tends to ramp up over time, often accompanying significant 'partner events' like cohabitation, getting engaged, married, having DC.

It always escalates - even when there has been a period of respite in the "Idealise" phase.
The abused partner begins to minimise her abuse. Essentially, she is somewhat deadened to it, so sometimes he will need to do 'more' in order to regain his sense of control.
So it might start out with "oh but you look so nice in the blue dress"
move onto
"I thought you'd wear the blue?" & "I told you I prefer you in the blue" to
"why are you wearing the yellow dress it shows too much xyz"
then
"you chose the yellow dress again, obviously you are trying to pick up other men"

Eventually, she just stops wearing the yellow dress. Because it's not worth the aggro.
Now translate that into every facet of her life.
Add in the minimisation - she needs to minimise, deny. excuse, because that's easier for her psychologically that "admitting" that her partner is actively abusing her - & this is how it goes on for years/decades of misery.

Your b/f wanted to control your child-comms with your ex. When you didn't comply, he issued an ultimatum. When you still didn't comply, he decided to punish you with a unilateral declaration of We Are On A Break.
If you are mad enough to ever speak with him again, let alone date him again, he will need to punish you for your non-compliance.
He may even graciously 'allow' you to continue child-comms. But that will leave a hole in his control, which will act like a narcissistic injury on him. So he will either start up on it again, or invent something else that you are DOING WRONG that he can dictate to you about.

Link is down for maintenance but will be up again soon - www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/coercive-control/

www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling-ebook/dp/B000Q9J0RO/ref=sr_1_2?adgrpid=1175378834746227&hvadid=73461376512318&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=41792&hvnetw=o&hvqmt=e&hvtargid=kwd-73461321216591%3Aloc-188&hydadcr=10572_1820330&keywords=lundy+why+does+he+do+that&qid=1653999080&sr=8-2

oops long link sorry! - but invest in this. Every woman should have a copy.

DP is still talking about break 😂I will tell him when I see him (probably today) as sending just a text message doesn't sit with me right.

Tell him what? Dumping-time?

If so - no need to do it in person. Give yourself a bloody shake. HE RECKONS HE CAN ORDER YOU TO STOP COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR EX ABOUT YOUR CHILD. You do not owe this man anything. When we act reasonably around unreasonable people, they grab our reasonableness & use it to manipulate us with. YOU HAVE ONLY KNOWN THIS DICKWAD FOR 6 MONTHS, you do not - & I cannot stress this enough - "owe" him a face-to-face dumping.

He will make you MISERABLE if you dump in person.
It will be all about him, he will pull the pity-me card, he will accuse you of going back to your ex, he will make Special Pleading demands, & he will insult & verbally abuse you.

Why do you think you need to risk that?
You don't deserve it.
You don't deserve to be controlled by this man any longer.
You do not owe this man the dirt off your shoe.
A quick "it's been great but we're not compatible. sorry not sorry, bye" will do it.
Then BLOCK HIM.

When we are dealing with controlling people, it is very important that we do NOT fall into being trapped by the social niceties of 'fair play' & 'decent dumping' etc. Because fair play & decency are for REASONABLE people.
UNreasonable people will use them against you.

Sorry for all the shouting (not)