I want us to be on the same parenting level

[Imsotired10]

DH & I have 3 DC they're all very young and it can be difficult at times.

However DH and I have never been on the same level when it comes to parenting our children. He's very relaxed and I'm always too stressed. Trying to avoid accidents from happening etc.

For example today we went to the local park & there was a water feature with really cold water sprinkling around. Out of maybe 50 children only 2 were playing in it. Of course our 3yo DD wanted to go straight in. I said no as it was only 9am it was quite chilly and windy outside and the water was freezing. She started crying and as I got down to her level to explain once again that it wasn't going to happen .. DH interfered and said "oh let her be a child .. go on go have fun" we had no spare clothes with us no towels etc. She got absolutely soaked and when DH asked for spare clothes I turned around and left the park with the other 2 and left him to it.
Now he's upset that I've ruined the family morning with MY MOOD 😂

This is only 1 example of how different we are.
How can we become a team & was it me who ruined the morning?

Or yes, as @BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz says, you let her play while one of you nips home to get a change of clothes/towel etc.

Sounds like a lot of drama over nothing tbh. Kids are only little for such a short time. It's nice to let them be a bit spontaneous when you can!

Thanks all. We're out for the day today. ( spares packed). We'll try and have a nice day out and no dramas. Also had more sleep last night.

Have a nice day everyone

Different parenting styles are tricky op. I've got the same but in reverse (dh more strict/ uptight) and after 11 years we still quite often have to sit down and work out how to meet each other half way.

In this situation though I'd have gone prepared with a change of clothes. Or sent dh/ gone back for some. He's right, children do need to be allowed to get wet, dirty etc but there are also consequences to this. Dragging a wet, cold, miserable child around is no fun at all.

Dh is much more relaxed than he used to be, and even had a go at his mum recently for whittling about 11yo ds getting dirty on a walk. But it does tend to be me that remembers to bring the things that allow the dc to be kids while being comfortable (water bottles, jumpers etc).

Reading with interest as this is me and my dh to a tee except in the relaxed one and he is the one who I feel needs to let them be children and just play. It's good for me to see a different perspective.

I think you were a but uptight but my 3yo does really feel the cold so would have been miserable if she was cold and wet on a 10 minute walk. My 5yo wouldn’t care. We would always have spare clothes though at that age even for a quick park trip.

It's not about making a sensible decision, the potential consequences of allowing your child to decide whether to play in the road or not versus whether to play in a water feature at the park specifically designed for that purpose, are worlds apart.

The latter is an opportunity to allow for a bit of learning around cause and affect, the former is child endangerment.

It's really not the same thing. Playing in the road has lasting and serious consequences. Getting wet with a cold 10 min walk home may be uncomfortable and unpleasant at the time, but no harm is being done to the child. It's OK to let them make bad decisions when the outcome won't cause long term harm.
Whether they fully understand the consequences explained before they jump in the water will depend on if they are a younger or older 3yo (and their personality), but even if they didn't understand at the beginning they've learnt from experience by the end of it. This will influence their decision next time. My DCs have continued to think the trade off is totally worth it

In this instance I’m with the DH. Life’s short and the situation doesn’t sound dangerous at all - I’m sure an hour of being a bit cold can’t hurt! And even if she’s upset at least she’ll learn for next time.
But that’s just this situation (I’m fully on the relaxed parent side) but if there was another time we’re his relaxed parenting did cause danger then I’d fully understand being annoyed.

I think the accusation regarding your mood depends on just how you left him to it.
But given that she was soaked with no spare clothes and you live 10 minutes away, he wasn’t going anywhere but home with her… so it does sound like you would have “left him to it” in quite a shitty way.

On the actual activity… I’m with your husband. Small child barely ever sees fountains working - how exciting! You live 10 mins away. It’s a jumpers and coats day. That means no drama to strip down to pants and t shirt, have a whale of a time, be bundled up in adult coat to dry off and then back into own outer clothes until home. I would have found you a killjoy, and been really annoyed with you. You going home would have been the icing on the cake.

Jury out over asking for spare clothes - if he’s a dickhead who’s never packed a nappy, I’m 100% with you! If it was just a question, no problem.

Children LOVE spontaneous fun like that - I’d try to change yourself to accommodate that, but with a dollop of sensible re stripping child down first!

Mine are much older now but they remember very fondly impromptu going in the sea in the winter or spring in nothing but pants and no spare clothes. I remember the whining, they remember it as a fabulous time. I think you need to chill out.

I was frustrated on your behalf reading lots of the answers to this post, OP.

Whether or not the kids are allowed to play in fountains on a cold day is parenting style, and it sounds as if you need to find more of a middle ground on this.

But being the one who always has to think of everything for everyone while the other parent gets to be the fun one is rubbish and I don't blame you for walking off. You probably would have handled the situation a lot better if the other parent had taken responsibility for bringing the spare clothes. Plenty of poster implying that that's your job, which surprises me, because MN is not generally a fan of men who don't step up to their responsibilities.