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AIBU?

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Original poster

42 too old for a second baby?

68 replies

998d · 29/05/2022 20:08

Feeling a bit teary as been going through DC's clothes - I've kept them all until now in case we have another baby but seems too late now. DC is four and I had them at 38 but was a terrible sleeper for the first couple of years. Then a year ago, I had a major health issue and any thoughts of a second kid sort of disappeared as I wasn't sure whether I would make it etc.

I turned 42 last week and although I love having my one kid, wondering whether it's just too late for a second. My health is now fine but am obviously a lot older than the first time around. Plus the thought of having an 18 year old at 60 scares me. I would totally go for another if I was under 40 but is 42 too late?

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 29/05/2022 20:11

I really don't think so. Lots of women have babies in their forties. If you think you'll regret not trying, then go for it.

pbdr · 29/05/2022 20:14

I don't think it is too late. You would need to be willing to accept the higher risk of miscarriages or genetic abnormalities, but if you can cope with that and having another child is right for you and your family (rather than just hormonal broodiness) then go for it!

Onemoresleeptogonow · 29/05/2022 20:15

I had a dc at 37 and one at 43.2. They aren't my only dc though. Ds is now 7 and an absolute joy.

Tryhard40 · 29/05/2022 20:16

Completely depends on the individual - I'm your age and would rather stick pins in my eyes than have another one now! Youngest is 11 and im finally at a point where I have more freedom, soon won't have to be a slave to the school run, dh and I can travel alone more etc.

I suppose it depends how much you desire the freedom to do more child-free things. Dh is 9 years older than me so will already be hurtling towards his 60's by the time youngest is likely to leave home!

Comedycook · 29/05/2022 20:17

Plus the thought of having an 18 year old at 60 scares me

You're going to have an 18 year old at 56....56/60 ,what's the difference?! You're current child is still young so no, I don't think you're too old.

girljulian · 29/05/2022 20:17

Going to rock the boat here and say I think it is a bit late — maybe not for you at 42 as a mum of a young child, but because of how quickly your child might have to cope with ageing parents. A friend of mine is currently having an awful time with both parents sickening at once; they were 42 and 46 when he was born and it’s put me right off the idea of having a baby at my age.

Nightmanagerfan · 29/05/2022 20:18

I had mine at 38 and three weeks shy of my 42nd birthday. I don’t regret the second at all - he’s a good sleeper, feeds and eats well and has been a joy. I think if you look into the future and see a family with two children then go for it.

Zelda93 · 29/05/2022 20:19

I had my first at just turned 43 so no .. would I have another now at 46 nope I'm all done as I do think I am to old now .

Albgo · 29/05/2022 20:20

I had my first at 38 (nearly 39) and would love another. I'm in my early 40s and don't think it's too late at all.
And to the ageing parents posters - meh. People can die or get degenerative illness when they're young - it's all a risk when you look at it like that.

Decemberly · 29/05/2022 20:21

I had mine at two weeks shy of 39, and 41 and a half. Best thing I ever did. If it feels right for you, go for it!

Original poster
998d · 29/05/2022 20:22

Thanks you all. I think straight after we had our first, I basically just tried to stay awake and fight the sheer exhaustion. I swear we got the worst ever sleeper. So it's only been since they've turned three that I could really think about it but because of my health issue I just couldnt think that far ahead. So I feel like am only just coming out of a fog. I look at DC and it seems a bit of a shame. But then I look at DH having to deal with his dad aged 85 and it just seems too late

OP posts:
moita · 29/05/2022 20:23

How does you other half feel as I wouldn't waste time if you do want another one!

I do think it's personal: the risks would be too high for me. I'm 36 and my body isn't the same now as it was in my early 30s but again thats very personal.

Sunquench · 29/05/2022 20:23

Anything past 40 is too old.

Luredbyapomegranate · 29/05/2022 20:25

No of course not, but make sure you really want to (or would a kitten do??)

Choopi · 29/05/2022 20:25

It's been 4 years not 14. There really isn't too much difference between 38 and 42.

Luredbyapomegranate · 29/05/2022 20:25

Sunquench · 29/05/2022 20:23

Anything past 40 is too old.

Hi God!

Sparklingbrook · 29/05/2022 20:26

I don't think so, loads of women have babies into their 40s.. You can do the maths and work out what age and position ( ie financial etc) you will be when the child reaches certain stages and if that's ok with you then why not. If your major health issue is all sorted.

Skyeheather · 29/05/2022 20:26

Of course you are not too old, I had my second a month before my 44th birthday. It took me a year to conceive and I had a miscarriage between having my first and second so if you do want another I would make a start now.....

Ragwort · 29/05/2022 20:30

I had my first (& only - by choice) at 43. It's such an individual decision, no one can really advise you just share their own experience. I would not have enjoyed being a 'younger mum' ... but my own DPs were fit and healthy into their late 80s so I never had that 'sandwich' generation feeling of caring for aged DPs and young DC. I was also fortunate in that we were in a financially sound position and didn't have to juggle career aspirations and raising a DC.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 29/05/2022 20:35

Not at all, my cousin is 42 and due her second later this year. She had her first at 17!

Moonshine5 · 29/05/2022 20:36

I think you will be fine as theres not that much difference between the ages and your age at conception. What do you and your partner want?
Good luck OP

Ameliarosethistle · 29/05/2022 20:37

I don't think it's too old. If I was wanting to have a baby at 42 I would just go for it. It sounds like it's quite important to you. Obviously you know your health condition and whether there is any chance of it returning and whether to factor that into your decision or not though.

karalimed · 29/05/2022 20:37

You mentioned that you look at your DH having to look after his 85 year old parent - well, your current DC will already have to do that for you in 40 years time.

My mum had me at 39, my dad was 48 and they did not have anymore children because they were "too old". At 30 both of my parents are dead and I had to deal with looking after both of them all by myself, and now I have no close family.

If you are worried about being too old, that ship has already sailed. 42 is not that much older than 38. The question now is do you want your only DC to have to look after you and your DH all by themselves when you are old.

Ginger1982 · 29/05/2022 20:40

Personal choice. I had DS at 34. I wanted a second but haven't been able to conceive despite 3 rounds of IVF. I always said 40 was my personal cut off and I'll hit that this year. I'm very content now.

youdroppedthis · 29/05/2022 20:42

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