Husband thinks I've lost my mind

[MolliciousIntent]

Last night I was putting DD to bed, she's 3m. I fed her, then popped her on my shoulder and cuddled her off to sleep. DH came in to bed just as I was putting her down. She's in the next-to-me so I do the transfer from sitting on my bit of the bed rather than standing. I put her down and turned round to find him looking at me like I'd just done the weirdest thing in the world.

I do the transfer the same way every night - I bounce her gently against my shoulder while very very slowly leaning further and further over into the cot, then when she's lying on the mattress I stay with my body against hers (my face pressed into the mattress) for a minute or so, to make sure she doesn't startle awake. It is not comfy, it takes a long time and im sure it looks ridiculous, but it works.

DH has apparently somehow never seen me do this before, and thinks it is an insane thing for me to be doing 4+ times a night. I asked him how he does it then, and he gave me that look again and said "I wait until she's asleep and then I just put her in the cot. Like a normal person."

THIS DOES NOT WORK FOR ME. Is my husband magic or am I some sort of lunatic making my life much harder than it needs to be? Or is it Secret Option 3, my DD is playing silly buggers with me and having a good old chuckle with DH at my expense?

Does anyone else have to perform a weird intricate physical ritual to get their babies into the cot (YANBU) or are you all "normal people" like my husband (YABU)?

Funnily enough, my DH was just reminiscing the other day about when he used to ninja crawl out of our older ones bedroom after he’d settled her for the night so she wouldn’t she him leave - basically you do what it takes to get a break.

I am of the firm belief that parents develop the ability to turn part - liquid when required to stop their children waking up.

You do what you do if it works. I used to lean sideways at a 90 degree angle while in the sitting position (so my body was bent completely to the right) with my face pressed to my daughters as i lowered her into a cotbed next to ours. I also sat in that position for a couple minutes.

We all have our methods 😂

@SmileyClare yes she is. And when I was breastfeeding a 3 month old I was doing exactly the same - the majority of night settling because I had the boobs. That didn’t make my DH lazy or feckless or anything else. It meant he always got up with her in the morning and took her downstairs so I could get some sleep. He looked after her during the evenings while I went to bed. And he also probably looked at me like I was a bit bonkers with some of the stuff I did and I did the same to him. I probably would have been defensive if I’d told a light hearted story like this and had him painted as a Dad not pulling his weight.

I asked him how he does it then, and he gave me that look again and said "I wait until she's asleep and then I just put her in the cot. Like a normal person."

I think that sounds nasty and unnecessary, and its unsettled you enough that you felt the need to start a thread questioning the way you put your baby down. Tell him to mind his own business and stop undermining you.

I mean he is right. It probably looks ridiculous.

it probably did when I did similar 😂

We all do things that seem ridiculous to other people, but entirely normal to us when looking after a baby.

This did make me laugh though and remind me of when mine were small

Fuck me, I didn't say he was a lazy bastard or a useless dad!

I simply said Op was doing most of the night settling so tell him to bugger off with his comments about Op being "weird"with her methods.

It's possible to tell your dh to bugger off in a light hearted way. Of course I'm not suggesting you pack his bags and throw him out. What a weird over reaction.

Give over.

‘like a normal person’ is something people would say when they were having a joke.

Why are people so invested in causing issues between op and her husband? He clearly does do some bedtimes as she asked him how he did it.

Babies behave very differently for their mother to their father! Mine is just the same

Thing about jokes is that both people are laughing, it doesn't leave one of them so upset they need reassurance that they aren't being weird.

Men really are deemed to be utter cunts by most on here aren't they?

This was me with my first! Unfortunately the second didn’t get as much time so just got plonked in the cot and hopefully didn’t wake up!

If it works, it works, who cares what he thinks

I don't think anyone's trying to cause issues. How over dramatic. It did sound like Op wanted reassurance, no?

My advice is to ignore your husband's silly comments and carry on being a caring mum, doing what works for you.

I'm not going to say haha what a hilarious guy your dh is, what a funny anecdote, although I'm sure he's a great partner usually.

Babies do react in different ways to their parents I think. When DD was newborn she would go down for the night in the moses basket, but would only go back to sleep on DH's chest once she woke. Your DD may feel the need for you to do one thing and your DH another and that's OK.

Oops! Wrong thread. A bit strident for a post about your baby. I've asked for it to be deleted!

Wow he's brave, giving you an opinion on how you feed your child 4 times a night, my DH would be ducking for cover 😆😆😆

I used to lower mine with my boob in their mouth and then their mouth would open a bit and I'd hover over and creep out!! It must have looked very odd 🤣🤣

Personally I (f) used your DH's method, but I know a lot of women take a lot of time settling their babies too. I think it's whatever works for you and baby or him and baby and if they stay settled whatever method then no problem. I think it's harder for a breast feeding mum as the baby smells milk. Just my 2 cents.

Definitely completely relate to your account of putting the baby down. Husband and I both did this mattress-in-face method with particular offspring. One out of the three could be put down without it.

I take it you don't have much in the way of a sense of humour.

No one said cunt. Don't be daft

Its just a bit irritating to have settling a baby "mansplained" by a dad who questions his wife's approach.
It's not a big issue but if this is his attempt at light hearted banter he needs better material.

You aren’t nuts at all, but I’d take this as a handy note to gradually ease off, as she’s getting bigger. Because you don’t ideally want to end up cuddling your toddler to sleep like the PP above, especially if you have a second baby by then. Kids can gradually and happily learn that they can be alone while they settle to sleep and that’s ok, or you might be doing it when they’re five.

Completely agree - my general policy with babies is that for the first 6 months I am a slave to their every unreasonable whim, because I firmly believe that's what they need when they're so tiny, and after that point I work on slowly bending them to fit a bit more flexibly with the rest of the family. We'll do a bit of gradual retreat when she's big enough, but for now I'm happy to spend multiple minutes with my face pressed into the mattress, trying not to breathe in case it disturbs her.