Husband thinks I've lost my mind

[MolliciousIntent]

Last night I was putting DD to bed, she's 3m. I fed her, then popped her on my shoulder and cuddled her off to sleep. DH came in to bed just as I was putting her down. She's in the next-to-me so I do the transfer from sitting on my bit of the bed rather than standing. I put her down and turned round to find him looking at me like I'd just done the weirdest thing in the world.

I do the transfer the same way every night - I bounce her gently against my shoulder while very very slowly leaning further and further over into the cot, then when she's lying on the mattress I stay with my body against hers (my face pressed into the mattress) for a minute or so, to make sure she doesn't startle awake. It is not comfy, it takes a long time and im sure it looks ridiculous, but it works.

DH has apparently somehow never seen me do this before, and thinks it is an insane thing for me to be doing 4+ times a night. I asked him how he does it then, and he gave me that look again and said "I wait until she's asleep and then I just put her in the cot. Like a normal person."

THIS DOES NOT WORK FOR ME. Is my husband magic or am I some sort of lunatic making my life much harder than it needs to be? Or is it Secret Option 3, my DD is playing silly buggers with me and having a good old chuckle with DH at my expense?

Does anyone else have to perform a weird intricate physical ritual to get their babies into the cot (YANBU) or are you all "normal people" like my husband (YABU)?

He's an idiot. Mothers are naturally primed to use our bodies to care for and nurture babies. They don't miraculously become a separate entity when the cord is cut. We do all kinds of stuff that may seem strange, but is perfectly natural when caring for an infant. It's called nurturing.

I did it EXACTLY like you do 😂 Anything else woke them up.

I did watch a video that suggests feet first, roll onto side then onto their back, BUT if your way works for you, then go for your life. And tell your husband if he's got a problem with it, he can do all the night wakings!!!

I practically climbed into the cot with them. Anything to get them to stay asleep!

I still do a variation of this when I transfer my eight month old into her cot, I keep her as close to my body as possible while I mean over. I can't lean my body over as far as I did with our next to me but I know if I just plopped her in, I'd have to resettle her. If you're the one putting the baby down, you do what works for you.

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation He's not an idiot at all, in fact he may be a genius, because he is somehow able to put the baby straight down in the cot like a bag of potatoes without all the rigmarole, and she stays asleep.

@Blueuggboots unfortunately he has useless nipples so most of it is on me, but he does a lot of resettling.

Glad to hear I'm not alone, anyway, maybe it's easier for him because he isn't all milky and mummy-smelling so she's less fussed about being removed from him?

I still try and do this in the big cot, except I’m a short arse so have to nearly topple myself over the bar to keep my body weight pressed on her 😂

Tried that with mine and it didn’t work but had it worked then I would have continued it! Do what works

maybe it's easier for him because he isn't all milky and mummy-smelling so she's less fussed about being removed from him?

I'd wager good money this is it.

Dh thinks it's an insane thing to be doing 4+ times a night....he's never seen me do this before...she's 3 months

Hmm, I'm guessing you're doing 98% of the night settling, feeding, rocking to sleep then. I'm not sure why you're crediting him with being some sort of genius baby whisperer.
Do what works and tell him to bugger off with his silly remarks about you being insane and pulling faces!

Do whatever works but also remember she's changing so you could try shaving just a fraction off how long you hold her each night to see if it still works.
More for the sake of your back as she gets heavier than because it's an unusual thing to do. Everyone has some variation on this.
Mine noticed less in a gro bag as less temperature change and liked the hand on chest and a rythmical pat

Whatever works! My 2.5 year old is cuddled to sleep at bedtime but sitting in a chair next to her cot. Once she's asleep, we lower her into the cot and keep one hand on her chest gently, so she doesn't freak out thinking we've just suddenly left her. If it keeps her settled and asleep, who is it hurting? This is a toddler and not a tiny baby!

Keep doing what you're doing if it works and you're happy with it.

You’re doing this 4+ times a night. My partner knew to STFU about anything that worked for me when my nights were that disturbed whilst breastfeeding.

I always just dumped mine in the cot, pottered around for a few minutes and then left the room.

I must be a horrible mother.

God, I used to do this! And then would hover over the cot once I’d braved moving my arm away, just in case the gasp and scream started up!

He does about a quarter of the settling at night, and a good 90% of the toddler-wrangling in the day, telling him to bugger off would definitely BU.

Well you’re doing better than I ever managed 🤷‍♀️

I never managed to get either of my DC to sleep in a cot (even the next to me) for more than 10 minutes.

If it works it works?!!

Ok maybe don't tell him to bugger off but there really is no need for him to make you feel silly for settling your baby in a way that works for you.

And yes part of you finding that works best is that you're the main care giver and milk supply so your baby will always crave your comfort and fuss when you pull away.

@SmileyClare are you missing the slightly light hearted tone in which the OP is telling the story? Despite your best attempts to paint the DH as some mocking useless idiot it really doesn’t seem like that’s what is happening here.

OP - I used to do this exactly the same as you 😂 I think it’s the being separated from the mummy milky smell that makes it harder to keep them asleep when we put them down

Yep I did this, even used to climb into the big cot and lay with them for a bit. You do what you have to.

Thank you for this, some of these replies had me a bit 🤔- what is it about MN and the kneejerk assumption that everyone's DH is a feckless bastard?

I think whatever works is the best answer for each of you - as long as the baby stays asleep you’re winning!

I'm guessing you haven't bothered to read what the OP wrote.

@SmileyClare I'm crediting him with being a genius baby whisperer because when he is settling the baby (which he does at least once or twice a night) he just plonks her in the cot with no elaborate faff and she stays asleep.

Ok I'm not sure why you're being so defensive of your husband. I just thought it was a bit off to make out you'd lost your mind!

Yes, I did read what Op had written parpophone and took from that that she does nearly all the night settling/feeding. Mainly because Op said that she does this 4 times a night and he's never noticed before..?

Try plonking her in her cot then like he does.<shrug>

Plenty of mums settle babies like you do and I was just reassuring you that it's completely normal and an instinctive thing to do. If that's what you wanted from this thread?