Wibu to accuse dp of gaslighting

[Sleepeatrepeat]

Dp and I have been together 3.5 years. He has known dd for most of that time as we were friends beforehand. We don't live together but he is here most weekends.

They have a good relationship although he does not play a parenting role.

The past few months dp and dd have been winding each other uo. Nothing more than mucking about going a bit too far mostly. A lot to do with dd (nearly 9) being a bit stroppy and dp knowing it and just poking the bear a bit. She has started puberty and this past week is the one where the hormones rage. She gets arsed, tearful for no reason amd generally difficult. It is hormones mostly.

This weekend they have driven me to distraction. It is like having 2 teenagers in the house. Bickering and sniping at each other.

I have lost my shit at both of them several times and bollocked the pair of them for their appalling behaviour and for winding each other up.

Dd will look sheepish and apologise but state firmly that dp was winding her up. He will deny any wrong doing or that he has done anything at all even though I have heard/seen it.

I feel this is gaslighting us both and I will not tolerate it.
I have basically told both of them I am sick of the pair of them and separately told him to grown up and stop eith the gaslighting.

He has then sulked like a bloody teenager and sloped off home.

He is about a hairs breadth from being single. I will not tolerate the gaslighting at all and I will back dd to the hilt. He will never come before her and he knows that.

Wibu? I have told them both off for the behaviours as they are both as bad as each other for winding the other up. So it isn't that I have let dd get away with it.

All that stuff about backing dd to the hilt and her always coming first etc is just words. Big words, but just words. You’ve already shown you don’t really mean it. You’ve put her last repeatedly, and that’s just from what you’ve posted here which I have no doubt is minimised.

All these posts with ‘DC are my world’ etc are always the same. Just guff. If you supported your daughter as your claim he’d be gone already.

To the poster who likened it to siblings...that is exactly what it has been like all bloody weekend

they are NOT siblings!!!! She is an 8 year old girl, he is an adult man. Seriously OP , the way you are trying to make this equivalent is seriously messed up. You need to give your head a wobble .

Actually it absolutely is gaslighting
Actually, it really isn't. Gaslighting is a very specific and nasty type of manipulation. Not denying something happened when you know full well it did.
Though it's neither here nor there really 🤷‍♀️

HE is at fault. HE is the adult. HE should most definitely know when to stop. There is no excuse for continuing to push a child that way.

It's you that needs to get a grip.

Why on earth are you allowing your 50-odd year old boyfriend to have TICKLE FIGHTS with your eight year old daughter?

That is so beyond inappropriate and it just screams abuse.

🚩🚩🚩

The tickle fights concern me the most. Why would a 50 year old boyfriend think this is appropriate. As others have said massive red flag.

He's a perv. He'd never be left alone with her if he were my dp but then again he wouldn't be with me. Creep.

OP, you’re getting a justified pasting here. I feel for you, as that’s never pleasant. However, in my view you’re getting the ‘he nearly found himself single’ bit correct.

Your DD is having a hard time at her other home, so steps need to be taken to ensure she has a safe space at yours. If she can’t trust any adult she knows to act like an adult where does that leave her?

This is a massive life stage. It needs to be treated with respect and care. My DSD is 10 and the hormones are starting to creep in. Luckily so far it’s just a monthly incidence of tummy ache and not sleeping well. But I am tracking it, and am vigilant that she doesn’t suffer unnecessarily due to any of us not noticing her feelings or reacting in unhelpful ways. I suppose that’s because I’m a woman so I understand it better, but my DP (her dad) is aware and on board, and no one is going to get away with being cruel to our (his/my ward) child. I can’t fathom.

Please do better x

50 year old man tickling and winding up a young child is so unbelievably inappropriate.

Tickling is often a precursor to being sexually assaulted.

It's part of the grooming process with young children.

That may not be the case here, but the inappropriate ness of it is so real.

No one should have their hands on your child.

It's so basic in your role to teach her bodily autonomy.

His sulking clearly screams entitlement.

OP, you have dropped the ball here and need to step up here quickly.

That you would reprimanded them both is just so awful.

She is a child beginning puberty, such a tough time for a little girl.

Very interesting that you complain about your daughter's poor behaviour but put this all squarely at your ex's door.

You won't even entertain the possibility that your partner or yourself could possibly be playing a part in her current challenging behaviour.

Hmmmm.

You say your DD unequivocally comes first - so why have you already let this carry on for months?

Gosh. She is 8 now. I give it until she is about 11/12 for you to either be

• saying she has MH issues and theres something wrong with her


• saying she must have ASD/ADHD and theres something wrong with her


• saying she needs to go into care because theres something wrong with her

Whether he goes or not, whether there is no other man in your life, there is a huge amount wrong with you understanding of her needs, her perceptions and your own presentation and that will have an impact on her development

I don't think it's the people on here that need the grip.

You are blaming the child in the situations between the child and various adults.

No. The adult should be in control of the situation.

Oh dear.. Op I was on your side and planning to type something about thinking people should give you a break etc. But.. Tickle fights? Seriously? That's so incredibly inappropriate.