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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another Woman buying DD clothes

61 replies

Mam576 · 30/05/2022 08:13

My DD (6) went away with her dad this weekend. When she come home she said do you like my new jumper it’s off daddy’s friend. She said she is really nice and she likes children, and then she bought me lots of clothes.

I can’t help but feel strange about this, I mean it’s nice if this woman is nice , but I’ve never heard her name mentioned and DD spends time with her and gets lots of new things.

OP posts:
IWentAwayIStayedAway · 30/05/2022 08:15

I think that's lovely. someone who cares for her. I'm sure its hard but wouldn't it be worse if she hated your child?

Canyouengineerfreespeech · 30/05/2022 08:15

I would try to centre your DD here. If she is happy and the jumper is nice just accept it as a nice gesture.

Original poster
Mam576 · 30/05/2022 08:16

@IWentAwayIStayedAway yeah I know, it’s just that I’ve never heard her name before from DD I don’t think she’s ever met her before yesterday

OP posts:
Original poster
Mam576 · 30/05/2022 08:17

And then she meets her with a pile of new things for her

OP posts:
DockOTheBay · 30/05/2022 08:17

Presumably she is your ex's new girlfriend. It sounds like she's nice and keen to get to know your daughter which is a good thing.

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 30/05/2022 08:18

I would imagine it's your daughters 1st time meeting her but she's been in exes life for a while??

Singleandproud · 30/05/2022 08:18

It's weird at first but you have to get into the mindset of the more people who love and like your DC the better.

DD spent Christmas with her dad and they went to his partners parents for a big family celebration full of people ill never meet but that Dd has a relationship with. It's strange but you get used to it.

HikingforScenery · 30/05/2022 08:19

Is he your ex , OP? Are you concerned she took your daughter away with someone without telling you?

Singleandproud · 30/05/2022 08:20

Did she buy her alot of new clothes by adult standards, or just an outfit that is 'alot' to young DC? If you aren't used to children I guess you'd buy them a toy or clothes on meeting them for the first time if it was important to you.

Original poster
Mam576 · 30/05/2022 08:21

I’m not sure he’s never mentioned anything. When we were getting along at Christmas (purely as friends) I took DD out with male friend (been friends for long time - and that’s all it will ever be) and he messaged the next day saying why are you introducing DD to other people

OP posts:
Hoardasurass · 30/05/2022 08:22

I get where you are coming from op it's almost as if your ex's gf is trying to buy your dd's affection, however as a 1 off I wouldn't say anything as she may not have ment it to come across like that.
If it becomes a regular thing (unnecessary gratuitous spending) then I would suggest talking to your ex but until then just smile and nod

Original poster
Mam576 · 30/05/2022 08:23

They didn’t go away with her apparently she owns the hotel they stayed in and she went the pub with them one night

OP posts:
TheGetaway · 30/05/2022 08:31

The more people to love and care for your DD the better. Please don’t be ‘that’ person.

She sounds nice. I always loved hearing about my DS’s time with XHs partners. They cooked with him, took him to the park etc.
All good 😊

Turnthatoff · 30/05/2022 08:34

I think it’s overstepping a boundary and (assuming you’re on good terms with your Ex) I’d expect to know if my 6 year old was meeting a partner.

Of course it’s nice if she is lovely to your daughter. That is the minimum standard, surely? But it’s not the point.

MissChanandlerBong80 · 30/05/2022 08:38

It’s obviously lovely if your ex has a new gf who really likes your daughter and wants to buy her gifts. But I think your ex should tell you about her and be more open with you. I get where you’re coming from, it must be odd to hear about someone whose name you don’t even know buying your child presents.

ATadConfused · 30/05/2022 08:38

If you get on well, why not just ask your Ex.who she is & why all the presents? If you get a weird feeling about it, it's fine to keep an eye out for grooming, but it might just be someone who knows her Dad & wanted to buy her some bits.

my friend used to go to the same family run, small hotel every year, when his (second) wife & new baby were booked in as well the owner bought the. Baby lots of bits, she was just excited for my friend.

bubblesbubbles11 · 30/05/2022 08:41

New girlfriends, especially the younger eager type, love buying clothes for their new boyfriends young daughter. What is easier than taking a baby/young girl shopping for clothes? I hope for your sake this woman is kind and will treat your daughter well, but buying clothes for your boyfriends young daughter is hardly a sign of being a good person, much more like (i) I love clothes shopping, it gives me the feel-good (ii) this small girl is cute, I can "play" mummy for the day (iii) my boyfriend looks at me adoringly when he sees me buying kids clothes for his daughter.

ATadConfused · 30/05/2022 08:41

Was it actually a hotel, or the woman's house your ex told your DD was a hotel?!

id be asking the ex what was going on.

He confronted you when you took DD out with a male friend, you're absolutely entitled to ask him for the full story.

Original poster
Mam576 · 30/05/2022 08:44

@Turnthatoff I feel it’s over stepping a boundary too! I can’t help but think that, it just seems very random my DD saying there was a big pile of new stuff at the hotel for her. DD said the woman said children are grown up now.
I just don’t know what to say on message to him

OP posts:
Coolcharlotte · 30/05/2022 08:44

I think that's sweet she buying your daughter clothes, but I do see you point as you have never met her and don't know anything about her which is an understanding. I know how that feels as my kids go to their dads house and come home and say things like "we met dads new girlfriend, she very friendly". My 6 and 9 years old says so many wonderful things about her, but my 11 years old hates her so much, and wishes she was out the picture. It's hard now but it will get easier. Speak to your ex and get to know her and find out little bit about her.

Original poster
Mam576 · 30/05/2022 08:46

@ATadConfused he sent me a photo of DD sitting by a big window with seaside in the background - so it does look like a hotel

OP posts:
Turnthatoff · 30/05/2022 08:52

Mam576 · 30/05/2022 08:44

@Turnthatoff I feel it’s over stepping a boundary too! I can’t help but think that, it just seems very random my DD saying there was a big pile of new stuff at the hotel for her. DD said the woman said children are grown up now.
I just don’t know what to say on message to him

Are you on good terms? If so, just call. “DD said she met your friend, and XX bought her a bunch of new clothes, it took me by surprise….” and take it from there. Maybe it’s a good opportunity to clarify what you should tell each other when you meet a potential partner?

I do think it’s very presumptuous though. If I were the new partner, I wouldn’t be buying a bunch of clothes for someone else’s 6 year old at the first meeting. Not unless she was woefully underdressed or something. And even then, it would be her father’s responsibility.

cottagegardenflower · 30/05/2022 09:01

I would just message ex politely and ask what the situation is and why would a stranger buy DD clothes? Point out it would have been courteous to inform you that he would be introducing DD to a new woman, as DDs wellbeing is your priority

Bakedpotatoesfortea · 30/05/2022 09:07

I'm probably over protective and untrusting but I would worry about grooming or something else being awry. It seems like an odd thing to do for a child you barely know and I would be worried there were some kind of strings attached to accepting a generous gift. I'm naturally quite suspicious though, this kind of thing especially.

Selttan · 30/05/2022 09:09

Is it possible she's just a friend and your ex asked her to purchase some clothes for your son cause he had no idea what to buy?