42 too old for a second baby?

[998d]

Feeling a bit teary as been going through DC's clothes - I've kept them all until now in case we have another baby but seems too late now. DC is four and I had them at 38 but was a terrible sleeper for the first couple of years. Then a year ago, I had a major health issue and any thoughts of a second kid sort of disappeared as I wasn't sure whether I would make it etc.

I turned 42 last week and although I love having my one kid, wondering whether it's just too late for a second. My health is now fine but am obviously a lot older than the first time around. Plus the thought of having an 18 year old at 60 scares me. I would totally go for another if I was under 40 but is 42 too late?

I don't think it's too old. And the 'dealing with ageing parents' scare isn't always true. My mum is in her mid 70's and fit as a fiddle. Very active, completely mentally there. My mother in law is in her mid 60's, has all kinds of medical issues, mental health problems and is not well at all.

I clicked YANBU - as in, you’re not being unreasonable to have a child now. Sorry, not sure if that was the right one to click on!

I just couldn't imagine having a baby into my 40s. My hair is practically white as it is with all the stress of raising the DC. Youngest will be 6yo when I turn 40. I already feel ancient!

Completely a personal decision though.

I had my first at nearly 38 and then twins at 41 so a singleton pregnancy at 42 doesn’t seem old to me.

I too worried about coping second/third time around but going from 0-1 was actually harder than going from 1-3.

Running around after 3 young kids definitely keeps me fit!

I guess 42 feels a bit old because we always assumed that we'd have our kids in our 30s. However, it took me four years to get pregnant with our first - so am very aware it might not happen anyway. So it wasn't like we'd waited till late 30s rather we started trying at 33 and it took ages. Now it feels sad but also too late

I can think of nothing worse! But you’re 42 not 52 so it’s not massively unusual

Hmmm I’m 41 and I’d rather stick pins in my eyes than have another baby. I feel old and knackered. But you crack on if you’ve got the energy!!

I wouldn't risk it personally as I'd be terrified of ending up with twins or a disabled child. Unless you know you are absolutely desperate for another child, it's probably your ovaries making you feel guilty rather than a genuine sensible decision.

My dad was 45 when I was born.
He is now 80 and fit as a fiddle and I'm 35.
Him being a older dad did not make a blind bit of difference.

It's a personal decision I guess, but no chance I'd even consider it. I don't want to be of pensionable age, or nearing it, with children still living at home and needing supported. I'll always support them if needed, but but by 60 my kids will be in their 30s and should be financially independent.
I also wouldn't want to chance the increased risks that come with pregnancy at 40+.

I think it’s a personal thing. For me personally, it would be too old. I had my kids young and there’s no way of want another on my 40s. Also my family history of getting quite ill in your 60s puts me off. My mum recently had a stroke at 64 and she is not the only one who has become ill/died at around that age.

Her late baby was 22. Luckily she is the youngest of several and my other sister and I (both mid 30s) dealt with everything. She would have struggled if it was just her or even her and a similarly aged sibling.

but other people have different circumstances and therefore feel differently. My sister in law had my nephew at 45. He was much wanted and tried for. Apart from her being super tired there’s no other issues. Both her parents are around 80 and still fit and well, so I think she feels more confident in her long term health.

if you feel it’s right for you then go for it. If you don’t then don’t. Simple as that.

I had Dd at 42.

Shes 16 now. No problems with parenting her.

What l would say is this: I think in your 60’s and 60’s, you get tired much easier, and work sort of becomes more difficult. But you can’t take early retirement as you have a teen to support.

Thst has been my only issue.

I had my first at 40 and second at 42. It is exhausting and hard I the body but totally manageable. If you want another the go for it.

I had my second at 42. It was fine.

Only you can decide. I had my children at 37, 42 and 44. And I don't feel too old. I'm glad I had them, especially the last one that I really deliberated over.

I had my first at 44! DS is now 15 and I've just had my 59th birthday. All fine. I don't think we do more or less than other parents.

He certainly goes on more weekend trips and days out in the school holidays than some of his friends but doesn't do as many clubs as them and others (his personal choice though rather than our energy levels).

We've always made sure he had lots of play dates when he was younger. Firstly to build up friendships as our, then, friends tended to have older kids. And secondly because I needed mixed age parents around me!

Oddly enough, out of a group of 8 of us who regularly meet up, three are mid 50s plus now, two are between 45 and 55 and the other three are under 45 - all kids are 13-15 years old.

Hahaha! Care to explain exactly what happens at the stroke of midnight when you turn 40 that makes this statement in any way logical?

Go for it!

Its not too old, but I wouldn’t do it. Peri menopause hit me at 49 and I wouldn’t want a child at school now.

I'm 41 and pregnant with my first child. I'm thrilled to know I'm too old!

Op, I'm another who was scared of the idea of having an 18 year old at 60, it's illogical to think a baby at 41 is fine but not at 42. But I wouldn't leave it any later. You want to have then through school and be able to support them financially through college / uni / apprenticeship before hitting retirement. And no I wouldn't want to be working at 68 trying to support young adult kids.

Not too old. However I'd give some thought to how you want to proceed if it doesn't happen- would you consider IVF? It's worth thinking that wort of thing through before you start as TTC can be tough mentally.

Agree with PP on the importance of staying as fit and healthy as you can as an older mum.

I had DS at 39 and DD at 42 (3mths before I turned 43). There's 3yrs between them.

Without a doubt the best most wonderful thing I've ever done. They are beautiful, intelligent, funny, happy little children who are so loved.

I worry about people feeling knackered at this age. 40 is very young, not even half way through your working life. We have 2 small nursery age children, both work professional jobs, I'm doing my second degree. We do activities with the children every weekend, swimming, cycling, farm and park trips, holidays at home and abroad. They have 4 Grandparents, 3 Great Grandparents, Aunties, Uncles, Cousins. They genuinely have the best life they could ever wish for. Not for a single second would I ever think we shouldn't have had them.

And going from 1-2 is soooo much easier than 0-1. Seeing them hold hands and play together just melts me.

As many people have said, it’s a very personal decision.

Mine and DH’s cut off was 35.

I suppose you just need to take into account the increased risk of disabilities and how that would affect your life now, and that of your sons should you find yourself in that situation.

No I don’t think it’s too old at all , also you have a young child already.