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Original poster

Another Woman buying DD clothes

61 replies

Mam576 · 30/05/2022 08:13

My DD (6) went away with her dad this weekend. When she come home she said do you like my new jumper it’s off daddy’s friend. She said she is really nice and she likes children, and then she bought me lots of clothes.

I can’t help but feel strange about this, I mean it’s nice if this woman is nice , but I’ve never heard her name mentioned and DD spends time with her and gets lots of new things.

OP posts:
DockOTheBay · 30/05/2022 09:13

I'm probably over protective and untrusting but I would worry about grooming or something else being awry
Totally over the top.

Imagine I went on holiday to a seaside town. I have a friend who lives in this town, we were very close at uni but haven't seen each other much since because of one thing and another, especially the pandemic the last 2 years it just hasn't been possible, but we message regularly. Since we are staying nearby, me and my family meet up and go out for lunch with her. She knows I have a Young daughter so has bought some gifts for her.

Would you be concerned about grooming, overstepping boundaries, etc?

You only have the word of a 6 year old that its someone she hasn't met, who her dad is friends with. You have no idea of the background to make a decision whether its untoward or not!

LivingOnTheRoad · 30/05/2022 09:20

I’d ask your ex who she is. I think you have a right to know who your child is spending time with and who is buying things for her.

On the flip side, as a grown woman, I would see it as inappropriate for me to buy lots of clothes for a child I’d just met. It’s just a bit weird isn’t it. I know my partner would think so too and if we split, he wouldn’t let this happen.

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 30/05/2022 09:25

It's quite cheeky and probably aimed at buying affection and showing off at the same time. Fake mommy playing dress up type of thing. Not much you can do really.

caringcarer · 30/05/2022 09:25

It may feel a bit strange if not happened before but she must be your ex new partner. Just be thankful she seems to be kind to your dd as sadly some new partners resent children from previous relationships. Tell dd lady sounds very kind.

ToffeepopsandRaindrops · 30/05/2022 09:34

buying clothes for your boyfriends young daughter is hardly a sign of being a good person, much more like…..

Fucking hell you really can’t win with some people can you!

Onwards22 · 30/05/2022 09:46

It could be just an old friend that is giving her hand me downs from her grown up DCs or it could be exes new gf who is trying to make an effort.

Either way it’s not an issue.
DD has had a nice time away with her dad and got some nice new clothes out of it.

I know it’s hard thinking your ex may be moving on but you need to not make this all about you.

IncompleteSenten · 30/05/2022 09:49

I'd only be pissed off about his hypocrisy.

He messages you snottily like that then his 'friend' shows up with gifts?

Original poster
Mam576 · 30/05/2022 09:51

@Onwards22 Its not hard for me as he was abusive and I am currently in therapy- I’ve been waiting for him to move on so he’s not focused on me and my life. If she had met her and said she was nice that would not have been an issue (as he’s done that before) it’s just the buying a big pile of clothes that has made me feel uneasy

OP posts:
Original poster
Mam576 · 30/05/2022 09:52

@IncompleteSenten that’s exactly the point. Why is it different for him. I’ve sent him a message

OP posts:
weekendninja · 30/05/2022 09:59

I would take a step back and put this to the back of your mind. There are numerous scenarios here, some that may be none of your business.

I wouldn't discuss it anymore with your DD and I wouldn't discuss it with your ex. For all you know it may be a friend that just wanted rid of some old clothes.

Onwards22 · 30/05/2022 10:02

it’s just the buying a big pile of clothes that has made me feel uneasy

Why does that make you feel uneasy?

You don’t know it was a new gf and even if it was most new partners buy something for the child.

Obviously a big pile of clothes is more than generous and an outfit would have been enough but if she’s never met a partners child before then she may think that’s the right thing to do.

If it is a new gf then it just shows she’s trying to make an effort.

Benjispruce4 · 30/05/2022 10:25

Yea it’s odd for the owner of a hotel they are stayed in to buy a customer’s child clothes.
i think you need to ask your ex for a bit more information. He shouldn’t have accept ed that, it’s highly unusual. A lollipop from reception desk, yes. A pile of clothes, odd.

Booklover3 · 30/05/2022 10:41

I’d ask him

10HailMarys · 30/05/2022 12:21

I assume it's his new girlfriend but if he's just introduced her to your DD as his 'friend' for obvious reasons.

I wouldn't have an issue with a girlfriend buying a jumper for your DD to be honest; she was probably just trying to be nice to her. But your ex should obviously tell you if he's introducing your DD to a new partner, especially if he had issues with you doing similar. Although presumably when you point that out he'll say 'Well, you took DD out with that guy you met, so you can't tell me I can't take her out with my 'friend' now.'

saraclara · 30/05/2022 12:47

Imagine I went on holiday to a seaside town. I have a friend who lives in this town, we were very close at uni but haven't seen each other much since because of one thing and another, especially the pandemic the last 2 years it just hasn't been possible, but we message regularly. Since we are staying nearby, me and my family meet up and go out for lunch with her. She knows I have a Young daughter so has bought some gifts for her.
Would you be concerned about grooming, overstepping boundaries, etc?

Exactly. Mum's friends buying something for the kid - great. Dad's friend buying something for a kid - overstepping boundaries or grooming. That's Mumsnet.

If your kid is six and this woman's kids are grown up, it's not sounding that likely that it's a girlfriend. Might just be an acquaintance or family friend in the area.

dottiedodah · 30/05/2022 12:48

I think a Jumper is fine .A nice thought .A big pile of clothes though seems a little OTT to me .If she is a Hotel Owner though she is probably comfortably off. If she has older DC then she probably enjoys having a little girl to buy for again

Benjispruce4 · 30/05/2022 13:31

Buying a small gift if it’s a friend is fine. OP said it was the owner of the hotel and is a stranger and that she bought a pile of clothes. That’s odd.

DropYourSword · 30/05/2022 13:36

IncompleteSenten · 30/05/2022 09:49

I'd only be pissed off about his hypocrisy.

He messages you snottily like that then his 'friend' shows up with gifts?

Well, either that or he believes OP set the precedent for meeting new people without discussing with the ex first so didn't see why he should have to

coffeecupsandfairylights · 30/05/2022 13:43

Benjispruce4 · 30/05/2022 10:25

Yea it’s odd for the owner of a hotel they are stayed in to buy a customer’s child clothes.
i think you need to ask your ex for a bit more information. He shouldn’t have accept ed that, it’s highly unusual. A lollipop from reception desk, yes. A pile of clothes, odd.

But she won't just be the owner, she'll be the dad's friend/girlfriend too.

Benjispruce4 · 30/05/2022 13:53

@coffeecupsandfairylights well that’s to be confirmed. If she is a friend then the ex should have clarified that for the child’s sake .

Sweepingeyelashes · 30/05/2022 14:00

They might be hand me downs from a granddaughter for all we know. Some of my children's clothes were passed on practically brand new.

Blossomtoes · 30/05/2022 14:02

It’s storm in a teacup time!

GlitteryGreen · 30/05/2022 14:02

I don't mean to sound harsh but I don't really see why it matters? Whether this woman is a friend or potential new girlfriend, all she's done is gift your DD some nice things?

SpilltheTea · 30/05/2022 14:27

It sounds like he's childishly making a point because you didn't mention the meeting with your friend.

starfishmummy · 30/05/2022 14:27

Maybe there's a logical reason. Dad not taking enough clothes or the wrong sort and he asked his friend to help with getting some more. Daddy's friend might just have shopped with him but he paid. Kids don't always realise what's going on.

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