Page 2 | Snapchat streak with an ex

MiauuMiauu · 2022-05-30T11:07:35+00:00

I split up with my ex nearly 3 years ago after being together for 6 years and have a DS age 3 together. He cheated on me with his current partner and now they are expecting a baby. I completly moved on, I've been dating and had couple of relationships myself but nothing too serious. Despite the fact that ex cheated on me we get on and i see it as being mature. Even thought breakup was really though and i felt betrayed at the time but looking at it from where i am in life now i think it was for the better. We've always used snapchat as main communication form to send pics and videos of DS, even when i found out he cheated on me i carry on sending him pics and videos of his child (ex was asking for it as well) so our snapstreak got quite high as we have been doing it everyday for few years. His partner is fine about it as well, no problem there. I've been seeing someone for 6 months now and i've been honest about it but he literally said that its him or my ex and the snapstreak so my question is have i completly lost touch with the reality and AIBU or is he overreacting a little bit? There is completly nothing between ex and myself, i do not find him attractive at all which i told my current partner and snaps are ONLY of our child.

BertieGibson · 30/05/2022 12:32

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Original poster

MiauuMiauu · 30/05/2022 12:32

FinallyMrsE · 30/05/2022 12:13

I’m not sure it’s necessary to keep up a Snapstreak but maintaining a good relationship with an ex when children are involved can only be a good thing, and keeping in touch when the other has the DC is positive.

I would be questioning your new DP’s motives and would he be expecting you to change other relationships to.

For me its not about snapstreak its about control

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HoopDaHoop · 30/05/2022 12:35

For me its not about snapstreak its about control

Control of what?

Do you mean your issue is your boyfriend being controlling or you use snapchat instead because it's easier to control? If the latter what do you mean?

tootiredtospeak · 30/05/2022 12:38

Just use WhatsApp as that doesnt disappear maybe it's the secrecy of what you could send.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 30/05/2022 12:41

Some of these replies are odd.. it is half term though.
OP I would be irritated by the ultimatum, the Snapstreak is irrelevant, you share pictures with your child's father. Would he feel the same if you WhatsApped them to your ex instead? IMO he has no right to say you have to do something

Newestname002 · 30/05/2022 12:42

@MiauuMiauu

Anyone - let alone some short-term guy who thought he could tell me what to do and give me an ultimatum ⬇️

he literally said that its him or my ex and the snapstreak

would be seen off pretty sharpish. Let him go and try and control someone else - I would not want him in my life. 🌹

Maisa45 · 30/05/2022 12:45

I deleted snapchat three years ago (such a good decision btw!) so maybe it's changed but aren't the messages deleted after viewing? So wouldn't it be better to switch to whatsapp or fb messenger so the pics and videos are saved?

Agree with those saying this guy is controlling and it's a red flag. Seriously please dump him. I wish I'd paid attention to early red flags with a couple of my exes.

Mabelface · 30/05/2022 12:50

The problem with ultimatums is that they don't always go the way you want them to, and I hope that this is about to happen with your now soon to be controlling ex.

Mangogogogo · 30/05/2022 13:15

Surely no one wants a 3 second snap of their kid without being able to save it?!
send them normally like a normal person.

ps. What do you send him on the days he has thw child?

i think there’s more than pics of the kid being sent here, sorry

Snoozer11 · 30/05/2022 13:18

I forgot to do Wordle one day and was really annoyed that I lost my streak.

Original poster

MiauuMiauu · 30/05/2022 13:20

HoopDaHoop · 30/05/2022 12:35

For me its not about snapstreak its about control

Control of what?

Do you mean your issue is your boyfriend being controlling or you use snapchat instead because it's easier to control? If the latter what do you mean?

Yes sorry...i think DP is trying to be controlling. I undrestand that my ex is another man that i've been romantically involved with but DP has his ex's and mother of his child as well and if snapchat or any other social platform would be the form of communication for years between them two who am i to tell him what to do nevermind giving ultimatums.

OP posts:

Original poster

MiauuMiauu · 30/05/2022 13:27

I know there are different ways of communicating but for some reason we always used snapchat. I understand that some people are using snapchat to send nudes etc so maybe thats why DP feels threatened. DP says that he doesnt feel like i am fully his because i've got that special thing with the ex and i am in contact with him everyday....and so is DP with his ex but i suppose thats different🙄

OP posts:

Original poster

MiauuMiauu · 30/05/2022 13:30

TibetanTerrah · 30/05/2022 12:18

The snapstreak, while a little juvenile, is not the issue here. The problem is this new bloke getting jealous over something so petty and thinking he can dictate to you. You and your ex maintain a good relationship for the sake of your child, and that won't change no matter what method you use to stay in touch. If you whatsapped the same amount of messages instead your new BF is saying he wouldn't have a problem? I call bullshit.

Unfortunatelly i am thinking the same. If i fall for it there is always going to be something else that bothers DP

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Kitten2 · 30/05/2022 13:37

The snap streak thing is a little odd but overall great you communicate regularly regarding your shared child and anything that tries to come in the way of that is ... questionable.

You're not sending nudes or flirty messages.

I'd stick with it. He can adapt or not.

KettrickenSmiled · 30/05/2022 13:37

DP says that he doesnt feel like i am fully his because i've got that special thing with the ex and i am in contact with him everyday....and so is DP with his ex but i suppose thats different

You seem to have a good hard head on your shoulders OP.
Just in case you are wobbling though ... I can tell you how this pans out if you are daft enough to continue with your controller b/f.

Soon he will critique your wardrobe, & tell you what you ought to wear.
Then it will be your body, or your hair, or your make up.
Or how you said hello or thank you or cheers to a man.
He'll quickly move on to criticising your parenting.
When you disagree, he will call you disrespectful.
He will then start up on how you are undermining him & using your child against him.
He will attempt to directly control your child by barking orders at them & expecting 'obedience'.

Shall I go on ..?

JustLyra · 30/05/2022 13:39

MiauuMiauu · 30/05/2022 13:27

I know there are different ways of communicating but for some reason we always used snapchat. I understand that some people are using snapchat to send nudes etc so maybe thats why DP feels threatened. DP says that he doesnt feel like i am fully his because i've got that special thing with the ex and i am in contact with him everyday....and so is DP with his ex but i suppose thats different🙄

You know he’s being controlling.

it’s not about Snapchat, it’s about control and testing what you’ll let him away with and where you’ll put your foot down.

Original poster

MiauuMiauu · 30/05/2022 13:58

KettrickenSmiled · 30/05/2022 13:37

DP says that he doesnt feel like i am fully his because i've got that special thing with the ex and i am in contact with him everyday....and so is DP with his ex but i suppose thats different

You seem to have a good hard head on your shoulders OP.
Just in case you are wobbling though ... I can tell you how this pans out if you are daft enough to continue with your controller b/f.

Soon he will critique your wardrobe, & tell you what you ought to wear.
Then it will be your body, or your hair, or your make up.
Or how you said hello or thank you or cheers to a man.
He'll quickly move on to criticising your parenting.
When you disagree, he will call you disrespectful.
He will then start up on how you are undermining him & using your child against him.
He will attempt to directly control your child by barking orders at them & expecting 'obedience'.

Shall I go on ..?

@KettrickenSmiled you are totally right! DP makes me feel like i am cheating on him which i am not. When DP said its me or ex/snapstreak i've said no and I think that suprised him a little bit. I refused because i just think giving someone ultimatums is way of controlling them and DP should trust me and my jugement....but then i started questioning myself and thats why I came here asking for an advice.

Is that what happened to you tho?

OP posts:

Original poster

MiauuMiauu · 30/05/2022 13:59

JustLyra · 30/05/2022 13:39

You know he’s being controlling.

it’s not about Snapchat, it’s about control and testing what you’ll let him away with and where you’ll put your foot down.

Show quote history

@JustLyra I've put my foot down and now DP thinks we should go on a break 🤔

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Maisa45 · 30/05/2022 14:05

@MiauuMiauu I agree with him that you should go on a break. A permanent one.

Original poster

MiauuMiauu · 30/05/2022 14:11

@Maisa45 DP wants break from each other for a month as he is saying he cant carry on the way he is feeling and see if we meant to be together after a month....can anyone tell me what is month going to change or am i being thick here 🤔

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TibetanTerrah · 30/05/2022 14:14

MiauuMiauu · 30/05/2022 14:11

@Maisa45 DP wants break from each other for a month as he is saying he cant carry on the way he is feeling and see if we meant to be together after a month....can anyone tell me what is month going to change or am i being thick here 🤔

He's 'showing you' he's serious about his ultimatum and is fully expecting you to crack and miss him so much you'll cave.

ATadConfused · 30/05/2022 14:14

I agree with your DP, you should go on a break.

A permanent one.

I don't use Snapchat, so I thought your post was going to be quite different!

to keep your streak going do you have to send photos every day or can it be your ex sending you photos instead? So whoever has DS sending photos?

I suppose I can see someone being uncomfortable with their partner needing to be in touch with their ex 'for fun' every day, it seems a tad over the top, but he could have discussed this with you instead.

anyone just giving me an ultimatum would find themselves wishing they hadn't, because I won't be bullied into shit. Whereas as talking to me, asking, would usually get them at least a compromise or an explanation of why I won't do xyz.

he thinks he's going to control you by threatening a break... big ego, the twat.

KettrickenSmiled · 30/05/2022 14:15

KettrickenSmiled you are totally right! DP makes me feel like i am cheating on him which i am not. When DP said its me or ex/snapstreak i've said no and I think that suprised him a little bit. I refused because i just think giving someone ultimatums is way of controlling them and DP should trust me and my jugement....but then i started questioning myself and thats why I came here asking for an advice.

Is that what happened to you tho?

No: similar but more subtle.
But ask any PP out of a controlling relationship what it was like - it always follows this pattern of boundary-testing followed by escalation.

Please don't fall into the trap of believing that you refusing to comply to the snapchat nonsense will be the end of it. Or that because you are 'strong' he won't be able to control you. Women of all personalities & attributes end up being manipulated & controlled by abusers: it;s not a reflection on their bravery or intellect.

& buy yourself a present - www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling-ebook/dp/B000Q9J0RO

Lostsoul91 · 30/05/2022 14:19

I guess from a different perspective maybe he's questioning if you're only sending pictures of your child and that's what the communication is about, as snap chat deletes communication.

However I've never asked to see what my ex and his ex talk about, but he's previously shown me conversations, that's the plus point of using different platform's that don't delete automatically.

However he doesn't get to tell you to pick, if he expressed maturely a worry or a concern then maybe you could have met a middle ground. But either way you still need to communicate as it's your child together

ElenaSt · 30/05/2022 14:20

You have found an easy way to communicate and stay on good terms with your ex about your son so why should you stop?

If the new partner has a problem with it then he can get stuffed.