I want us to be on the same parenting level

[Imsotired10]

DH & I have 3 DC they're all very young and it can be difficult at times.

However DH and I have never been on the same level when it comes to parenting our children. He's very relaxed and I'm always too stressed. Trying to avoid accidents from happening etc.

For example today we went to the local park & there was a water feature with really cold water sprinkling around. Out of maybe 50 children only 2 were playing in it. Of course our 3yo DD wanted to go straight in. I said no as it was only 9am it was quite chilly and windy outside and the water was freezing. She started crying and as I got down to her level to explain once again that it wasn't going to happen .. DH interfered and said "oh let her be a child .. go on go have fun" we had no spare clothes with us no towels etc. She got absolutely soaked and when DH asked for spare clothes I turned around and left the park with the other 2 and left him to it.
Now he's upset that I've ruined the family morning with MY MOOD 😂

This is only 1 example of how different we are.
How can we become a team & was it me who ruined the morning?

Depends - I don't see it as much more effort than you always having hooded towels in the car?

I turned around and left the park with the other 2 and left him to it.
Now he's upset that I've ruined the family morning with MY MOOD 😂**

Well aside from the actual who was right/wrong issue what you have done actually is to thing the morning with your mood. No matter what happened with your DC and the water, you are the one who took 2/3 of your children and left. Please don't be that mum who everyone is on edge about all day long because it absolutely ruins every day out. Your poor DC will never know if they are going to be staying or going. They will be waiting for you to flip and leave with them

I suggest this is all about him not listening to you and having respect for what you have to say, much less about the water play example.
Sending sympathy, I get the same

I’d have let mine after explaining the clothes situation, I don’t think a minor consequence isn’t a bad lesson for kids. My husband would’ve probably been more like you. Our kids are 8 and 13 now and seem quite well rounded. We agree on the major things, that’s what matters.

just allow yourself a quick told you so, although I’d argue that moments of carefree splashing are worth the whinge after, and given the lack of carefree opportunities for kids nowadays I wouldn’t sweat it.

You both sound a little bit silly.

Your DH for being unprepared and making a decision based on you being the 'responsible parent' who could magic up dry clothes. It does read like he isn't used to dealing with the consequences of his own decisions very often. That must be very irritating for you and I can see why you're annoyed.

You for not wanting your DC to go and play when other children were playing for what doesn't sound like a great reason (of course she'd want to join in - water + other children is like a moth to a flame for kids). Yes, she'd get cold quickly but it's a learning experience for her. And also for storming off in a huff.

I would have done what other pp have suggested... sent her in wearing knickers only and then she goes knickerless on the way home. This is what we always do for impromptu paddling opportunities as paddling pools/fountains where DC are allowed to play crop up where you don't expect them sometimes and it seems a shame for kids to miss out because you don't have swim gear with you.

The roles would have been switched in out house. I would have let ds play in thr water and dp would have got a strop on about it. I just laugh and tell him not to be such a spoil sport. If he stormed off I would have been cross, if he had then moaned about it later I would have told him "it's a bit of water, get a grip".

Worst case, the child is wet and cold for a bit till you get home. Honestly why is that so awful? Better than trying to keep a crying toddler away from the fun activity for hours.

My husband would probably let my child get in the cold water and then stormed off because I didn't have spare clothes.

I notice the op’s only reply was two posts in, both of which had confirmed her opinion that she was not in the wrong!

Is he usually an arse?

Thanks everyone.

Good to read everyone's opinion and realise maybe my DH isn't that crazy after all

I never pack spare clothes to the local park as when I used to I'd never have to use them

They are sensible kids believe it or not and we never had to use a spare outfit.

The sprinkler thing is never on at this park so we were all surprised to see it working. If I knew it would be working (it hasn't in 3 years) I would've had towels and spare clothes with me.

The other 2 didn't mind leaving. (One is 4months old and the other one couldn't wait to get home so he can ride his scooter on our road)

I guess we're all different but getting wet with freezing cold water when the weather is not great and everyone was wearing coats or jumpers is a no from me. If it was sunny at least then yes

I probably did exaggerate but I'm always the sensible one. This sort of thing happens almost every time we're all together. We're both great people and good parents. We just have such different styles of parenting and need to meet in the middle.

OP here has 3 DC and I don't have time to check my phone every 2 minutes. I'm sorry 😃

I think DH & I are different and I can accept maybe I was in the wrong 👍

Happy?

I thought this too. It’s great to be “fun” like this when you’ve not thought to bring all the stuff needed and you’re not the person who does all the washing later…..

Is it usually you who packs the bag before you go out with DC? Are you quite an organised person who usually has most things everyone needs? If so it’s possible DH did just assume you’d have spare clothes. In the same way I assume DH will put out the bins, because he always does, it may be he just sees it as ‘your job’. That’s fine if you’re happy with it, and he pulls his weight in other ways. But if you’re not happy with it, you need to talk to him!

It may be worth suggesting you need to meet half way- you maybe need to relax a bit in letting them do certain things (running in a fountain sounds fine to me!), he maybe needs to think about the consequences more and not assume you’ve got it covered!

I would have let the DC in the water too, albeit stripped to pants plus warnings about how cold it will be both during and after, and that there were no spare clothes/towels. It won't cause any permanent harm, just some temporary discomfort at worst. Of course they want to go in when they can see other children playing, and any upset caused by getting cold is easier dealt with than the tantrum caused by saying no IME. If they needed further warming up your DH (as the parent who OK-ed the fun) could have lent them his jumper for the way home.

As an aside, I am also amazed with 3 small children neither of you carry any spare clothes, unless you are so close to home that getting wet is a total non-issue. My DCs are 5 & 8, and I still keep a small shoe box in the boot for emergencies: a change of clothes (that would be a little big on DC2 and a little small for DC2, but would do either in a pinch), bottle of water and flannels (long life wet wipes ), plus basic first aid bits and a roll of Duck tape (random, but saved our bacon a few times!).
When I still had a 3yo, my handbag always had one of those packaway camping towels at the bottom, precisely because we once stumbled across a park with a water play and toddler DC1 decided to run straight into it fully clothed. It got a lot of use over the years with impromptu water play sessions, but also moonlighted as a cape, blanket, and sarong for small people.

I'd have let her go in in her pants, or if it's in walking distance (as it sounds like it is) you could've walked home with the baby in the pram and got a change of clothes while DH supervised the kids.

Stropping off is immature.

It sounds like you need to stress a little less.

Recently we were in a situation where DD wanted to play in water (also 3 yrs old). DH was leaning towards no and I said yes. It's different because I'd packed spare clothes (we were 1hr from home so I was prepared!). I think you should have told DH why you were saying no and maybe he'd have ran home to get spare clothes. It's nice to let kids have their fun, at 3 they are too young to carefully consider consequences like being wet and cold. I can see its annoying that jts all left up to you though, DH should have got the clothes if he didn't want to deal with a cold wet toddler!

I didn't pack spare clothes for the older 2 as we were 10 min walk from home. If we were hours away of course i would've.

My 3yo is toilet trained and we never had any accidents and usually she hates getting dirty or wet so I personally don't see the point of packing spare clothes 10 min away from home.

Thank you all for the keeping spare clothes in the car suggestions. I do have spare clothes and coats etc in the car but on this occasion we walked so the car was at home

& I do agree maybe I need to relax a little but I wish he would be the responsible one for once.

Again as I said in my post we do have 3 very young DC and things get stressful around. We both admitted before it's due to running on a few hours sleep and doing life at 100miles an hour

You were 10 minutes away from home but between the pair of you couldn't work out that one of you could quickly nip home and grab a towel and clean clothes?

I didn't pack spare clothes for the older 2 as we were 10 min walk from home. If we were hours away of course i would've.

Sorry, if this is the case I really do think you were overreacting. She wouldn't have to any harm if she had to be wet and cold on the ten minute walk home - or one of you could have run back for clothes while the other supervised!

What a lot of drama over nothing.

I probably did exaggerate but I'm always the sensible one.

That's the problem. Yes, you were a bit of a killjoy and overreacted on this occasion, but I don't blame you for being annoyed if you're always the one who has to deal with organisation and consequences and boring things like that.

Now if you'd smiled sweetly at him and said, 'I'll take the other 2 while you deal with this one since I'm sure you have a plan", rather than storming off grumpily, that would have been totally deserved. Or next time, turn to HIM and ask HIM where the spare clothes are.

I’m surprised by these replies. Explaining to a 3 year old they will be wet and cold - they aren’t exactly famed for being able to make sensible decisions at this age. It’s like saying ‘well darling, if you choose to play in the road there is a good chance you’ll be run over and seriously hurt so it is your choice.’

There are times it’s perfectly okay to say no. I would be annoyed as well, OP.

I would probably be the one to let mine play in the water , my husband is more cautious but I would also be the one who had packed spare clothes so it wouldn’t be a problem . I may be more relaxed but I’m a planner. ( everything but the kitchen sink in my bag, my husband laugh but I’m always able to solve a problem!)

I didn't pack spare clothes for the older 2 as we were 10 min walk from home. If we were hours away of course i would've

For a 10min walk home, dh would have said "let's let her run round in it, I'll nip back now for a towel and a change of clothes, I'll be 20mins"

If you were a 10min walk from home, I really don't see the big deal with her getting wet. Surely you would just let her play, and then one of you takes her home for a change of clothes while the others carry on playing?