42 too old for a second baby?

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Feeling a bit teary as been going through DC's clothes - I've kept them all until now in case we have another baby but seems too late now. DC is four and I had them at 38 but was a terrible sleeper for the first couple of years. Then a year ago, I had a major health issue and any thoughts of a second kid sort of disappeared as I wasn't sure whether I would make it etc.

I turned 42 last week and although I love having my one kid, wondering whether it's just too late for a second. My health is now fine but am obviously a lot older than the first time around. Plus the thought of having an 18 year old at 60 scares me. I would totally go for another if I was under 40 but is 42 too late?

Hi OP! No, you’re not too old, loads of mums are now over 40. Just as long as your health condition is now 100% sorted, as it would be unfair to have another child and then leave your partner to deal with both if, knowing that you are still unwell. But if all is fine - go for it!

Echoing others, it's such a personal decision.

I personally wouldn't. I wanted to have (and was very lucky to have) a baby much sooner than that, for fear of trouble conceiving and carrying a child, and the increased risk of adverse outcomes for both of us. But I know this doesn't really help you, and it really isn't too old, I was just very anxious about it all!!

I was fit as a fiddle at 42, by 48 I was in the throes of peri menopause and really struggling. Luckily my DC were adults, I couldn't imagine looking after a 5yr old at that point, as well as an older child. Of course plenty of people will say they were fine and energetic at that age, but you don't know until you get there. I never thought it would hit me so hard. But then it's not up to any of us! It's up to you. Is there any chance of your health issues recurring? Can you cope if you fall pregnant but miscarry? Could you cope with a child with additional needs? You need to ask yourself the hard questions. Then you will know.

I had DD2 at 41. DD1 at 39. I wanted DC earlier but didn't meet the right person until I was 36.

I really wanted a sibling for my DD1, as she has no cousins or any family of her age. They get on wonderfully. And while I can't guarantee they'll always get on, at least they'll be able to make decisions together on my care home when I'm older!

The worst sodding bit at 41 was all the judgement from medical staff and questions on her conception. Didn't get those at 39.

Just for context, I am 26 and my parents are 64. They are old for their age and always was, I didn’t like having older parents and I’m not looking forward to them probably being dead in my 30s. However If you are fit and active that might be another story. I know plenty of older mothers who look and feel great for their age. It totally depends on individual circumstances no one can answer the question but you.

I had mine at 32. Didn't feel anywhere near ready to contemplate another until I was 38 and even then, I was doing it more for my existing child to have a sibling than it being for me.

Anyway that pregnancy ended in a late miscarriage and it really forced me to reevaluate if I really wanted to try again. I decided I didn't (age being one of the factors). I'm now 40 and don't regret it.

I know in my heart I'm too knackered and need my sleep and downtime far too much. I've sacrificed most of my 30s to raising a small child. I've decided I do not want to go through all of that again in my 40s, it's just too hard!

Anyway it's a massively personal decision and based on so many factors that are personal to you but I would consider the following;
Are you in good health? Can you comfortably afford another? Did you have PND last time? How much family help do you have? How did you cope with the baby/pre school years last time? Do you really want another child for YOU or is it to give your child a sibling? (this is a crucial question imo!)

I think as you already have a four year old it would be fine to have another now. If it were me though I would have a cut off where either my age or the gap between them was too much, only you can decide what that would be for you. I would echo PP’s concerns on health, by 43 I was well into peri menopause and would have found broken nights etc very hard. At 57 I now have fibromyalgia and am very glad that I don’t have teenagers at home anymore.

I know someone who had her first at 38 and second at 45. Youngest is now 10 and she doesn’t regret it. She is someone with a lot of energy and a young outlook though.

This is such an individual choice. I’m nearly 40 and while I love the idea of another baby, I actually don’t think I’d cope having to go back to sleepless nights and potty training.

I don't think any older mums are going to say it's too old. If you don't feel too old - that's really all that matters.

Please can anybody share any advice or experiences…
I’m 43 years old with two children now 19 and 16, and have just discovered I’m pregnant, I’m rather shocked as I thought I was perimenopausal!! and thought that chapter of my life was over, and have been starting to enjoy time ( obviously too much !!) with my husband.
My initial reaction after doing the pregnancy test that I was too old, and i couldn’t go back to the baby phrase and start again.
I petrified of what my children will think and the impact will have in our family unit.
Im worried about the health of a baby at my age, and long term being a much older parent. It hard to think about being 52 with a 10 year old!!
I’m had my 1st 2 children 10 years before my peers and found it isolating and incredibly tough at times, I felt like I was being judged, and I’m scared I would feel exactly the same now, but instead I would be 10 years older than a lot of parents .
I don’t I can talk to anybody about how I feel and it’s make my decision really challegning.

I think it also depends how old your partner/husband is? I live in the area of the country with the oldest mums and have noticed that the ones who have older partners are really struggling now in teenage years. The men have checked out and are really exhausted, one of them is his early sixties and recently cried as he realised he will be working till seventy to support his kids through university. Out of the 3 older couples I was friends with 4/6 have had health problems including hip replacements, heart attack, stroke and cancer. It’s been tough on the kids.

Thank you for your reply, my husband is 4 years older, and we are both currently fit and healthy, but aging with a baby, toddler and young child really bothers me.
Most of my children’s friends are at least 10 years older than me and I have seen the challenges that can bring.

It would be for me as I'm 43 and in Peri. I had mine in my 20s and I'm done with babies. However it's the norm to have babies in 30s and 40s, so not unusual. Do what's right for you.

If you have the opportunity & the means to have any tests go for it! I wish I started earlier & would give anything to have another baby, good luck x

I had my first at 39 and my second a month before turning 42, so no, I don't think you're too old. Especially if you already have a young child.

I would recommend the nipt test for peace of mind on chromosomal abnormalities.

My pregnancy was harder than my first, my energy levels were terrible and they didn't come back til I had my daughter but like my first I had no complications and ELCS and was home the next day. Recovery was very quick.

I had my first at 42. You'll be fine

I've just had my 2nd baby aged almost 42. I've been to baby groups and don't feel much older than the other mums. Not one person has passed comment on my age, not even medical staff when I was pregnant. The only downside to the whole thing was the lack of energy during pregnancy, I really struggled with that but other than that my pregnancy was complication free. Quick recovery after her birth too.

My daughter is 3 months old and is a dream baby. I've found going from one to two very easy but two of my best friends babies/toddlers and I do think that definitely helps and makes me feel less old as another two are grandmothers ha!

Good luck with your pregnancy if you decide to proceed with it. You might find this baby is the best surprise ever!