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AIBU?

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Original poster

Oh, I miss lead you.

76 replies

Greenapplejam · 29/05/2022 07:15

At the inlaws for the weekend. Partner of 6 years head out to meet a stag party in town after dinner to join in one of the "events" and stay for a drink after. - il be home by 11.....
Myself at inlaws with 2 small kids who aren't great sleepers.
Half 1.. no sigh of himself, dropped a text and a call no response.... half 2 called him "oh I'm at the casino... I miss lead you when I said I'd be back by 11" ....
Asked him to come home... hour and a half later rocks up with chips...
Kids wake at 6 and he will sleep off his drinking until probably 1 or 2.

I couldn't care less how late he stays out till as long as he said that it would be a late one or even messaged to say he was staying out later.
Is this a reasonable ask, or as my mil has said that when they get a drink in them they lose their priorities and what did I expect 🤔

I'm at the point of packing the kids into the car and heading home without him, so he can have some time to work on what are his priorities or stay at his parents house and letting them deal with the grown man they have raised.

Not impressed this morning 😴

OP posts:
MikeWozniaksMohawk · 29/05/2022 07:18

I wouldn’t be letting him sleep off his drinking until early afternoon. I would be waking him up at 9/10, or even better sending them kids in there to do it.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 29/05/2022 07:19

Hmm. I think expecting someone to come from a stag do at 11pm is a bit unrealistic - however he shouldn't have lied to you about it either.

I don't think he's "shown his priorities" tbh - he knows you were home with the children and didn't want to come home early from seeing his mates. That's not hugely unreasonable unless he does this sort of thing all the time.

I wouldn't be letting him sleep half the day away though - staying out is one thing but if you're a parent you still need to get your arse in gear the next day!

Maybebabyno2 · 29/05/2022 07:22

I would be furious. I wouldn't care if he had told me he was going before we went to the inlaws because I just wouldn't have gone and told him to rearrange the in law visit for another time.

Dp doesn't go out much and we have very equal 'me time' (which isn't much) so I'm very chilled if he does want to do stuff with his mates. But if he left me with my MIL for more than about an hour, he would bloody pay for it.

BeckyWithTheGoodHair010101 · 29/05/2022 07:23

Assume you'll get a nice night out another time and he can stay at home and look after the children?

MarmaladeLime · 29/05/2022 07:26

Wake him up when you get up. Otherwise you're just visiting his in laws without him and he's using it as a base. Do you visit them often?

UserError012345 · 29/05/2022 07:26

What would have tipped me is the 'I miss lead' you.

*misled

LuaDipa · 29/05/2022 07:28

Maybebabyno2 · 29/05/2022 07:22

I would be furious. I wouldn't care if he had told me he was going before we went to the inlaws because I just wouldn't have gone and told him to rearrange the in law visit for another time.

Dp doesn't go out much and we have very equal 'me time' (which isn't much) so I'm very chilled if he does want to do stuff with his mates. But if he left me with my MIL for more than about an hour, he would bloody pay for it.

This.

Go home and leave him to his hangover.

Lex345 · 29/05/2022 07:28

I wouldn't be impressed at arranging to stay over wih in laws and then him going out.

ValerieDoonican · 29/05/2022 07:30

Lying to you was absolutely not on. Yes on the face of it an 11pm from a stag do sounds unlikely, but then why say it? Had you expressed that you wanted him back by then? (Doesn't sound like it) Does he have a habit if lying to avoid confrontation? Or just to make him appear/feel like a better person if only to himself?

Absolutely focus on the misleading, ignore people who respond just saying "it was a stag do what did you expect". What you expected was for him to be honest with you, is the issue.

(Totally beside the point but I kind of imagined him coming back with a delicious helping of - plasic casino gambling chips 😅)

Vikinga · 29/05/2022 07:30

He's in his home town and has gone out on a stag do. I don't think it is unreasonable to stay late. It's night time so the kids would be asleep? Wake him up with the kids if you want to teach him a lesson though.

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 29/05/2022 07:32

OP, I would certainly pack your bags and take yourself and the kids back home.

When he finally arrives back home you need to have a serious talk with him about priorities. The 'misleading' bit is also a cause for concern.

If there are no consequences to his selfish behaviour he'll keep on doing it.

KangarooKenny · 29/05/2022 07:34

So he left you and the kids at the in-laws and went out for the night ?
I’d never be going to the in-laws again, he’d be going alone.

RewildingAmbridge · 29/05/2022 07:36

If he was going up there for a stag do why did you go?

pictish · 29/05/2022 07:38

Not read the thread but honestly? I’d have laughed at his assertion that he would be back for 11 (a stag do, come on, as if) and expected him to be hungover in the morning. I’d have adjusted my plans accordingly and assumed I’d be getting up with the kids.
And being the ‘cool wife’ I am I’d not mind. I’ve got a ‘cool husband’ who would return the favour anytime so this wouldn’t be an issue for either of us.

Libre2 · 29/05/2022 07:38

I wouldn’t have minded this so much at my in-laws as my MIL was pretty good with the kids and always gave us both a lie-in when we went. Will your in-laws help with the kids today?

I guess the question is does he have form for this? If it’s a one-off then let it go, if it’s not then you need to set some expectations.

isthismylifenow · 29/05/2022 07:39

Is the stag do the reason why you are at the in laws for the weekend?

Shoxfordian · 29/05/2022 07:41

What’s the point of staying at his family’s house when he’s not even there? He does sound like a bit of a knob but you should have just gone to sleep anyway

Cocobeau · 29/05/2022 07:42

My god. It’s one night. He was stupid for saying he’d be home at any specific time but it seems a bit of an over reaction to consider packing your bags to go home while he considers his priorities. I don’t see the point about being at your in-laws, it’s irrelevant unless you had no idea he was planning on going out at all. The way I see it, you’ve just earned yourself a day/night off to do what you want while he has his turn wrangling children.

Heronwatcher · 29/05/2022 07:43

If this doesn’t happen often it wouldn’t bother me TBH. He was obviously having fun catching up with mates and either lost track of time or forgot to text. I would hope I’d remember to text myself but surely a grown adult isn’t under an actual curfew, a getting home time is just an estimate? As others say I would definitely be getting him up at a reasonable time (10ish) to do something non- dangerous with the kids so you can go back to bed! Or can’t your in laws have them for a while so you can go for a walk/ coffee?

arethereanyleftatall · 29/05/2022 07:44

It depends what kind of relationship you have. People who like and trust each other and work as a team, want the other one to go out occasionally and enjoy themselves. But it has to work both ways. If you went out on a night out with friends, got hammered, would he be waking you up at 9am?

StageRage · 29/05/2022 07:52

Did you visit the ILs knowing that he would be attending the stag?

I’m not sure it was ever realistic that he would be home by 11, or why it matters that he stayed later. Since he was bound to be late, you knew where he was etc.

Can’t loving grandparents take care of the kids this morning?

I agree it was annoying to be later than he ridiculously said, but leaving without him would be an over reaction and causing drama in from of the ILs.

YesitsJacqueline · 29/05/2022 07:56

I don't understand why he has to drag you and the kids along to stay in someone else's house because he needs to be there for a night out
I'd absolutely be going home with the kids
No doubt his mum will be bringing him a cup of tea in bed ........

Hadenoughofthisbullshit · 29/05/2022 07:57

Did you know about the stag do before you went?

Is this a pattern of inconsiderate behaviour or a one off?

MajorCarolDanvers · 29/05/2022 07:59

Home from a stag do at 11pm? Not very realistic.

Just plan a big night out for yourself soon

Unless he does this every weekend then I think you are being a bit of a drama llama.

ohshttttt · 29/05/2022 08:02

Unless this was every weekend I'd let him sleep off his hangover and then tell him I'm having a child free night/day next weekend and he's got the kids.

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