How many friends have you fallen out with/cut out your life? (Or had it happen to you)

[elevenspowers]

I’m asking about friends because we choose those and we can’t choose family.

I had a childhood best friend, born two months apart, lived on the same street and our mums were best friends. She was however exceptionally snobby and I saw her cut out friends one by one, until it got to my turn. I guess because I didn’t live up to her standards anymore, I never got an explanation, she would just make excuses when I asked to meet up - so I stopped asking.

Then the friend I cut out was a compulsive liar. She used me a lot for money, lifts and then started lying about an illness. She told me she was in hospital when she was actually having her eyelashes done.

I’ve struggled with making friends as an adult despite the fact I think I’m nice / caring / thoughtful person etc which makes me sad 😢

Anyway I’ve been friends with X since school, but over the years she’s definitely deliberately decided I’m not in her circle anymore, the final straw has been she didn’t acknowledge my 40th, not even a text, and I know she hadn’t forgotten it as she had viewed a story on my Instagram that featured my birthday. She also didn’t invite me to her 40th a couple of weeks later, and it looked like a big bash from social media. (I didn’t have a party for mine)

I’m deleting her from social media now, I need to move on and stop feeling like crap about her

Never and I’m 42. I read all these threads on mumsnet about people falling out with friends or family in shock. It’s like an episode of Eastenders and I had no idea people actually did all this shit in real life.

^ This.

I moved to the town where a friend of 40 years lived, for work. We were good friends or so I thought but the snide comments started and kept coming. She had been to mine loads of times for meals (I wasn’t invited to hers) and one Saturday when I was staying in her town we met and went shopping. I was dragged round Lidl to get food for a Sunday roast that she was cooking for her son and his gf.
I wasn’t invited, the acid sniping continued and I moved back to my town.
she still contacts me, I don’t reply.

Only 1 as an adult.

I'd had a friend since I was 7 years old. She was never my best, best friend, but was always like... top 5 certainly. Looking back now... she never had a "best friend". I think for all of her friends, they all thought of her as being in their top 5 as well. But she never made it to the very top for anyone. She was an only child also. Her parents were older, and had very busy jobs - she spent a LOT of time with a not-very-nice child minder as a kid. She was a little bit the "afterthought kid" and I suspect she was quite lonely sometimes. But the thing was, she used to like hosting sleepovers and having friends round, but when we did go round to hers, she was incredibly domineering. The film was always her choice, we never got a turn on the popular computer game of the moment, we'd just have to sit and watch her play it. In the mornings, we weren't allowed to get up until she felt like getting up. It just wasn't fun.

Anyway, we stayed friendly and in regular contact until we were about 22. One evening, she picked me up from my house, we went for a drink in a local pub... and I never saw her again. I tried reaching out a few times, but was met with stony silence. She's certainly still alive! She's fb friends with my older sister! Not me though!

It still bugs me that SHE was the one who got to cut ME out. As honestly, she was my most high-maintenance friend by a MILE, and I feel like if anyone should have got to do a "flounce", it should have been me! Oh well.

I did have a short very intense relationship with someone before she totally dumped me. I later found that this was a pattern that repeated itself. She was later diagnosed bi-polar so I’m sure that had something to do with it.

DH had a long term female friend who dumped him as he wouldn’t go visit her abroad the week DD was due. She was a self interested twat though.

Several. Getting divorced was an eye-opener for me and really changed my friendships. In all honesty, I was sad at first, but now I look back and I can't really see what they brought to my life. Self-centred people who were only concerned about their own lives. When I was going through a difficult time no one asked me how I was.

I've had some friendships fade naturally which has been fine, just different stages and lives going in different directions.

Sad to say but my best friend of nearly 30 years I feel myself drifting away from. Im a quiet person and they are loud and have quite a touch of the drama llama about them, which tbh hasnt been a problem in the past so maybe its my age (50s) but I just can't be doing with it anymore. I find myself leaving it longer between meet ups if I can. As it happens I'll be moving away from the area soon so I think things will either improve (absence makes the heart grow fonder) or it will continue to drift.

Two. I'm very pro women supporting women and have a strong friendship group of women.
However- one ex friend believed lies that a man had told, that he and I had had 'an affair'. We hadn't. He's a pathological liar and I'm gay ffs. However his wife was my friend's bestie and I became persona non grata. I was renting a house from another very close friend, years ago. She had access to the house and stole from me to fuel a cocaine habit. I moved out and we never spoke again. She sent me an apology letter about 5 years later which I didn't answer.

I've had someone cut me out. Met up via our then babies and was great friends for four years. Until my ds got a ASd diagnosis and her child got into private school. I can only presume she wanted to mix with the private school mums as she did mention their massive houses a lot before we stopped talking. It did change how much I trust new friends. Luckily I already had other good friends.

One just ran its course always me chasing. Maybe I over invested in the friendship.
Other was for another reason. She got argumentative on nights out with drink. I bump into her in lockdown kept it polite chat. No I dont miss their dramas

One main one, other friendships just drifted because of life really.
But this one hurts, I've known her 45yrs, she's my DS1 godmother, her DH is DS2 godfather. She was my Bridesmaid and helped organise my wedding. My mam and hers were best friends, our families were friends. She was there when my dad got sick then died, me the same for her when her mam died. Looking back I would get in contact more with her then her to me and we would meet more in her home than mine but none of that really bothered me.
But I had a light bulb moment and didn't text her........we're at 3yrs now. I'm in contact with her sisters who firmly say it is her and not me. I miss her.
But when my beautiful aunt, who she has known over 40yrs, died there was nothing, no message to me and no message to my mam. I was diagnosed with cancer and still nothing and that I can't forgive. If something bad happened in her life I would have offered help/a shoulder but with two major events within 6wks and to have heard nothing from her I can't forgive.

I’ve had tons of friendships that have fizzled naturally.

I’ve had one major ghosting by a best friend and it was awful and took me years to get over.

I recently had an old friend (someone I thought of as “close” but probably more down to habit than actually being close) turn really rude and nasty and I decided to cut ties with her. People change.

One, maybe two. No fall outs, I just didn't like them any more so I distanced myself for long enough for them to get the message. I've blocked them on all social media too.

First post but fallen out with many friends over the years. Mainly toxic.

My life is much better without them.

YANBU to go NC with so called friends who don’t enhance your life.

A few - I'd say about 5 total but two of these I was best friends with in school and then things changed as we got older - one I was only best friends with for a year, then I changed school and the other one, similar and we sort of kept in touch but then she went to uni and I didn't.

the first best friend - we reconnected in our 30s and were best friends again for a year or so especially after she finished with her boyfriend, she then found a new boyfriend and totally dropped me saying 'I'm in lurve'. Said she'd come back to me. I didn't wait around.

The second one - I'd known her I guess since I was 2/3 or so. We were fairly close as children as our mums and brother were also best/close friends. She lived away as an adult (NW UK) and I rarely saw her but sometimes when she was back in London we met up. We did write. I jokingly wrote to her once which was kind of passive aggressive - I had no idea she was going through mental health issues (found out via internet after) and she/her mum were quite defensive/ended the friendship, again, if I'd had any idea she was depressed etc I'd have backed off/not joked.

Another friend I knew in 30s - as soon as she got her boyfriend (now father to her DD) she dropped me - but she did return when he dumped her and behaved badly, but they eventually got back together. Spoke to a close friend of hers who told me "S behaves like this when she gets a boyfriend, drops her friends".

Another friend was always a bit strange with me, telling me off for various bits and pieces or what I'd said and then once I travelled from one part of London to the other to meet her and waited hours and she didn't turn up. I then transferred/lent her money which she didn't get - or wrong account and she was angry at that.

All the above seem long! I really curate and have less friends now!

One .

she basically did me out of £1000 long story . And I have a disabled child which she knew about ( annoying for anyone with a child to provide for )

Yes,3 or 4- although not so much fallen out as they just cut contact with us....I'm 53.
Bestie at school, the day after we left school I rang her to arrange to meet up. No answer, rang many more times, no answer,left messages, no call back, nothing. Never heard from her again, found out a few years ago that she'd died 20 years ago.
When we moved in where we are now, we made friends with our neighbours. Same age as us, ended up being good friends for several years. Went out for meals together, to the theatre, even on holiday. We dog sat for them, they babysat for us. They were even legal guardians for our son. They were struggling to conceive, and I even drove the husband to the fertility clinic one morning with a sperm sample in his pocket! I then had a big birthday party at home and introduced them to some old friends of mine and they shared their table for the evening.
After that, they slowly moved away from us and onto these other friends- doing exactly the same things with them as they did with us- holidays, meals out etc etc. In the end, they completely stopped talking to us, and even rang us one evening and asked us to keep the noise down when we had some old friends visiting (despite the fact that their dog barked constantly when they weren't in which was a pain but we never complained about, and that their surround sound was so loud sometimes that we couldn't hear our own TV...) as we were laughing too loud. In the end they sold their house- we didn't know anything about it until she knocked on the door and asked me to move my old car ( that they'd had numerous lifts in) from out the front as they were having estate agent pics taken and didn't want that thing in it! Haven't a clue where they moved to,they just left without saying a word. Within 24 hours, they had unfriended and blocked us,and any mutual friends on Facebook. I'll never know the reason why- we never had a row or fell out- however, another neighbour further up the road told us that they were known for being your bestie then dropping you like a ton of bricks when someone else came along.
Hubby's best friend from when they were 4. Best man at each others weddings, rode motor bikes together, pub every week bbq's etc. I knew his wife, we all got on well, kids the same age etc. Couple of holidays together. BF had another group of friends who were better off than us, although we were always invited to parties, bbq's etc. BF seemed to have a man crush on one of them T. Hung onto every word that T said, agreed with everything he said, etc etc. BF had a Nov 5th bbq on year, we were all invited.T was not my favourite person- went on a fair bit about money, how much his renovations were costing him etc etc. His older son made a vile pass at my daughter-she was only 15- so my hubby had a quiet word with him on the side. Particularly as she'd turned him down and he called her a prick tease! Don't know what the son told his dad T, but at the end of the evening, T manipulated an argument with my hubby- in the back garden whilst his wife and kids were out the front waiting in the car so they didn't hear any of it-he was pretty nasty to hubby,picking on his disabilities and calling him a shit dad. While all this was going in BF completely ignored it and pretended to tidy up,although he could clearly hear it.His wife was passed out drunk so didn't hear it either. Hubby never heard from BF again and despite me being friends with his wife for 7 years, she never got in touch with me again, preferring to believe T's side of things. We think T was jealous of how close hubby and his BF were and wanted us out of the picture!

Hubby also lost friends when he became disabled and couldn't do cheap building work for them....
We have very few friends now....less to shit on us!

Friends I've not really cut anyof them out of my life on purpose more grown apart or lost touch and the contact dissolves to nothing. I have made the decision to stop bothering with some because it's not reciprocated and they've not made any effort since I stopped to the relationship dies. But I've never cut a friend off that has tried to keep in touch.

Family though, I've cut a lot of them out. I only keep in touch with my parents, an aunt and a cousin. The rest I could never see again and be happy about it. Only see them when I have to at things like funerals.

Looselegs
It frightens me that people can so easily entwine themselves into your life as your neighbours did, becoming just like family and dropping you like a bomb. Does this mean they never truly valued your friendship or they did until they found what they thought was better? There are so many layers to this - my brain is exploding!

I am cautious of getting too close to people, I leave enough of a gap that if the friendship were to end, I will be able to quickly move on. Probably not a way in which everyone would want to live but it works for me having been burnt too many times.

I spent my teens and 20's investing in 'friends' who did not value me or what I brought to the friendship. I put in far more than they did and it made me feel worthless. Nowadays I will make an effort and if I see you are not, I will back off but continue to be friendly should I see you around.

There is definitely something about not giving a shit when you move into your 40's/50's.

Wow @looselegs you've both been dealt terrible friendship cards. DH is better off without the supposed BF. And the neighbours sound hideous!!
I'll be your friend. I'm very loyal 🙂

Erm... quite a few.

One group of male friends because I find out they'd nearly all slept with prostitutes and were trying to convince Friend A that this was normal behaviour (when she found out her boyfriend had been cheating with prostitutes).

The Friend A from above as she purposely didn't invite a mutual friend (Friend B) to her 30th because another mutual friend Friend C didn't like Friend B's boyfriend. Friend A and Friend B had been friends many many years (predating me) and Friend B was very hurt. I spoke to Friend A and she "cancelled" her 30th. Only she didn't cancel and rearranged it without me or Friend B.

Friend D because when I broke up with my ex boyfriend she told everyone at work. I felt like I was the subject of gossiping so I was really hacked off. I shouldn't really have ghosted her over this. When I look back it wasn't a big deal but I felt like it was at the time.

Friend E because she started dating a guy I had liked for a long time but wasn't upfront about it. I found out through a mutual friend. Again, this wasn't really a good reason for cutting her out of my life.

No one for about 7 years now. Writing all this out makes me think I was probably quite immature!

A few. One kept texting me constantly (every 5 minutes or so) and blamed me for him being sectioned. After coming out of hospital, he was just so clingy and generally trying to act as though nothing had happened. He's done this to a few people. I had to leave a group because of hm. He left and blamed everyone else.

Fell out with his friend too. He, despite having a girlfriend, was so desperate for a relationship with me and wanted everything to move really fast. I told him no and he kept pestering me to meet up with him. He then tried it on with me again after a few months. I had to get a friend to tell him to stop it. His time keeping (he lived 5 minutes away; so no reall issue with traffic, etc) was awful as well.

@Lovinglife45 I often wonder that myself! Were they just waiting for something better to come along? It was very hurtful- they even came to my Dad's funeral- and,although they've been gone for 8 years, it still hurts now.
@Juniper68 we keep a lot if people ar arms length now. I think loyalty was our problem- we look after our friends and go above and beyond sometimes ( like taking the hubby next door to the clinic with a sperm sample in his pocket...), and when that loyalty is taken advantage of, I struggle to understand why. I tell myself that the problem is there's, not mine!

Very similar @SpaceFarce and for same reasons. Childhood training to people please left me very open to takers and users and I now cringe to remember some of the things I allowed other people to do to me. Totally one sided relationships.

I have actively cut off two 'best' friends, one very recently. I am very loyal and allowed them to hang around for far too long. Replaced first one with a newer model (unknowingly) over twentyyears ago. Therapy helped me to become conscious of my patterns/behaviours and to respect myself by sacking the latest (and last) user. She proved to me that she was only prepared to see me if I invited, hosted or paid. Lovely on the surface but utterly selfish and entitled underneath.

Various other friends have drifted, usually if I stopped chasing or giving. I am left with a few solid friends, more luck than choice. Any new 'friends ' have a much higher threshold to meet.

My husband died just over three years ago, we had lots of friends that we saw regularly, meals out, parties at each others homes etc, but since his funeral I've seen one of our couple friends once.